Okay, so I've been lurking on this forum for a while. This is my first post...I finally decided to make an account (or finally had the guts to post something). Sorry in advance for length:

Background: My fiance and I have been together for almost five years. I have one SD who is 6. SD is a product a "surprise" teenage pregnancy (17 and 19), making me both a young sm and a childless one. The situation has been somewhat of a roller coaster, but it could be a lot worse.

The biggest issues in our situation come from BM. She was completely unbearable when DF and I got together. She spent two years trying to break us up. One in an attempt to get him back, and one just to be spiteful. Then she married Hubby #2. We had issues because they basically made SD call her husband Daddy. They got married because she wanted to take DF to court in order to win her husband "step parent rights". That's not a joke, she thought that was actually going to happen. In more recent activity; a year ago she took SD across the country on vacation. When she came back she asked that he would give permission for her and SD to move there (if she moves, he gets custody) Obviously, he would not agree, not that she hasn't continued trying. After her vacation, I became suspicious of her reasons for wanting to move and her "friend" that she knew out there. After last Christmas, she announce to me that she and her DH2 were splitting and that her "friend 'Becky'" would be moving across the country to live with her in March. She did and this is where the problems start.

When her friend moved here, they began a relationship. They were engaged before the ink dried on her second divorce (none of my business, but SD already did not respond well to the split). When SM#2 moved in it became obvious that they were bribing SD to not want to visit during the week. She would call saying she didn't want to come. For a while, when asked why she would respond "Because mommy said we could _____". That was until they trained her to lie to us or to not tell us a reason at all. A couple of times, SD would throw a tantrum to not come. Now this behavior is the regular, and it doesn't seem that they are bribing her anymore, or that they even have to...Her refusal ranges anywhere from an emotional shut down where she drags her feet or won't walk at all, doesn't talk, won't look you in the eye - to an all out screaming meltdown where she acts as if she's being kidnapped. On two occasions she has thrown punches at DF for making her go. Which we do make her go. He picks her up and puts her in the car when she won't cooperate. BM treats us like bullies for making her come for her visitation and coddles the behavior. We've tried every tactic that we can think of to prevent the tantrums, but the only thing that seems to work is to bring her cousin or my sister to pickups. Which is not always a possibility or reasonable. We've tried hyping up the visit and planning fun things. In a moment that is not my proudest, we tried bribing her with treats at pick up. We've tried talking to her, but she won't talk to us. If you bring it up she shuts down, sort of like talking to someone in a catatonic state, its that bad. The one time we got a response, she told DF that she didn't want to come over anymore because she "just wants it to be me, mommy, and momma". The weird thing is that five minutes after they are away from her house, she is fine. Acts as if nothing happened.

Questions:
- Is this normal? Normal as in she's going through a phase and will get over it.
- Do you think she's being coached to behave this way? Part of the reason more discipline hasn't been used (outside of when she threw punches) is because DF thinks that BM and SM2 tell her to act that way or that parental alienation may be becoming an issue.
- Is she just pushing her limits and trying to get things her way? Unfortunately past tactics have shown we will try to make her happy by doing fun things. Do you think its possible she is just trying to see what she can get from us by throwing a fit and making us feel bad?
-Advice?