*Sigh* Step-Teen.....
I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve been a member of this site for awhile now…but I haven’t posted in a long time for a variety of reasons….none of which seems to make any sense to me at the moment but…..
I do come here often to read (without signing in) and my heart really goes out to you all. My situation seems relatively “normal” compared to the crap you all go through….especially with the BM. I couldn’t imagine my BM being as psycho as the ones some of you deal with on a daily basis. The only issue I have with my BM is that she is dumb as a box of rocks and a horrible mother. She wants to be “friends” with SD instead of parent her….which brings me to my reason for posting today.
SD has been unhappy coming to our house for quite some time now because we have rules at our house and her mother doesn’t give her any over there. (because who gives friends rules right??) The only time she was coming to our house is when she needed us to buy something for her or wanted something from us. At any rate, once she turned 13 in January this year she decided that she was going to stay at her mother’s (for awhile) because she was mad at DH. The only thing we can think of is that he makes her go to school whereas the BM won’t make her go and will pick her up early on a whim. She has missed a lot of school and is on the verge of failing.
Meanwhile we find out that her mother threw a party for her on her birthday and let her get drunk. Yes you read that correctly….her mother let her (13 years old) get drunk….to the point she had a hang over the next morning. SD still doesn’t know that her dad and I know anything about it. Needless to say we haven’t heard a word from her or seen her since she decided not to come anymore which was the day after her party/birthday.
DH just received a text from her saying hey and asking how he was doing. He told her fine and that we all missed her and would see her when she decided to come home. He hasn’t heard anything since that. The strange part is that she should be in school at 11:30am….unable to text as they can’t have their phones out during school hours. (I’m sure they find ways around it….teens are resourceful when they want to be) But I still thought it was kinda strange. I don’t know if she wants something or if she really misses him. Her behavior here lately has been killing him.
I don’t know if I’m looking for words of wisdom from someone or if I just needed to get that off of my chest…..
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Isn't that illegal or something?
Does she not have to be in school-and couldn't BM get into some kind of trouble offering alcohol to a 13 year old?
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
That is VERY illegal and she
That is VERY illegal and she will get in trouble with the school once her absences have reached so many days. The only issue with the drinking is that it's her word against ours and it's so freakin hard to prove a mother unfit anymore...which sux. As far as the absences go....I'm not sure how all of that is handled since my kids get up and go to school. I would hope that she would get in some sort of trouble but knowing my luck she won't. I've decided that stupid people like her don't really have any bad issues because they are too freakin stupid to realize something bad has happened!
20 days
After they miss 20 days they automatically flunk their grade. I would go to the school and ask to see her records so you will know the truth about how many days she has been out. When a kd is in trouble school is the first thing that suffers.
I think you hit the nail on the head
When you say that stupid people are too stupid to realize something bad has happened. I spent a lot of time waiting to see BM have some consequences come rolling her way. Finally when they did, though, it didn't phase her in the least. Why? Because she simply didn't care. Unfortunately, nowadays even IF you have documented evidence of neglect etc. it's only a little smack on the wrist and a visit to parenting classes and the kids go right back again. I used to work in Child Protective Services (please Crayon, don't kill me), and I saw it all too often. It's a shame.
"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"
BM could be in jail
JamaicanMeCrazy
DISNEY LIED...THERE IS NO 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'
if she lived in my county. Our states attorney has put several parents in jail for allowing their kids to be chronic truants.
Were there other kids present at the birthday party? If so, BM could have gone to jail for permitting minors to drink alcohol. Even if it was just her kid drinking, how poor of taste was that? She sounds like a real winner. It's amazing to me that you have to have a license to fish, drive a vehicle, hunt and dozens of other licenses, but all you have to do to proclaim to be a "mother" is have a vagina to pop a kid out of - go figure!
Any witnesses?
I know you don't want to mess with her....she sounds REAL DUMMMMMMM!....but, if anyone took a picture of her drunk with their phone or reported this to any other parents (anyone who would let a group of YOUNG teens drink is really playing with fire),
she could be looking at serious jail time or at least one heck of a hefty fine (or both!!)
If you don't have to delve too deeply or put YOURSELF out in any major way, I'd pursue having her reported to the authorities. NEXT TIME, someone might decide to DRIVE when leaving one of these kiddie "bashes", then you're looking at a potentially LETHAL situation.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
The drinking might be hard to prove
But truancy is illegal. I would put a call into the superintendent to investigate.
If she is truly skipping out and BM is letting her, BM would be accountable and could lose custody. (Not sure if you are ready for that possibility as SD sounds like she will be a highly destructive force in your home.
My other question though is..
Is SD depressed? At 13, I got involved with drinking, smoking, drugs and stayed home "sick" a lot the year after by brother's car accident/paralysis.
I was trying to escape pain I couldn't even begin to handle on my own or understand.
If SD didn't ask for anything, maybe she did text b/c she misses her dad. SD herself may not even realize how much.
Goodluck!
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
That is sad
I tell you, 13 year olds will drink and that BM is a piece of work! Maybe you could invite SD over soon? although I don't know the circumstances of why she is staying away (I have a teen SD too so I know how it is). Hopefully she won't do anything too bad before deciding to come back.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin