Silence is not always "Golden"
Sunday night my BD completed a homework essay on the computer and decided to just print it out Monday morning to take to school with her..It's a good thing that she decided to proof read it again before printing it out and taking it to school to turn it because she discovered that "someone" had gone onto the computer and "messed with" her assignment..She showed it to me and sure enough it had been "tampered with" and there were cuss words added to several parts of the paper!! She had also discovered that her Itunes had been messed with and a bunch of her songs deleted off the family computer..
Well now, who would do such a thing???? Hmmmmm...Let's see now..Step Snot gets up at 5 am because she has to catch her bus by 6:30 am to make the hour bus ride to school...DH is up and out the door at 4:30 am...My BD doesn't even get up until 7:oo AM...That leaves Step Snot the only one awake for about an hour and a half...
Last night when Step Snot gets home from school I confronted her on it..She, of course, looked me dead in my face with DH and my BD standing there and LIED to me, not once, but three times. She said she hasn't been ont he computer because she is "grounded" from it..(She is but like that ever stopped her before? nope) I have her several oppurtunities to tell me the truth to which DH witnessed.
So, after she went upstaires I went onto my computer survelience software and it showed that the stuff was "tampered" with at on Monday at 6:00 am...When I confronted Step Snot with it she then tried to tell me that she only went on the computer to "check the weather to see if she needed to sear a scarf to school or not"..Another lie...
When I told her that it was time stamped and it showed me exactly what was typed, what websit was visited, and at what times..Only then did she admit that she had, indeed, done those things. All of this took place right in front of DH and BD..
Just to reiterate and clarify I said to her, " So then you got onto the computer when you were grounded from it..Messed with BD's homework..And got on her Itunes and mess with it after she has told you repeatedly to stay off her ITUNES...And stood here and bold faced lied to me repeatedly several times..Does that about sum it up?" She said, "Yes"..
Silence...DH was sitting right there...I didn't say another word and neither did Step Snot...Both of us just looked at him...He did the usual...Silence...Sigh...Say the Step Snots name in a whisper...And then said, "I don't know what to do with you..Your already grounded from electronics and from out side with your friends." He then tells her to just go to her room...
It's the next morning and he still has yet to deal with her or do anything about her behavior towards me or my daughter..He says to me this morning, I just don't know what to do with her...I just rolled my eyes and left the room...
When he fains the "helpless" parent like that..Does nothing but "sigh" and doesn't correct her immediatley it sends her the message that SHE has the upper hand..That she can do what ever she wants under our roof or to anyone in the house..That she has exasperated her father to the point that she has "broke him" and it give her all the control and power in the house...
How can a "parent" let their kid get away with such blantant, rotten, and malicious behavior and not "know what to do about it"???
I just don't get it..But I am sooooo tired of my house, life, family, and belongings being held hostage by his 12 year old tyrant...
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sometimes
Sometimes I think a parent gives up. When they do you are going to be in for a wild ride.
WTF
:jawdrop: I cant believe that! No way would I put up with that. Where is the computer located? Is there a way you can move it somewhere where SD cant get at it? At least untill your H gets it together to do something about it. Im so sorry you have to deal with this.
password protected
Can you do that to the computer, make it password protected so she can't get on it. I used to have to do that with my ex husband so he would not look at porn & infect my computer. It is that way to this day & both DH & I have our own sign on identitys. Not for that reason, we each have our work VPN's loaded on that computer & in assures that neither will accidentally log into the others.
Has she been to therapy, if not she really needs it. This child sounds like a sociopath. I think parenting classes for your husband would be a must as well. I think I feel the worst for your BD, it sucks to live with that kind of disfunction & malice.
ROTTEN
That is a rotten thing to do and i would have jumped all over her and her father if he didnt want to deal with it.I feel sorry for your bd having to put up with stepsnot!Why dont you put the computer in your daughters room and put a lock on her door and you and bd have the only key!!!That way your bd can do her homework in peace and not have to worry about it being tampered with.I would not allow stepsnot on the computer until she shows some respect toward everyone else in your house.If she doesnt want to be responsible with the privilage of having a computer than give it to your bd who uses it responsably!!
Hey, D...
It's pretty obvious that Snotlips is intimidated by your BD.....you have to protect your OWN daughter, to hades with Bratanella.
Just take care of your daughter and blow the "bad one" off. Totally. Include her in nothing as best you can. EXCELLENT behavior is rewarded; acting like a DIPSHIT is ignored.
The fact that she is so YOUNG is scary, but she has to learn that certain behaviors are UNACCEPTABLE.
As SAD as her situation with BM is, the truth is, society, in general, really doesn't CARE, and if she's hacking into computers in 5-6 years, she WILL see prison time.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
Silent is not always golden
I feel your pain and can say without hesitating, that I have a step snot just like yours, She is 13 and has been in therapy a long time. It will get to the point where there is nothing else to take away. I've been dealing with this for 9 years and still counting. I don't want to make it hopeless for you, But what your H is doing is letting you step in to look like the bad guy. Instead of him doing his fatherly job, he is reinforcing her feelings tore you. Thinking it's all your fault that she is in trouble. So she will lash back at your BD to hurt you. It's a circle. It won't stop until he steps up and takes the blinders off. I'm dealing with the same thing. I know how you feel.
Wow....
I had something similar happen a few years ago when we had EOW visitation. We had a family computer downstairs. Well, it was really mine, but out of the goodness of my heart I shared it with DH and SDs. I usually run my errands on Saturdays, and Saturday is DH's "nap day." He was upstairs sleeping and I was out running errands when the younger SD (YSD) went on to the computer and tampered with some of DH's work assignments. Thank goodness he proof-read them before he printed them off before he went to work on Monday. Some of my stuff was tampered with too (though it wasn't as important as DH's work stuff) so the next time we had them I confronted BOTH girls about it and YSD finally admitted, after a few times of my asking her, that she did it.
As DH did zilch about it, I went on my computer, emailed him all of his and SDs important stuff, and told him later that night that I am moving my computer upstairs to OUR ROOM and changing the password so the SDs don't know it. I didn't even tell it to DH for fear he might tell the SDs. I also told him a) if you want, I have no problems with buying YOU a laptop/computer FOR YOURSELF ONLY or b) if you want to buy another computer for down here, that's fine but let me warn you that if you don't correct YSD's behavior on this (and other issues) then if she continues to do this, she'll be facing jail time. It was great for me and me only to know the password, because then I didn't have to worry about anyone's hacking onto my computer. Maybe this could also help you and your BD.
How awful for your BD.
Thank goodness she did read it and not just turn in the homework. Imagine how embarassing that would have been for her.
I would have to take this into my own hands if I were you. I would make sure DH knew that since he did nothing the punishment would be handed out by me. And I would have a family meeting with you all there and make sure she is aware that you will discipline her in your home, and when the rules are laid out they are followed or punishable!
Don't let her walk free after that. You have to show BD that you aren't going to tolerate anyone messing with her, her stuff, and especially her homework. I know if it were your BD doing stuff like that to SD you would flip, so do the exact same for SD.
((((hugs))))
D!
Girl I am so sorry that stepsnootie pulled another one on you guys. You have this kid 24/7 if I remember correctly so your DH needs to get off his ass and start being a parent. The fact that he sat there and said one sentence in a quiet tone would have made me lose it. What step snot did was just malicious and cruel - to actually tamper with your BD's homework like that. Your BD could have really gotten in trouble with the school and YOU would have been getting a phone call at home if she hadn't double-checked her assigment. I would have a talk with your DH and ask him what HE is going to do to fix this situation. I would vote for no computer (and put password protection on it), no going outside, no phone, no whatever, if she has to sit in her room all day when she comes home from school and stare at all 4 walls then so be it. I also took the door off the hinges because I was tired of his snotty attitude and slamming the door so i removed it. I did this with my own son when he was 15 and until things improved - which took a few months he had nothing but books and those 4 walls. Like hell I am going to get treated like shit in my own home by my own kid or anyone else's. Hang in there D and stick to your guns!!!!
I'm just so done ...
Hey everyone,
Thanks for all your words of widsom and for listening to me...The computer is actually Dh's computer we bought it for gaming but he has it down staires and lets the kids all use it.....I own my own lap top and I am the only one allowed to touch it. My lap top is password protected and is in my room or under lock and key when I am gone...
I suggested to DH months ago to password protect his computer because this is an on going thing with the step snot...I told him to password protect it last night..He said he would, but as of yet, Nope...And he won't either...He is the King of saying no follow through..
Soooooo.....I stuck my old lap top in the shop today to be fixed and cleaned and I am presenting that to BD as a gift..I will help her to pass word protect it and get her a safe to put it and her other special items she doesn't want Step Snot breaking, stealing, or fingering. Of course, I will not hesitate to present her my old lap top right under Step Snot's nose...
Sigh...I just can't wait to get moved back to the States so that I can work on getting myself and my kids in a situation to get out own place... I'm not talking divorce but I do think that it's best for me and my kids that we have our own place...And that he be left on his own to deal with the mess he and his family created...
I just want my life and my home back... Neverending was right about one thing...I should "get out" because I do absolutley HATE the Step Snot...And I think myself and my kids deserve a comfortable home, our own space, and some breathing room from this nightmare child that was dumped into my lap...I simply don't love my husband as much as I Hate his kid...
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities.~ disgusted