FH should respect your wishes on this matter. If it is "no big deal" to him, but it is to you, then that should settle it. Especially if waiting inside can cause problems. He can wait outside. End of story.

My exH & I have been split since my son was 2. Usually we meet half way, so at neithers house. There was a few times back then, and the last year always, that I have had to go all the way to his house. There has only been 1 time in all these dropoffs/pickups that I went inside, and that was because when we split & he moved out of state, he took no furniture with him. Well once he got his own place, he needed furniture. My DH & I were not married yet, but he was moving in with me, so we took my exH some furniture and helped him get it inside (some stuff took 2-3 people to lift) So we both went into his house. That the ONLY time. Otherwise, I call him a couple minutes before I get there & he comes out. We exchange our son & his bag and thats it. No need to go in, I agree. Even when he was only 2 I didn't need to go in. And the one time we did go in it creeped the hell outta me! Oh & when we would go to SS's state & pick him up DH would go into BMs trailer to take his stuff in for him (while I sat in the car). I told him I didn't like it so he stopped, he just walks it to the door for him now. But thats only once a year.

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

i hate that DH goes into BMs house when picking up and dropping off snowshyte. it's insane. she's 11, he can wait in the car and honk:) it just makes me jealous i guess that he's in bms house and my bs6 father NEVER comes into our house. DH would have a cow if he did. It just makes me feel BM has so much control.

Be lucky he isn't going to the kids bedroom everytime he goes there...DH used to do that when snowshyte would make excuses for him to stay longer..."i have this to show you in my room...can you tuck me in?? can you give me a bath??" ARGH!

"We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.”

I would rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I am not.

are done at a neutral public location. We dont trust the bm, she has made accusations in the past agiants dh and I, tries to play the victim(like we are some physical threat to her, all the while it is her that borders on losing it) and then there are the occassions she has tried to flirt with, come on to my dh. At our recent modification hearing these concerns were brought before the judge,(and since bm refuses to have me present at the exchanges) the judge ordered that my dh and his ex bring video cameras to all exchanges for documentation,which is what dh does now. We now have the quickest exchanges we have ever had( as bm has stopped her drama at the exchanges and keeps her mouth shut) its wonderful, pick up or drop off ss and we are done.

Not acceptable. And if she was any decent woman, she would also not allow it. Obviously she's not. Obviously too many DHs are either to stupid to realize how sleazy their ex's are or get off on having two women fight over them...I would tell him no way and if he insists, tell him next time you BOTH go in...I have a feeling it will stop rather quickly.

He does not need to go in at all. Stand at the door (outside), have her bring him out to the car for a quick exchange, or meet somewhere neutral. When I pick up my BS from his dad's I pull up and honk and vice versa. BS is 5 so he is old enough to just come out to the car on his own though. When BM and BF have to do an exchange they meet at the store parking lot.

I had to beat it into DH's head that you don't need to go in!! But the BM flips out and says what if I need to tell you something, you can't say hi, etc. But, oh well, he don't care no more! LOL!

Sit in the car, honk, when the kid comes out get the bag and put it in the car. That's our routine.

~Happiness is defined by the smile on your face, not the frown on others.~

and wait for FSD (10), sometimes 15 minutes or longer (while I was in the CAR!) however, once he *REALIZED* - DING!DING!DING! - that my ex would be getting out of prison soon, and he wouldn't want ME going in HIS house, he decided we should both wait at the door when picking up our kids.

UGH! Men can be such ding dongs! lol

DH and BM went into each others homes once to see the SK's rooms because the SK's were excited top show their parents their new rooms. DH/myself and BM bought new houses at the same time. Since then, 6 years later, they have not stepped foot into each others homes. #1) This is MY house and she is not welcome. #2) She used to show up at her door in a towel or bikini (gross!) and I can't imagine what story she would make up if he were to actually go in. It was his decision to stay out not mine. #3) DH has never lived in that home and does not belong there. It would be confusing for the SK's.

Typically, everyone knows when the SK's are being picked up or dropped off. There is absolutely NO excuse for the SK's to not be ready. They should have their stuff packed and by the door and waiting somewhere in the house to leave at a moments notice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Waiting for them to simply PAS out!" ~ Wicked2Three

BM ALWAYS feels the need to come in to our house. Every time. I can usually cut her off at the front entry but it just prompts SS to invite her upstairs to see his room BLAH BLAH BLAH, that is a WHOLE OTHER ISSUE.

But back to the point. FH never goes in. In fact at the house she lives in now, there is a front gate and we don't even go past that. Her big nasty filthy dog starts barking so she will come out and meet us as the gate. But it is like a maze getting back to her house, that is at the back end of a junk yard... so I usually go up to the gate with him. It is not out of the orfinary though, no one has ever made a big deal out of it. If I am NOT there when we pick SS up, that is the first thing SS asks "where's SM??". I would be furious if he went in for no reason. Sometimes he makes it a point, to see how filthy her house it. She leaves the front door open and he always peeks inside to see what condition the place is in. She is a mess!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )

I agree there is no need to go in, but I do think you are over thinking this a bit. My H used to walk SD to the door, it bothered me--before our sons were born ( I had no Bkids). I told him at her age she is perfectly capable to walk to the car herself. It bugged me like it does you.

But after having my own children I see that I was silly to even spend time thinking about this "issue". I know that you have much bigger issues at hand, don't spend time on this one.

Because my SD has told me what it felt like when she was little. She always hated the neutral drop off locations. It made the pain of the situation even worse when they were meeting in some church or other parking lot and then she'd get out of one car and go into another. Like she was a "transaction". I cannot even imagine for a child what that must feel like. ESPECIALLY when some of these ex's are not the most pleasant or have no qualms about saying things about the other parent in front of the children while they are waiting. She also told me how sad it made her because her mom was late most of the time. Poor kid. At least her daddy made it up to her by letting her drive his truck and playing other fun games while they waited. Ugh! When we moved in together (before we were married) BM was able to stop by our house as it was on the way home from her work. She did not want to come in. She would beep her horn or stand outside and have a sour look on her face. All this did was make her own daughter feel like, c'mon... I have to go through this crap and you're giving attitude?? There would be times that SD would WANT mom to come in and see her room, her garden, something her dad made.... Whatever it was, she wanted mom to come in for a moment. BM HATED it because she hated seeing our happy home. And to be honest, sometimes I did feel like our home was a reminder to her of what she F*cked up. DH and I insisted that BM come in and we'd offer her a soda or something to be polite. We don't have the same situation as some of the others with really crazy ex's on here. BUT if you have an ex like ours that's just plain old stupid, selfish, and a lazy victim, then YES - in my own humble and uneducated opinion - INVITE her in to your home with a smile and a welcome. And when DH goes to get son, I'd go with him and go right in BM'S house. Why not?? What?? The invitation inside is only for DH and not for StepMom? Ohhh then keep going with him and pretty soon Ss will be asking you to come into his room and see the things he's excited about! Play the game, don't be played! (Sorry was watching a rap video on TV) ha!! I'm so white and nerdy....

If I thought that BM on this side was trying to woo or seduce DH (oh shoot , excuse me while I run to the bathroom... :sick: ) then I can't say that I wouldn't be the same way about having him go into her home alone. I definitely would be worried / nervous and then go with him - if for nothing else than to see her disappointment as she wears something skimpy and I walk in the door! ha!!). But It sounds like you really know what you want / need to do. Maybe just let DH know how you don't want this to turn into a "transaction" but BM is forcing it to be that way. Who knows... maybe by the time SS is a little older BM will have some other man to torture and things will settle down. And if not, just keep your end of the pick-up/drop-off pleasant and happy... SD remembers her dad letting her drive his truck at 8 years old (on his lap) and doing wheelies in the snow in the parking lot waiting for BM. She remembers BM always being late (without reason) and stressed out. So you can make this work! Good luck!