If they would make it fair for both sides, then I could see the point. But BF paid BM $500 a month when she had custody, now she only has to pay him $80! And she can't even pay that!! She is probably making as much as BF, so why does she not have to pay the same amount he was paying? The whole thing is unfair and the men (and their significant others) usually get short end of the stick! I hate my BM too today if you couldn't tell!!

honestly. the most ridiculous thing ever, w the way it is done. maybe if they didnt financially RAPE the NCPs and leave the "new" families so strapped for cash. my DH couldnt afford the mortgage for him and his son w/o me but no one cares about that. the way they dont hold the CPs accountabel for where the money goes, nor hold them to a certain income standard...the way alot of BMs use the money on themselves and let the skids whine and cry and beg daddy for more money...the way that OUR kids have to suffer for it all...disgusting.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

I feel sorry for him!

My BM is the exact same way!

She gets $750 a month from CS... and she is constantly asking for money. Like, on a daily basis. 95% of the time, DH coughs up the cash cause if he doesn't, BM will most likely hold SD8 hostage. She shouldn't NEED money on the side all the time because she makes a lot of money (she works in a law firm but she's not smart enough to be a lawyer) AND she gets CS. But she's always buying new, expensive things for herself. Never for SD8. But her. I've never seen anyone so selfish before!

Sometimes I wish BM would just disappear so that DH and I can live peacefully... but then if that happened, we would have to take SD8 in... and I DON'T want to do that.

So I see a lot of different numbers these poster are complaining about. I'm sure there will be some out there that criticize me for what I'm about to share, but put yourself in my shoes. In 07 I met up with BM, I was making a very good living, upon the first speaking with her about my plans for my future I had told her that 1.) no marriage nothing against her just not for me I get fucked over a lot, ( as you're about to see) 2.) no children as I wasn't quite ready yet considering my lifestyle and work schedule. She was fine with that, we always doubled up on protection while intimate (rubber/pill), or so I thought. Month 3 into our relationship she tells me guess what you're gunna be a daddy, well great ill admit with my shock there was a great deal of excitement. Until the floor fell out of the global economy and I lost my job, the second this happened she became very spiteful and ignorant, I drew unemployment, had savings but it wasn't enough. Her attitude had been getting worse and worse. My daughter was born I was the happiest dad in the world, can't say BM was she just shut down to the world. I made a career change in 09 that started to get me back on my feet, BM and I were just falling apart, so we had a talk and I offered her and my daughter the house until we could find something close for them. I offered first month rent and damage deposit with a civil agreement of 700 a month CS. After 3 months of her being on my house still I had it with the fighting and sleeping on the couch in my own house while I was home from work. So I Told her to leave. She took my daughter 4.5 hours worth if driving away, and took me to court, I have told all of you that I was getting back on my feet, not rich.. So we go to court I couldn't afford a lawyer, boy was that a mistake, I walked out not only behind 5 months in CS (even tho I had proof I had paid according to the civil agreement) but my payments were 90% of child care, 100% medical, and 1200 bucks a month.. Where is the fairness in that, for those of you with children in child care you know after all the extra expenses I was ordered to pay my monthly payment is around the 2000 a month for one kid, now I know you're all thinking well damn he must make like 120,000 a year ... Oh no if I were I wouldn't be bitching, I make less then 60,000 a year, my mortgage is 1400 a month, my bills, my fuel ect how do I do it you may ask? I haven't been and can't make the payments, can't afford the legal bills, can't make it the 4.5 hours to get my daughter, constantly having my natural gas shut off because I have to shuffle bills so much. It gets to a point where I'm a man stuck between a rock and a hard place, I am a class 3 driver and need my license for work. Well if I can't work I can't pay if I can't pay I can't work if I can't work I can't pay I can't pay I go to jail I go to jail I can't pay to live I can't pay to live I die.... The bitch wins......

Child Support is evil. My ex left me (for no just cause) and took my two kids 4 hours away. We went through arbitration, they decided she should live near by or I would get custody. She challenged the arbitration. The courts (illegally) overturned the arbitration and allowed her to move, but kept parts of the arbitration award that were not 'children's issues' completely ignoring the arbiters attempts to balance things out. Now I pay $2250 per month in support payments, almost 50% of my income.

The reality is there is not much clear-thinking with respect to the nature of child support. Everyone assumes the money is 'for the child' and that it is some kind of 'natural' order of things. Anyone arguing against child support is slandered. That is why I decided to write a blog post that clearly shows that child support is 100% backwards, devalues children, and all-around wrong. We need more people to learn how to effectively argue against the very concept of involuntary transfer payments between parents.

abc20 and lucid...as a BM and a SM I understand your issue and it seems the system is stacked against the ncp. While you cannot put a dollar amount on raising a child I too see how you have these NCPs living this way, while CP is refusing to work, refusing to try to do better, while always holding a hand out to ask for or demand more money and get it. There is no way, unless there is school tuition or medical bills that are that costly that one child can use $2k a month. I'm sorry but it pisses me off every time we have to send that money off. That is on top of the $5K the BM is getting to maintain her lifestyle.

It seems the courts in our state do not take into consideration the NCP needs to live, too. He/she has a mortgage or rent, has to eat, has utilities, has drycleaning, needs clothes, and insurance etc yet they will order these people to pay more than they can realistically afford. The mediator in DHs case at one time actually suggested (his words) he cut his dry cleaning bill to $20 a month and give the other $50 he'd spend to her. Really?!? WTF? WHY and how low will they go?

I am in no way saying a NCP should not share in the responsibility, but where is the logic and reason? What can a teenager possibly do and need that will cost $2K a month? Lunch, clothes, outings, hair appts., entertainment, insurance (already paid for by NCP), groceries, utilities and a roof over the head. That does not come out to that amount and honestly why is the NCP responsible alone for keeping a roof over the child's head, does it not have another parent that is equally responsible?

When I was receiving CS for my kids it went to them, it bought food, clothes, paid for sports and they were able to go out and do fun things. I specifically did not ask for more than was necessary because I am no gold digger, I work everyday, I supply insurance, I buy food, clothes, etc. too so I was not trying to break their dad, I only wanted him to provide for the kids not me...the kids. I can take care of myself!

There is one and only one reason why I tolerate my new wife attempting to collect the meager $250 / month in child support from her ex and that is because he stole $30,000 from her in a 'legal' yet immoral way (taking unauthorized advantage of power of attorney while she was incapacitated in the hospital). Expecting the NCP to pay for anything while the kids are in your custody is theft regardless of how much one 'needs' the money.

So while it makes no sense to judge yourself or others, I stand by my claim that your only obligation to support your children is while they are in your custody. In fact, I would suggest that upon realizing the theft you offer to return all of the child support money you received.

I just stumbled on this thread, but really wanted to post on it because I've been seriously frustrated the more that I learn about child support. My DH has 50/50 custody with a BM, who like all yours, often REFUSES to contribute financially towards anything. He pays $500/month since his income is so good.

I think it's really messed up that the child support calculator is based on anything other than the basic cost of raising a child. It's fine to say that DH makes more than BM and so should pay the right percentage, but I think it's really messed up that child support is set up to maintain households as if the parents never split.

NEWSFLASH: THEY DID SPLIT. BM shouldn't be able to eat out every night on DH's dollar.

Worse yet, I was just playing with the CS calculator and figured out that if DH and I had THREE children, they'd be considered at equal cost to the ONE CHILD that DH cares for 50% of the time. Such BS.