Ex-Wife wants to change the kids last name to her new husbands!!! Any advice for us??
I am engaged to my BF of 2 years. His ex-wife has been remarried for 2 years to a younger guy. We live 1000 miles from them(kids) and don't see them very much anymore. Due to his job.
The girls are now 8 and 6.
She already has the girls calling her new husband "Daddy" which makes us so uncomfortable and aggrevated. Months ago she called saying that her new husband would adopt them in a heart-beat. We were like "no way that is going to happen".
She does not even let the kids talk to his mom (their grandma) anymore. We have to call them. She has never made them call their dad. She did not even make them send him a Fathers Day card. It is so sad!!!
Here is our issue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She called late the other night saying that she was sending up paperwork about """""""""""hypenating"""""""""""the kids last name to her new husbands name.
My BF said ok send it and I will look at it.
He does not want to do it but is scared she may take him back to court for more money.
What is the purpose of changing their last name??? Why would she want to do that???
What should we do about it???
She is slowly pushing us out of their lives, however she still wants that CS paycheck from us everymonth.
We are so sad and confused on what's best to do for everyone.
Thanks
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What state are you in?
Here in Washington you cannot change a child's name without the consent of BOTH parents or legal guardians. It is my understanding that no matter the state she cannot change their names unless your DH agrees to it. Sounds like BM is crazy about trying to present a 'normal family' front. By having the girls refer to this new guy as "daddy" sounds like an attempt to replace their real daddy, it also sounds as if this BM is alienating the children from their dad. I'm sorry you're going through this but try to take a deep breath and don't let BM see that she is getting to you.... thats exactly what she wants so don't give it to her.
i doubt a judge would even
i doubt a judge would even grant that request. our BM tried the same thing although not hyphenating, she wanted her maiden name! look over the paperwork and speak w/your attn, but like i said it's highly unlikely that a judge would grant that w/out your BF permission. good luck
what is wrong w/some of these women?
If DH doesn't sign the paperwork
than she is out of luck - both parents have to agree. BM tried something similar, she's got 4 kids with 4 different guys and she was trying to get all their dads to ok having their last names changed to her maiden name. I think she thought it would make her look less like a slut if it seemed they all had the same last name.
Not unless Dad agrees!
She can't do it and the fact that she would even broach the topic may be fodder for Bio-Dad going for full custody.
What a dip shit she is. This is nothing more an a continuing effort to alienate the kids from their Dad and half of their extended family. IMHO
That said, when my SS turns 18 I will offer to adopt him. The last thing I have left to give him is my name. Everything else he has access to the benefits of because he is my son.
I would in no way agree to have another man adopt my children or to hyphenate their last name with that of another man. If my wife wanted to hyphenate her maiden name and my last name for the last names of our children I might consider it. Fortunately my wife's maiden name was not one she was comfortable keeping. She was teased about it throughout her childhood.
Just my thoughts of course.
Good luck and best regards,
I'd tell her no way in hell.
I'd tell her no way in hell. Unless she no longer wants CS. She cant have her cake and eat it to.
What a jerk she is for even suggesting this.
BTW, my skids call their stepdad Dad.. and they only live a little over an hour away. Doesnt sit well w/me.
Your BF needs to STOP BEING SCARED
of her. He needs to "man up," stand up to her, and say "NO- I will not be bullied by you any longer."
And he needs to see a lawyer about this. She cannot threaten to sue him for more CS because she doesn't get her way on this one- that's simply a crock and your BF should not be intimidated by her idle threats.
Let her send the papers. Let her send a mountain-load of them. But for his own sake, he shouldn't sign a SINGLE ONE!
As Frustrated said, she can't have her cake and eat it, too. If your BF wants to sign his name, his rights to his children away, then that's one thing, but then he should be prepared for that.
How about this: Tell that nasty BM, "Fine you want your new MR. WONDERFUL to be the kids new dad? Then he can be finanically responsible for them, too. I'll sign those NAME CHANGING papers, only along with the END OF CHILD SUPPORT papers."
That'll shut her a$$ up real quick!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
in mn
i'm pretty sure you need BOTH parents permission to change names. also I never heard of child support dropped just because of a "name change" if he (step dad) would legally adopt them, then I believe CS can be termanated, but changing names????????? I don't know.
my SS ASKED once (right after she got married) if he could change his name to his step dads, my husband said ABSOLUTLY NOT and that was the last we heard of THAT subject,(almost 2 years ago)call a lawyer, or county atourney before you sign anything.
DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING
until he's had an attorney look at the papers.
You need to have both parents' permission I believe. That's just common sense.
In my divorce decree, there is a statement that says that the kids cannot change their last
name period even if I remarry. I'm totally okay with that. He will always be their father and why would I want to confuse our kids anymore than absolutely necessary? She needs to get over herself as well as a good slap.
I also agree that if the new step-father wants to adopt, he can adopt financial responsibility as well. No more cake for the bm! That's ballsy of her to even suggest it. No way.
Just my two cents....
MJ24
Our BM
went on a tear with this same thing a couple of years ago....the skids were calling "him" dad, and when we went to some of SS baseball games, BM was cheering for SS, using her H last name! What a dumba@@ she is. As far as the skids ever changing their last name to her H, it would have to be ok with their dad....and it was never ok with him. He was pissed that his own son would even call her H "dad"..... (in their d-decree it says that they are not supposed to do that, but in court, nothing was ever done about it) ..and now BM and "him" are divorced, and he is looooong gone. Good thing they don't have "his" name, huh."~waiting on the world to change~"
Really?
So, what the majority of you folks are saying is that *if* he were to allow for a name change, he should get to give up child support?
Pretty much the only two things he can consistently give to his children are financial support and his name, considering the physical distance between them.
I can understand that he doesn't exactly have to be friends with the children's mother, but saying "if you take this link to my kids away from me, then I'm taking this other link to them away" doesn't seem to be the right approach. If the mom seems like she's forcing him out of the kids' lives, that doesn't seem like it would help.
I look forward to a more diplomatic, less this-is-the-internet solution.
I think the point of the majority is that if BM wants to change
the kids last name to her new husbands that the financial responsibility should go with it. Most of the posts seemed to me to be resounding on the point that she can't do it without BioDads permission and is an idiot for even having the idea.
In our case I will adopt my SS when he turns 18. I won't be our name on his high school diploma but it will sure as hell be our name on his college diploma which his mom and I will pay for since his sire does not have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of or the personal drive to even try. My son (SS) has already indicated that he would like for me to adopt him but after he has reached an age where he will not have to ask his BioDad's permission. He does not respect BD but he does not want t hurt his feeling either. He really is a great kid.
About the only non negative thing I can say about my SS's spermdonor is that he does pay CS, though only because of court ordered payroll withholding. Prior to court ordered payroll withholding his mommy paid his CS for him. My son has traveled three times per year for visitation since before he turned two. His "father" rarely spends more than a few hours with him a week when my son is visiting. He gets shuffled to GrandMa's and then the GreatGrandParents and even family friends.
Bio dads and bio moms are obviously important in the life of a child. More important are parents (regardless of the prefix) that love the child and put the child's needs above their own.
Just my thoughts of course.
Best regards,
You TOTALLY missed the mark!
I think what the posters on here were trying to say (me included) was that maybe what the BF needed to say to his ex was something more like this...
"If you would like to change MY GIRLS' last names to the name of this NEW MAN in your life because you are trying to erase me from their lives, then by all means, go ahead. After all, you already are trying to REPLACE ME AS THEIR FATHER with this new man by having them call him DADDY (not cool). So if that is your plan, then this NEW MAN can then assume the full FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY for them as well."
Dollars to donughts, she will back right down. And why? Becuase with money-grubbing whores like this, money is all they care about! Not the welfare of their children.
She wants it all- CS from the birth father, but wiping him out of his daughters' life. And that is WAY out of line.
This woman is obvious in full-out PAS mode and doesn't deserve to be treated in a diplomatic manner. Anyone who would stoop to emotionally abusing their children in this manner does not deserve the "diplomatic" approach in my book. She lost her "rights" to a fair fight when she started having her daughters call this "new man" DADDY. That title is reserved for one man alone- the original poster's BF.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis