Another baffling night
Husband told SD14 that she could go live with BM (an hour away), because according to BM that is what SD wants more than anything else in the world. The goal was for her to start the new semester of school at BMs.
But BM sent her back to us the night before school started, and we have had her ever since. Meantime, BM served us with court papers to get CS. (We have had SD for four years with no CS.) I think she won't take SD without CS.
Last night (Wednesday), BM had SD because she had volleyball. BM told SD she would NOT meet husband to exchange SD, as they do every week. If husband wanted SD, he would have to come to BM's house and get her. Evidently SD was crying because she wanted to come back here.
What the heck is going on?! Husband doesn't know and won't ask because that would mean a direct conversation with BM. Meantime, we're trying to prepare to go to court and fight CS. And what happened to SD "adamantly" (BM's words) wanting to live with BM? Why didn't she just stay up there when she had the chance?
She saw the green field
The grass isn't always greener. She probably witnessed that. Maybe it is a comfort thing or a stability thing. 14 huh - that's a tough one. I hope you get along with your SD, I don't well especially now.
Ask yourself if your door is one that revolves. Do you have any other children that this affects? Good luck sweetheart, be strong. 14yo don't have a clue as to what the want, they may act like they do, but what they want is direction, your BM obviously does not have the skills to give good direction.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
It's about control
BM wants control-so she is letting you and DH know that she is not going to make your lives easy. She is making things difficult and putting the poor kid in the middle. It isn't about what's best for the kid. She just wants to be in control,period. She is pissed that things are working out with the two of you, you are happy, and she has no control over it. So she is using the SD as a pawn to exert that control. By refusing to meet you to exchange the kid-she is putting the responsiblity off of her and onto DH. Then when DH says no, he is the bad guy, he is the one that doesn't want to see her. It is all manipulation-don't let her know you guys are upset,bothered by her actions. That is exactley what she wants.
StressedoutSM are you talking about my BM
Do we have the same one? Good to know, It's just not me. Sucks for all of us.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
My feedback
Stepwitch, most of the time SD acts like she hates me. But, at the same time, I am the only one (among husband and I, BM and her husband) who provides direction and consistency. I have expectations, which is why she hates me. No one else has expectations, including husband. Without expectations, SD can never disappoint him.
StressedoutSM, my concern is that she is going to pull this every Wednesday and make husband drive two hours. He wouldn't get home until 11 pm if that was the case! I am tempted to tell him to play hardball and say fine, you keep SD there and then explain to her why she is missing school.
game on
Elizabeth, play the hardball. BM will back down. If she can but will not meet half way, let her be the bad guy! gas is expensive and time and energy are limited! do this consistently or she will keep trying it.
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil
It does suck
After several years of being the bad guy, the kid stealer,root of all problem SK's have, and being the source of all evil the BM has finally given up on me. I don't let her get to me anymore or exert control over me. But man it was a long road to get to that point! She is just one of those women you CANNOT let in to your life or she will INVADE!!!!!!!!
sounds like the devil - or at least the antichrist !
Elizabeth - I know the feeling, guess what I got for all the direction given to my step daughter, a punch in the head !!! Yeah, worth it - I don't think so, or at least for now. Maybe she will eventually grow up - who knows and know what I don't really care. That BM raised a monster and now she can deal with her. I'm very fortunate that my husband also agrees or else there could be a nuclear explosure in Memphis. I too have expectations I think achievable ones are very healthy, but they can get out of hand quickly. Your hubby sounds like he just takes the poing "can't we all just get along" attitude. He needs to realize he is dealing with a child and not an adult.
StreesedoutSM - I got to tell ya I just snicker when I see your pic.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
SD hit me one time
Luckily she was 10 at the time and I can be very psychologically intimidating (when I need to be). I made it clear to her (no force involved) that she would not hit me again. She tries to be physically intimidating to me, but that's not going to work either. For example, if both of us need to go through the same section of the house she tries to make me step aside for her. Or if I give her instructions face to face, she tries to stare me down. I've already decided that if she EVER hits me again, I will call the police. No way I will put up with something like that in my house, and I will not leave it to the mercy of my husband to end up feeling sorry for her and decide I was at fault for not letting her have her way.
I don't know how you coped with that! I would have hit the roof.
She's Gone !!!
No contact has been made from her since Monday Week ago. I'm now dealing with the fallout from the in-laws who feel very sorry for her that she had cancer, broken home, bad BM, etc. Anyway, whatever can be difficult at times, but Hubby on my side. So they can take thier pitty and apply it as neccessary. LOLOLOLOL
I'm sorry that is happening so early, I hope it gets better. Best I can say is to get ready for the worst. I think it's the boyscouts that say always be prepared for the unexpected? Keep posting !
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Why didn't you guys get
Why didn't you guys get child support during the 4 years you had SD?
If BM gets custody, I think its gonna be pretty tough to not pay child support. Hope I'm wrong for your sake.
Trying to keep things amicable
BM moved an hour away (without court's approval) when SD was 11. Husband and BM went through mediation, which was the first step required in the court papers. As a result, SD stayed with us. But BM refused to sign anything saying as much. Husband didn't want her to take it out on SD so he never pushed the issue. So we have had SD for four years (in April) with no CS.
I think, at a minimum, she should have to go without CS for four years (at which time SD will be 18) just to call things even. We'll see...
Yikes. I agree in fairness
Yikes.
I agree in fairness that's what should happen. But the court system doesn't work that way. My husband paid CS the first 7 years of my SD's life. Then he got custody, and we haven't seen a dime. The court order is for BM to pay $80/month IF SHE GETS A JOB, which she chooses not to.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
We didn't get a dime or a red cent for matter..
At least you have a court order. My DH took the attitude that you can't get blood from a turnip. SD spent 5 years with us and all we got from BM was a hard time. Maybe the court order can be enforced? Good for you!
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Maybe. Not that $80/month is
Maybe. Not that $80/month is going to make much difference. 20/week CS? Its insane. My husband paid more than that when he was going to college full time.
Actually, in some ways I like that she doesn't pay CS. I don't want her feeling entitled to ask for additional visitation and such. Which I KNOW would happen.
Entitlement comes with the title not the money.
That is what I have found. But it is just the point that she does have to be financially accountable, no matter the amount, know what I mean. Our BM (always think of Bowel Movement when I type BM - makes me laugh cause it is fitting) acts like she is always in control no matter what. SD adores her trashy ass stupid leaching mother, as she should. Proof - she turned out just like her.
If I could, I would make BM pay. But it wasn't up to me - I'm just the stepwitch who helps to pay for her very existance - not anymore!
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
So frustrating.
The whole SD adoring BM thing drives me batty. BM can't manage to keep a phone because she never pays the bill on time. SD always defends this and has a litany of excuses SD seems to think are reasonable ("she's just out of minutes...")
BM sends SD (age 10) back to us after her weekend with full-on whore make-up. But that's because BM is cool.
SD comes back from BM's house and announces that she's only gonna date black guys, because white guys suck. (my husband and BM BOTH are white as toast!) Hello? You're 10! You aren't dating anyone.
Ugh. It goes on and on. Also, I love when the good clothes I bought SD get left at BM's house and then disappear forever. grrrrrrrr.
We must have the same BM
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!