Good hearted women...and the becoming of something else
Thanksgiving here, Christmas coming. And we're all tied up in knots. We're taking meds for migraines, losing our hair, losing our minds. And crying inside.
We married our H's, moved in with our Bf's, with only the best loving intentions. I, as many of you, thought I could build a lovely home for H and myself, a refuge for H's d's, and still maintain the same home my son was always so glad to come to. In a nutshell, I wanted to provide the home for H & skids I provided my own children in my first marriage.
I knew there would be more work. I knew it would not be perfection, there would be ups and downs. But my heart was totally in it. I had a beautiful party for SD17's birthday, and planned to do as much for the skids as I did for my very own. Visions of Christmas together made me so happy. Now I'm determined to do absolutely nothing-not one effort, towards the skids.
Point-our H's, Bf's , could have had so much, so very much from each and everyone of us on here. Instead, they chose to dance to the tune of a demanding BM, treat us as outsiders and themselves and their children as the only valued family members, refuse to listen to any valid issues we have with being treated disrepectfully by their ex's or kids. It's just so sad.
Ultimately, the loss is our H's, Bf's, skids. But what is the cost to us? The price we pay is out of our very souls.
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I agree with Vic
but it took me a looooong time to get to that point.
I'm learning, girlfriend
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Everytime, every post, regarding successfully disengaging, what it entails, where it stops, how to obtain it, are the very things that I so need.
I like your "shrink's" imaging. Going to try that. H always said - prior to us marrying-that he admired my spirit and how I always stood up for myself. I now see it as him saying "I love to bait you, I love to fight, so I'm going to start one". He won't know what to do with a woman who won't raise to the bait.
I can handle life being merely tolerable-for now. At least until I acheive my new holy graile-the financial freedom!
Why
I've not posted in a while, but read every day... I just don't understand how you do it...why do you disengage, and stay. I see no reason to disengage, and stay. I know you love these guys, I love my BF too, and put up with a lot of crap. But we do not live together. My question is, if you can't be part of that particular part of his life...why stay? I will never live with my BF for that reason, I prefer to spend time with him, when he doesn't have the skids and when he does, live in my own house and enjoy my time and not have to worry about them.
Because right now I have no other choice
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Unlike you, in your wisdom not to marry your bg, I said yes when H proposed. I wanted someone to share my life with. And just spending the occassional weekend being together wasn't enough.
I won't go into the particulars here-done that already. But the marriage was a mistake. And until I can remedy that, until I can again be self-supporting, I must stay.
Which makes your decision to remain single so much wiser than the decision I made to marry.
Well, I do
understand your position bewitched. You are making plans to get out. And yea, I do understand about sharing your life with someone. I've been with my BF for 4+ years now...and I go through it a couple of times a year...asking myself if I'm happy with this situation...or do I want someone more permanent in my life. In fact, I'm facing a birthday soon, and am going through the questioning right now. And I'm sure of one thing, if I do decide I want someone in my life permanently, it will not be with someone who has children at home. I was married for 22 years with 5 steps sons, yea...been there...done that!
Hanny - no wonder you don't
Hanny - no wonder you don't want to get married or move in with your b/f. Good for you - I don't blame you one bit!!
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
I applaud your choice, Hanny
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
You're probably one of the happiest women on this site because of maintaining your freedom.