New beginning or the beginning of the end
I can’t seem to write these things without getting so long winded and wound up in the process so I am trying to keep this short.
After almost having a total stress melt down I spoke with my wife. I asked her if she loved me and actually wanted things to work. She was relieved at my question as she said she was expecting me to say I was fed up and wanted a divorce. She thought that's why I was so obviously stressed and depressed recently. I let her know that I wondered if she was trying to push me into exactly that, but I do not want a divorce.
We talked, agreed we want it to work. I did say clearly that I can’t keep living like this. I don’t expect everything to be fixed instantly but some things need immediate improvements or obvious movement toward improvement.
We didn’t get too far into details as things can turn ugly when you tell a women her parenting style needs work. So we will be working on this exclusively in counseling for now. I am trying to work out sessions on a weekly basis for while. We have been on an every other week basis for costs and sitter reasons. My mom watches BD2 when we have a session so I need to see how open she is to more.
I plan on directing our sessions on her parenting and giving in to SD13 in all cases, how it’s them against me and it has to stop. I am bringing in copies of articles on guilt parenting to refer to.
I am either going to get things on the road to recovery or I will expedite the end of my marriage. I’m hoping for the former. My wife doesn’t handle direct approached and blunt conversation but I see nothing left in my toolbox but direct statements on where I am and what I see and what I see wrong with it. I don’t know, but I feel the counselor will mostly support this.
Next week begins a new beginning or the beginning of the end.
- MSloan86's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
You
are making a step forward and hopefully your wife sees the same way.People will respond more if it comes from an outsider.I hope you and your wife resolve this and good luck with your counselling.
Agreeing to work it out
is good! This is where things started to improve greatly for DH and I. He texted me and told me "let's work it out." Since then, we have been.
Just keep communicating. Letting things fester will always end in a stress meltdown like you describe. DH and I have been the biggest "festerers" of all time and it does no good.
I'm glad things are progressing for you. Yeah, score one for MSloan!
"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac
I hope everything
works out for you MS, you seem to be trying so hard..I just hope she sees that she has a real good man and things gets better for you both..
You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Sir Winston Churchill..
I commend you
For talking to your wife and telling her how you really feel. You are giving it your all to make this relationship work and going to counseling once a week I think will make a difference vs. going every other week. This way you can stay on top of any issues that come up. Good luck and please let us know what happens.
Fingers crossed for you, MSloan
We know how much you are trying to get your wife to "see the light" in order to make your marriage work out- for you, her and your BD as well.
We're all pulling for you.
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
Thanks for the encouraging
Thanks for the encouraging words.
I am hopeful but I am nervous. The reasons Ive avoided tackling this head on in counseling is because I felt it was a mine field I couldnt navigate and would end badly.
Without going through this mine field it WILL end badly so now there is nothing more to loose than what I will loose otherwise.
Be prepared
Sometimes I would come out of my counseling sessions with my FH and I would leave madder then when I got there! It is really hard to bring everything out in the open and have to deal with it. It being the reality that we are living in - and facing the issues that are making us miserable. For me it got worse before it started to get better. Hang in there - you are doing the right thing!
Talking is a good start
Good on you for talking to your wife! I hope you were somewhat relieved to have your feelings out in the open finally.
Counseling should be really helpful. I'm in counseling now with fh and it's really making a huge difference. I hope you have a good counselor that you both like and respect...it makes all the difference.
Best of luck!
Well Done!
That took alot of guts and courage and you should be so proud of yourself that you took this step and finally spoke to her.
Good luck with all your counseling sessions, it the first step in the right direction.