BM's hatred of FDH's family
This is more of a vent than anything. I just get so tired of the skids relating stories about how dreadful FDH's family are. Its all nonsense of course and they are parroting BM's hatred of his family. I keep saying to myself, how funny it actually is because she accuses them of things she does herself.
It just gets old having to defend them. I never understand why FDH does not defend them. He looks to me to jump in and defend them. Yesterday I broke my own rule of not being bitchy because they are just children, and lashed out at the things BM has done, how she behaves etc.
Now I feel bad because both of the skids looked hurt and distressed. And I hate hearing myself down at BM's level. But why do they bring the topic up over and over?? Is the brainwashing so bad that they have to bring the topic up at least once each weekend in order to satisfy their "List Of Things to do/say to Piss Dad and Anna off" before they go home!!
How old are the
How old are the kids?
Honestly your DH needs to get a spine and speak up himself instead of leaving this up to you. Your DH should be dealing with this issue, not you. These are his kids and his relatives.
But if you feel you must do something; I would just tell them, We dont care what your mom has to say about your dad's relatives. Your dad obviously loves them and does not want to hear bad things about them. Not sure why your mom hates them, but that is on her and her business. Please do not bring it back up in this house.
I would apologize to them,
I would apologize to them, doesn't matter how old they are. It's good for them to see someone admit they were wrong and take responsibility.
You said things you wish you hadn't and that you're sorry you hurt them.
Then I would point out how you saying bad things about BM made them feel bad. It's the same when they say bad things about Dads family. It makes him and you feel bad.
I'm assuming that the skids are young, if they're older same thing just in an age appropriate way.
Skids are 13 and 17. Part of
Skids are 13 and 17. Part of me feels they are old enough to know its wrong to say mean things about FDH's family. But yes I will apologize to them. FDH doesn't take it as seriously as I do, I know its my own issue. He says he knows these things are not true so ignores the comments. And he knows crazy BM better than I do, he lived with crazy! If someone (even my own kids) sat there saying such things about my family, I would be furious and defend them. I do need to stay out of it and as he chooses to ignore it, then so must I. Easier said than done
I agree with the DH knowing
I agree with the DH knowing how to handle crazy! Mine does and amazing job of keeping BM away from us. We talk about what we should do and he is almost always right, sometimes he'll take in what I say and use it but mostly we just don't reply to anything she says.
I'm very lucky that the skids are great kids. While she is crazy, she and DH have done a great job with the kids and I know that they love DH's family and only put up with BMs family. Even when they talk about how bad BMs sister and parents are they aren't rude or hurtful about it. And they never bring it up, it's usually something in passing or an antidote to a story someone else has told. Kind of you think your aunt is bad, mine did this!
Your skids are definitely old enough to know better but teens need boundaries and they push them constantly to see if they are still there.
So you apologizing and letting them know it's not acceptable to put anyone's family down is showing them the boundaries and letting them know they are firmly in place. It doesn't matter that it's DHs family. I would frame it that it's unacceptable to trash anyones family in front of you. That's one of your boundaries, it bothers and upsets you, so they need to stop it.
I like all the ideas. It is
I like all the ideas. It is hurtful to hear of a nice family being verbally trashed, even if FDH stays quiet. One of the oddest comments from SD17 was "Mom said the XXX family would marry any old thing moving!!". She was referring to their divorces. I was quick to reply, "well it appears so as FDH married your Mom". :jawdrop:
Yeah I do hate to get down
Yeah I do hate to get down and dirty but sometimes you just have to! Especially when its SD17 because she is just asking for a fight.