Being called "Mama" by soon to be SD
Hi Everyone. I'm new to this site but it's really nice seeing that there are others who are going through similar situations. I just wanted to get some input on my soon to be SD calling me "Mama". I have been there for her 100% since she was about 4months old. Her BD and BM have 50/50 custody. I don't want to bad mouth the BM but I feel as if her daughter isn't her first priority. She also has a 9-year-old son from a different guy she was dating when she was a teenager. When my SD stays with her BM she is in a house with her BM, half brother, grandfather, mom's half sister who is 16 and pregnant, and the half sister's half sister. It's a packed household over there. I have heard from a couple different mutual friends that BM rather be out partying than with the kids and doesn't seem to discipline when it's needed. When SD is sick, I am the one to make the appointment and take her if BD can't. SD has come home a number of times with major cuts and bruises and BM doesn't know how she got them, this includes a black eye that was split open. Instead of calling the doctor just left it and I call the doctor and made an appointment. Because of BD work schedule I drop her off and pick her up from school 4 days a week and because my schedule allows, we spend a lot of time together. BM started having a problem with me when SD was about 1. At this point she taught her to call me a "homewrecker" and other names. Recently when BF and I went to drop her off to BM, she clung to me and called me "Mom" in front of BM and wouldn't let go or let me put her down. It took about 10 minutes to calm her down. I felt a little bad about this. SD was never taught or told to call me "Mom". She did it on her own. She now says, "I have 2 Moms and I'm special!". Today she was on the sofa with me reading a book and she looked up at me and said, "I'm lucky to have 2 moms but Mama (name) says that I don't and you're not my mom. Am I still special?" So I tried as best as I could to explain to an almost 3-year-old the situation and told her that she would always be special. I have always tried not to let things get to me, but I'm starting to get frustrated that SD is starting to become stressed over going between two homes and when she goes to BM house, she is filled with negative things. I only wrote about a few of the things that have happened but I could use any advice or words of wisdom.
Just be the best SM you can
Just be the best SM you can be to her just as it sounds like you have been. It also sounds like there is a lot of neglect going on and BF needs to take BK back to court because of these issues. He shouldn't concern his self with the feelings of the BM but the safety and welling being of his child. He should makes notes with dates and times of the injuries and issues and maybe a judge will step in. I wish you and your family the best of luck in everything.
Thank you so much! We have
Thank you so much! We have kept a journal since she was 6 months. BF has also put things into the court documents but she flat out denies them and says he's a liar. It's frustrating and I just always tell myself I need to let BF and BM deal with it and just be there for SD. It's just so hard because I can tell that she is starting to realize what is going on. It breaks my heart. Thank you so much for the wishes and it feels good hearing that I'm not the only one thinking this situation is a little crazy.
I can see how it might be a
I can see how it might be a hard thing for BM to hear her daughter calling another woman "mom".
However, I think this is a situation where its completely understandable that sd would call you that. You've known her for pretty much her whole life and you're the mother figure who is present in her life half of the time. She sounds like a lucky little girl.
BM's feelings over this are something she will have to deal with. I'm sorry that your sd has to bear the weight of it, that shoud never happen. Just continue to be encouraging to her, keep on doing what you're doing. The only thing you have control over is yourself and the time that she's at your house. It sounds like you don't put down BM to her, and one day she'll thank you for that.
Good luck
PS.. When I said you have
PS.. When I said you have control only of the things that go on at your house, I was only meaning about what's said to sd. Of course document everything, you never know when it will be useful later..