Terrified
Ok.. so as you all know, I am pregnant. I am now in my 24th week, and will be 25 weeks this coming Sunday. That said, we still have not told the skids. I have successfully managed to hide the stomach under over-sized and baggy clothing.
For those that forgot why we hadn't told them yet, I was afraid their bm would ruin the holidays if she knew sooner. (let face it.. she lost it over me getting a new car w/my salary.. I can only imagine what this will do to her)..
I am terrified what their reaction might be.. and even more so over HER reaction. I really do not like confrontations w/her, as she is LOCO!! She had a fit when ss10 called to wish me a Happy Mother's Day last May...
DH and I have been enjoying every minute of my pregnancy, even the sick ones.. and bringing them in on our secret feels like the good time of the pregnancy are about to end. I am worried they are going to take it badly, and make life hard between now and then. We have a fun way of telling them. My gf across the street has a 12 piece puzzle that says we are having a baby... We are going to have them put that together, then DH is going to answer the questions and talk to them w/me there. We thought it best if they hear it from HIM rather than me.
Also, lately.. DH has been saying.. things like.. When the skids were born.. or When we were pregnant w/the skids... and I get upset. I dint say anything to him, I just change the subject. This came up of course while signing up for our registry.. and it was just another reminder how this isn't his first.. just mine.
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yep...I remember
those days. When our BS's were born, DH used to constantly tell me that when she was born this and that.... blah blah blah was all I heard. Finally, in one of my "rare" pregnant mood swings, I told him to shut the f up about her damn preganancies and let me have mine. The look on his face was priceless...... funny now, but I did later apologize and explained how I wanted to have my own experience w/out it being tainted with his previous wife. He said he understood and I NEVER heard another word about it. To this day, he will never compare the skids with our boys, ever..... I think he's still scared... hahaha }:)
oh chica
i cant imagine how hard this must be for u. i know that feeling so well of all our firsts really only being mine...
i wouldnt worry too much about the reaction from BM...it is what it is and u cant change it. just take whatever she does, one step at a time. remember this is a happy time, and in a way its a first for Dh too...its the first child w the love of his life! that sounds special to me! and im sure it does to him too.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Its only lately that he has
Its only lately that he has been doing this.. like the past week. I think that is why I havent exploded yet. I almost didnt register for something, because its what they had got for the skids. LITERALLY.. I had the gun.. and thought about pretending to register for it.. or flat out NOT registering for it.. but really. I do know that I need a highchair type thing, and wanted the portable fit on any regular chair one, as our house is small.. and a high chair is big and clunky. BUT MAN, did I think about changing my mind in that exact moment.
The other thing was the changing pad didnt need a cover.. didnt have one for the skids... so I IMMEDIATELY picked out a cover for the changing pad.
Bella.. you rule!! thank
Bella.. you rule!! thank you. Its also the first that he got to make the decision that he wanted. She just got knocked up w/the twins and that is why they got married. He had no say w/them.. he has 50% say now.
oh and glad i could help!
youre most welcome!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Don't be terrified
Who cares what BM thinks, says, or does? You're a grown, married woman... and you can't be pregnant? That's ridiculous. I would tell BM to shove it if she ever tried to say something nasty to you. She needs to move on.
As for the kids, I think that's a very cute and creative way to tell them. I'm sure they'll be understanding, and hopefully excited that they have a younger sibling on the way!
I haven't had children of my own yet, so I'm a bit nervous when I do get pregnant and DH will start talking about what it's like and yadadada. It does hurt that he can't have the "it's my first baby!" experience with you... rather, he had that experience with another woman. Next time he brings up something from BM's pregnancy... I would just tell him to shut up. It's not BM's pregnancy! It's yours!
actually, its bella's dh who rules!
in fact, we had this very same conversation today. bella is in hyper senstive mode due to the circumstances of the past week (see post: it gets worse)...i digress. DH tells me ALL that time that yes, while he has been there and done that w TWO different women, and married to one, NONE of the children were planned, wanted initially and the wedding was out of obligation since he and BM1 had 2 kids together. now, he gets to CHOOSE when we have kids, got to CHOOSE to get married and it makes the experience to him, his own first. to him, everything IS new and a first bc its SOOOOO much different, and something he actually wants to be a part of, will be an ACTIVE part of and can be happy about.
it does make me feel a bit better knowing all this.
hey, we stepmoms need to take what we can get!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I know bm shouldnt make me
I know bm shouldnt make me upset, but some of the things she says and does are just horrible, and they do end up upsetting me.
I do plan on letting my inner b*tch out to play if she says anything negative. I just know she will view it as a loss of control over my dh. I think that perhaps DH might grow a backbone now that there is another baby.. and that he will be less likely to be walked all over.. That is what I am hoping!! lol
i hear that
for me, just DH having to deal w her and see her at exchanges FLIPS me out. its so hard to let her not get to u. she just does such horrible things like urs that its soooo hard not to.
wish i could follow my own advice
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
We do bella.. I just didnt
We do bella.. I just didnt think of it from that aspect.. so you can tell your dh tonight that he rules, and his philosophy made a pregnant woman VERY happy today!! lol
I did read about your car problems. I am soo sorry!!
its hard FIM!!
so often i know i focus on the negative...the past, the "im not his first" anything...etc etc etc. its really only thru fighting w him about it that i get the reassurance that i need when he says things like that! i DONT see it from that angle, bc im too focused on all the negatives. DH helps alot w this, and i know he means it and really feels that way and that makes me feel great. chel bell has helped me see things from this side too...!
i will tell him--he will be happy especially today since we were fighting about the very same issues!
Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
You are his first
Chosen one.
I like the sound of that.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
me too!
im also his first non-psycho apparently, though i guess im psychotic in my own ways...
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I like the sound of that as
I like the sound of that as well!!!
Exactly Bella.. just when I
Exactly Bella.. just when I think that she just cant get any worse, she always manages to pull one out of her @ss and shock me.. I do not know why anything that passes through her lips or her actions surprise me anymore... but amazingly they still do.
She called dh's work on Christmas to check up on him and see if he was there. She bypassed calling his cell, and called his work number, that I DONT EVER CALL!! yep, asking people there to look for him. He found out when he called her from his cell later on.. she actually said, how she called and he couldnt be located.
WHATEVER!
I love this...
you states "just when I think that she just cant get any worse, she always manages to pull one out of her @ss and shock me.. " I say something like that all the time... just when I think that BM cannot do any worse things she comes out tops herself. We are trying to get pregnant and I know that BM will be pissed as now I have the only thing she had left that was soley btw her and my H and that is a child. If your SS had the decency to call you on Mother's Day while with his BM I bet then the kids will be just fine and if BM does raise hell and upset you just know that she is trying to upset you because you have pissed her off twice as bad without the intentions to...I take comfort in that lots of times cause if she is upsetting me it is because she is way more upset...it is all jealousy!
You know.. this is why I
You know.. this is why I love coming to this site. I guess it never crossed my mind that if ss went out of his way to call me on Mother's Day, and had to ask his stepdad to make the call to me.. that he would be fine w/a new baby. That is a great perspective. OMG.. That totally raised my spirits! thank you.
I think SS will be
happy about it. The BM most certainly will not be, but who cares she should worry about her own life.
I agree, don't be upset, she's just jealous!
from reading your blog, i can tell you're really sincere, trying to get through all this, and get past the negativity. one thing to remember to stay positive is that BM is really just so jealous she can't see straight, and that's why she is trying to bring you down and creat drama in your life. when i think of how much turmoil my H's BM must be in, it just makes me shrug it off and sometimes almost feel bad for her in a way. don't get me wrong, i get furious! but i do have to remember that she is just playing a game and trying to get us caught up in the drama and fighting to make herself feel better. if i don't let it get to me, then i am winning! stay in your own little world, and when she tries to bring havock into your life, just laugh it off and think of how immature she really is!
also, you should have a talk with your husband and just tell him to level with you and think about how he would feel if tables were turned on the baby stuff- mentioning previous relationship and pregnancy things. put him completely in your shoes and ask him how he would feel if he had no children, you did, and brought up things you and your ex did, bought, etc... he should get it. it always helps to try and get them to completely picture being in your shoes! believe me, i've done it a few times. don't blame him though, because i think honestly, they don't even think about it at all until you bring it to their attention.
good luck in everything! so happy for your prenancy! i will be trying soon and i'm already anxious!
hanginginthere
I have often thought that
I have often thought that she is jealous of me.. its funny that you say that. I have a good job that pays well, and have supported myself in the past and present.. she cant say that. She can barely hold down a job... she seems to go through jobs like they grow on trees.. she doesnt do well w/people that have a difference of opinion w/her, so you can imagine how she must be to work with, let alone have work for you.
She is remarried, and has been since I started dating my dh. That said, I think she just still wants full control over not only her dh, but mine as well. She likes to think they are friends, a team if you will. She actually said that to me once, that they are a team, and I am just an outsider. Ummmmm.. ha.. if she only knew what he thought of her and said about her. If only!!
I have tried in the past to be nice.. that got me NOWHERE but physically assaulted on one occassion and verbally assaulted on many occassions. I have rules in my house, that my parents had in theirs.. and for that I am mean. Those rules include but are not limited to: No throwing of ANYTHING in the house, no food or drink in any room other than the kitchen and dining room, no feet on the couches, no sitting on the backs or arms of couches or chairs, no going into the adult bedroom unless invited in and NEVER if they are not in the room, no playing in the bathrooms or kitchens or on the stairs, no going into the basement (except the summer to get out the bike), and they must have an adult present to cross the street to the neighbor's house, only 1 tv will be airing children programming (we have 2, so they think they should EACH get to watch what they want)
Those are a sample. Nothing that I would deem a person mean, but those rules have me dubbed as mean, and not as a disciplinarian.
Reasonable, actually great rules!
mean? not at all. you're only trying to keep an orderly household. your rules are very good, reasonable ones! just remember, from her jealousy and tendency to be ego-driven, she will be constantly searching for things to make you a bad person, especially to the skids! just another thing to help her feel better about her own insecurities. don't sweat it at all! the skids will see, especially if you explain to them in a nice way why those rules are in place. does your hubby support you in your rules?
i hear you on the whole bm not being able to hold down a job thing! just a while ago i was sharing with my husband the concern i have with him spending too much money on things she should be paying for. he pays support weekly, because otherwise, she would have the check spent all at once! anyhow, he also buys all sd's clothing as well as other things she needs! makes me mad, because bm will never learn responsiblity and will always hold this pattern in her life, just because she can. see, she also has a child with another man and he pays support as well as all her vehicle payments and other things! man, what a life. i joke and tell my friends all you have to do is have a couple kids and you'll be taken care of the rest of your life! that is, if you are selfish enough to be like that! SELFISHNESS AND IMMATURITY! YES, THAT'S IT! the two things our hubbys' bm's have mastered. sorry, but i have no respect for these kind of people!
hanginginthere
don't get to upset
this is also a special time for him as well and he's only try to help and he loves his kids and having another one is bringing back feelings he had when his other kids were born I guarantee it has nothing to to with BM asn him it just all about reminiscing about his other kids. Ifhe wants to remnisce let him just ask him to leave out BM.
Oh good. Tell him Thank
Oh good. Tell him Thank you!!
As the weekend gets closer, I find myself getting more and more edgy.. I am expecting the worse, yet her worse is probably something that even MY imagination cant measure up to. I am sure her new dh will be happy for us (when she isnt around)..
Special TIme
This is a very special time for you and DONT let anyone ruin it ,
Im sure your stepchildren will be just as thrilled as you are. They are getting a new baby ..a brother or sister..how exciting is that, its such a special time
as for BM,,dont give her the pleasure or satisfaction of even giving her a second thought. This is not her baby..its yours and your husband, her thoughts and feelings mean nothing.
Its time for your husband to step it up and be a buffer, so BM doesnt upset you, its not healthy. Let him deal with her craziness.
Enjoy,,,worry what your going to eat next,,,enjoy the skids,
Just tell your H. "that was then....this is now"
That is a good point. I
That is a good point. I already do not go near her during the drop offs/pick ups (when I do go) I sit in the car w/the doors locked.. (due to her assualting me almost 3 yrs ago).. I also do not converse w/her, for the same reasons.. Its just that OCCASSIONALLY she finds a way of sucking me down to her level.. Like shouting through the phone w/him so that I can hear the digs and there by get sucked in.
I do think that I have the perfect comment for her should she try and suck me in.. its something that she said to me after mother's day....
She is NOTHING a NOBODY to MY family. She is nothing to OUR child together.. a zip a zero a nothing nobody.
(those were her words about me!! wonder if she would like to hear them back!)
Congratulations! I hope it
Congratulations! I hope it helps DH grow a backbone too, and not just stick up for himself to BM, but also stick up for his rights as a father with his kids with her. If she chooses to be a b**ch and tell the kids things like "daddy doesn't need you or love you anymore," I think you and your DH should just let her have it. How dare anyone say that to their children. I had a miscarriage with DH, but when BM found out we were expecting, she said things like that to the SDs and DH DID confront her about it. I almost did too. I typed up a draft email that I SO WANTED to send her telling her off, boy did it feel good! I told her I hate her for what she does to her kids and DH and that she's a pathetic excuse of a mother. I told her to f**k off and stop being a high school b**ch to me and DH and to stop making up bulls**t to tell the SDs about DH and to stop putting her kids through such s**t. I didn't send it and for a long time I wish I had. DH didn't have any say in the conception of the SDs and he got that chance with me. But he loves his daughters so much, he wouldn't trade them for anything. I used to feel like I would trade them for anything in a heartbeat, just to get them out of my life. But over time, I've come to really enjoy them. I think that's what it takes...time.
wow has it really been so long???
probably seems that way to you frustrated, but it seems like yesterday I heard your happy news!! I sincerely hope it all goes well, but stick to your guns if she starts pulling crap. It is none of BM's business. Let her deal exclusively with H about this, all you need to know from him is "yes, she called, she's upset, it's handled, don't worry, I love you." End of discussion!!!! Do not stress, enjoy this wonderful time and a new level of happiness with your growing family!!!
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
frustrated
Happy New Year!! Even though it isn't your DH's "first" experience you can still make it special. My H never went to any doctor visits with BM so the couple of "big" appointments( hearing the heartbeat, ultrasounds, finding out the sex) he did go with and I've never seen him happier. He was on cloud nine. We also took a lamaze class that he didn't do with BM either. It was something that we were able to do together as new parents. We had a fun time going and I got some great back rubs out of it. It didn't end up helping considering I had an emergency c-section, but well worth the bonding experience. Even if DH has done those things with BM I'm sure there is something that he didn't get to do that will be a first with you. Look at it this way, my DH was great at changing diapers so that was his duty on many occasions.
As far as the reminiscing, I cut that off right from the getgo. I told H that I didn't care to know how BM was during her pregnancy at all so don't mention it. He never brought it up again unless I asked a question which was maybe once or twice. Whenever something came along that he hadn't done with BM he did bring it up saying that he was glad that he got to do it with me. That was enough validation for me.
I really cant wait to meet
I really cant wait to meet him. I also cant wait til when he is moving that DH can feel him move. Right now its just me! lol.. I feel bad... he desperately wants to feel the baby move.
Time is just flying by. Seems like just the other day we found out.. and that was Aug 29th.. Hello.. 5 mths have flown by! Before you know it.. he will be making his grand debut!
I signed us up for the parenting class on Valentine's Day. That way the weekend is ours, and what is more romantic then taking a birthing class together and bonding during that period?!?!?! Dont worry, a romantic dinner will be occuring after that. Just have to make a ressie!
aw see!
that is so sweet! i really cant wait to experience this all and especially to be able to give it to DH...he never did any of that stuff like drs appts, shopping, etc for any of the kids so though hes been thru having kids before, and it will FEEL different, he still will be experiencing this sweet stuff for the first time w me...
so very happy for u...really i am just over the moon for u. makes me smile
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Although I cannot have
children anymore, BM would be the same way if I could. She is constantly in our business, likes to still call and remind H its their anniversay, likes to call H at Christmas to wish him a good one, likes to call H on his birthday.. and HERS... it gets old. I could only imagine if I had one of his kids, HOLY FREAK OUT!! She already likes to tell me that "she has that on top of me..cause she has his kids and I dont", hahahaha, I can only imagine the insanity that would take place if I were able to be pregnant. But im not terrified of her, she would be asleep on the concrete and teeth scattered about if she thought she was going to ruin it for me. I know.. violence is not the answer, but it sure can get a point across sometimes;) Anyway, how about some real advice.. when she hears it and loses her shit and decides to throw a tantrum over the phone, just keep laughing in the background, as if what she is saying is making her look like a fool. Cause it is.
Or you could, like everyone else said, just ignore it. For me, personally, that is hard to do. Im more of an aggressive type so im trying real hard to muster up some sort of realistic advice. hahahahahahhaa.. guess all I can say is probably take everyone else's advice, im just not good at it.
Good luck, and I wish you a happy pregnancy.
Wtf?
Why in the world would she still call your H for their anniversary?
That's just pathetic.
Because
she is as pathetic as they come. I could go on and on about the things she has done and still continues to do... 4 years later. It used to bug me to no end, but she isnt worth my stress. She obviously has no idea how stupid she looks and apparently even when she is told how ridiculous she is she still doesnt care. If you only knew the little gems I hear from time to time.
The funniest she has done to date would be this one. She calls the other day and wants to talk to Skds dad.. her question was "our daughter wants to know what the pink thing in her wee-wee is....what do i tell her". NO JOKE. H was embarrassed and had no answer.. he had no idea what to say to that.
Shes a peach
I wish I were better at helping everyone, im just no good at all with advice. I dont even know what the heck I can do for myself. Im sorry yall... im trying hard to come up with good ideas. I read everything, and if I dont comment its because I dont have a clue what to say. But im reading.. and i just want to hug each and everyone of you!!
LOL!! teeth scattered.. in
LOL!! teeth scattered.. in my dreams!!
You all wont believe this, but I had a dream that she was plotting to kill me.. I told dh, I am sure he thinks I am crazy.. but it was so realistic.
I think laughing in the background.. or even just throwing back out.. the I dont care what she is saying.. she is a nobody speech would go over well. I feel bad for her dh, I think he will have to listen to it after my dh tells her to bad so sad!
Could you imagine??? I cant
Could you imagine??? I cant imagine bm calling on their old anniversary.. good lord!! but being a man, does your dh forget when it was to begin with? I would get a cake for those anniversaries, as a THANK GOD YOUR NOT STILL MARRIED TO HER cake. lol Then you can be the one eating cake.
Perhaps you should call her to reminisce on the day that their divorce was final!!! that would be a RIOT!
LMAAAOOO
That is a great idea!!!! Im gonna do that!! HAPPY DIVORCE DAY, FREAK!!!!
I know, I couldnt even imagine calling my EH and saying those things. What a clown I would look like. And keep in mind, she left HIM, she cheated on HIM... but doesnt want to let go. She faked a pregnancy during her second affair because the guy wouldnt have anything to do with her. She sent him a friend of hers' sonogram claiming it to be their love child and a lamb that freakishly would say "i love you daddy" when you pulled the string. The woman cant have kids anymore. Oh her good life, that was the garbage man, btw. Affair numero uno was with H's best friend, number two was the garbage man.. and the third, the one who actually accepted her after a few months of stalking is...well i dont know. He doesnt do anything.
You kind of get an idea of what kind of weirdo she really is. I just dont think she is worth all of the stress she used to be able to unload on me.
u gals are cracking me up!
celebrate their demise!! too funny!
just like melis posted from truedadconfessions that every time the guy sees his ex all those little things she does that used to drive him crazy now make him ELATED he doesnt have to deal w it or her anymore! loL!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Its nice
to be able to crack up now and then, right? I think we could all use that at some point. And why not celebrate the demise while she oddly celebrates an anniversary that doesnt exist anymore?? LOL. I can be just as crazy as her, although she doesnt realize her craziness, mine would be for fun!! Even the thought helps me!!!
oh and frustrated...
i DID tell Dh and he laughed and said he was glad he made SOMEONE's day today...yeah, a littel jab at me since we were fighting. but then he did say "its really honestly how i feel" so that made up for it!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Oh too funny.. but I bet
Oh too funny.. but I bet him saying that's honestly how he feels will make the fighting go away that much quicker!!
Trust me...he is reliving
Trust me...he is reliving some of the experiences and memories of having kids but each one is different and I think that now that he is older and in love that he is savoring every moment of this pregnancy...a reminder that he had no changing pad doesn't mean anything...he is probably nervous and trying to remember stuff(every kid you panic and are not sure if you know what to do). i think as men get older they appreciate children and babies more...he was probably not as involved in first two. Now he knows to "try and remember" each and every moment because you forget so much. Don't read too much into it. Each and every time it is a miracle and you can't imagine ever feeling or loving a baby as much...
This got me thinking: I
This got me thinking: I really have no idea how BM felt when I got pregnant with my now 9 month old son. We don't interract often. One time, when she was in an argument with my DH about SS8, she said something like,"You will have your own child living with you all the time, so what do you need SS8 for anymore?" or something really stupid like that. So I know it must have tripped her out when I was knocked up.
I reallllllllllllllllllly hated the "not his first" business, and let me tell you, he was always saying "well when BM was preggo with SS...." And just wait til the kid is here!! Lots and lots of "Well when SS was a baby, BM did this or that" Luckily, BM was a pretty shitty mom, so I don't have stiff competition. But if she was remotely competent, I would be one angry Mama! I really like what Bella's hubby said. Ahhhh if only my DH could be that sweet.
hey LH
i hav ethe advantage of having a DH who planned none of his kids and was literally LIED to and tricked into having the last. so having babies was NEVER a pleasant experince for him. sad for him, but good for me! HE is truly the one who sees everything w us so differently, while I am the one who constantly wonders and compares...i know how lucky i am that despite his past, he feels that OUR future will be a whole new and better experience.
i cant wait to tell him that all the girlies on here think hes so sweet and are wishing their DHs were more like him!!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
HA.. I wouldnt say that she
HA.. I wouldnt say that she is overly competent.. They are still alive though.. have to give her some credit. Seriously.. she is very different from me. Very survival of the fittest, wishes she was a bohemian type thing.. wants a farmers life in nonrural area.. She is bizarre at best.
I know he didnt mean anything by it, it just still upset me the same though. If I knew that he meant something by it, I would have called him on it. The fact that I think he was just talking w/o thinking, I didnt call him on it.