A coworkers statement!
So, I had just told a coworker that I was pregnant (literally just now at lunch) and she asked where the new baby would be sleeping. I explained that the skids were going to share a room, and the baby would get the other. She knows the skids are a boy and a girl. Here is how the convo went
Coworker: how old are the skids again?
me: they will be 10
coworker: Well you cant put them in the same room then
me: yes I can, state of MA said they are guests in my home since they live elsewhere and are only over 24 nights a year, and to treat them as I would ANY guest.
coworker: Well once one of them starts growing hair in places they cant be in the same room.
Me: I think that they would know boundaries, besides we do not allow them to close the bedroom doors when they are over, so that we can supervise them better.
Coworker: YOU REALLY DONT LIKE THOSE KIDS DO YOU! (note, more of a statment than a question)
ME: YES I DO. I can not afford a bigger house, and will not be putting an infant w/two children that have been known to abuse their current little sister who just turned 4. (then went on to explain that child's mysterious injuries.. black eye, split lip, and all excuses sound like that of a battered house wife, not to mention we found out those two by accident, imagine what we DONT know about.
coworker: I am just saying, SHE might give you problems.
Me: Please, she is going to give me problems either way.
coworker: Dont you have a pull out couch?
me: Yes, but I am sure that wouldnt go over well either.
Now.. I should mention that this is a woman that has 2 children and is divorced. her children currently are full grown, but were young when she divorced.
Is it my hormones or do I have a right to be pissed? Does making children that sleep over 24 nights a year share a room if they are the opposite sex mean that I do not like them?!!?!
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There is no chance in that
There is no chance in that happening w/this coworker.. LOL..
No you have every right to
No you have every right to be steamed over the comments. I just found out that as long as you are not in government housing or getting assitance for housing kids of any age and sex can share a room. And that it is perfectly fine for a 9 year old boy to share a bed with his mother, of course as long as nothing inappropriate is going on. When my H's SD comes over she shares a room with her brother, even though we have an extra room with the computers in it. She doesn't come over often so why does she need her own room. It doesn't mean we don't like her but it is wasteful.
of course youre being hormonal
dont u know that we are all evil stepmothers who despise our children? and those children deserve, no are ENTITLED to, two of everything, even bedrooms that they only sleep in less than one month a year??? u should buy a bigger house, even if it means the whole family, including new babies have to suffer or be put in a potential dangerous situation, all for the sake of the other kids. they were there first anyway. how dare u think of YOUR babies and not the skids!!!!!!!!!
(insert tongue in cheek)
sorry...im having a bad day today!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
The only requirement as far
The only requirement as far as sleeping is concerned, by law, is that a child have their own bed, and that is ONLY if they live with you! If you have them less than 30% then they can sleep on the floor or couch with 1 pillow & 1 blanket. Those are the laws in my state. No way would I put a baby in with older kids, they'd never get any sleep! You're doing the right thing.
Why on earth
do you care what this person thinks? Is it any of this co-worker's business anyway? Are you close enough to this person that they should be commenting on it like he/she is? Does this person live with you?
This is your business. Not theirs.
I'm sorry if I'm coming off as pissed off or irritated, but it bugs the crap out of me when people offer unsolicited comments like this. It's like when you're pregnant, random people feel that it's okay to come up to you and pat/touch your belly and ask "when are you due?" Um...excuse me, do I even know you? Get your paws off my belly! Maybe this example is not quite the same thing, but really!
MJ24
Most men are like martinis: dry, very cold and they think they are fabulous because of the two olives dangling down at the bottom of their swizzle stick...Anonymous
Don't you love unhelpful advice/butting in?
Boy oh boy. First of all, you don't have to justify your decision to anyone. When she started disagreeing with me about sleeping arrangements, I would have just changed the subject. Unless I was pregnant and hormonal, in which case I might have snapped her head off or offered to send the stepkids to live with her if she thought she could do a better job.
She's waaaay out of line
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
So what is her insightful, full of wisdom solution? The child who lives there (your baby) gets put in a closet so your visiting skids get their own rooms on the occassions that they spend the night? She's out of line.
I would feel the same
way. 24 nights a year doesn't warrent buying a new house.
I would keep a close eye on them girlfriend regarding what goes on with their sister at BM's.
Think about the Mong community. They pack much larger families in the same size houses we all do & they seem to do just fine. When I sold my house a nice Mong family bought it & they have a lot more people living there than I would have imagined. ( they keep the place up just a nicely as I did as well) Sometimes I think as a culture we are spoiled and maybe that is why we are in such a financial mess.
OMG.. you ladies crack me
OMG.. you ladies crack me up. She is a coworker that I normally have been close too. I dont think there will be much socializing after that.
I too think its wasteful when the skids arent in their rooms for the MAJORITY of the year, but have had the rooms to spare, and let them have them. I think in retrospect, I should have had them bunking in bunk beds in the same room all along. I should have thought further out and realized I would want my baby in its own room.
I think if this BM had this reaction and its not HER kids, imagine what my skids psycho bm's reaction is going to be. I have been researching this religiously on line since I got back.
Everything I am seeing supports our decision to move them into 1 room. We will be providing them w/bunk beds...
As for the belly rubbing, its not noticable yet.. but read that you should RUB THEIR TUMMIES BACK and see what kind of a response you get then. LOL
I plan on NEVER letting my
I plan on NEVER letting my baby out of my sight. DH also knows how I feel about the things that go on at the BM's and that my baby better NEVER have so much as a bruise on him/her when the skids are around.. or heads will roll.
I have actually seen them push her.. this was when the skids were 7 and the baby was 2. I was the one that said something to them.. I am sure BM didnt appreciate that, but as an adult, I could not stand by and watch that going on. Also grabbing stuff out of the baby's hands that they wanted.. (again, I have not seen them interact w/her much in the past 2 yrs, its just what I have seen, 3.5 yr old w/a shiner, and hearing about the split lip...) As most of you, I am not welcome in the bm's home or on her property.
Sweetthing, I do think that we as a culture are spoilt. Back when the country was young, families crammed into a house that had a loft and and open space... and they had MANY children (think Little House on the Prarie)
I realize this is tangential, but...
My great grandparents were Norwegian, both from large families in Norway. My mother has seen the houses where they grew up, and it was 14 (my great grandmother's family) and 13 (great grandfather's) kids in a two-bedroom house. Bet nobody thought it was a problem for them to share rooms, as they had no other choice. And neither do you! You have a three-bedroom house, somebody HAS to share a room, why should it be the kid who lives there full time?
(I must admit I gave up on this argument and we bought a four-bedroom house. Now I wish I'd stuck with the three-bedroom, as SD15 now lives with BM and we have an empty room.)
Elizabeth, luckily my dh saw
Elizabeth, luckily my dh saw that I was making sense and KNOWS we can not afford a bigger house. He too realizes how little the skids are there. I know your situation was completely different as she was living w/you.
I know that if the skids were the same sex the bm wouldnt have a problem w/it.. but am anticipating a problem because they are not the same.
I have read up on line, lots of stuff on how you need to provide a space to sleep, but that does not require a room. That its ok if opposite sex children share a room as long as they are BIO related, and its not their permenant home or a 50/50 situation.
It just skeeved me too thinking this woman thought my skids would start experimenting w/EACH OTHER. HELLO, the door will NOT be closed. they are in our house most weekends they visit for LESS than 24 hrs and that INCLUDES the sleeping time.
I've heard that one too...
If they rub your tummy and ask "when are you due" you reply with a belly rub and say "when are you due?" Shuts em' right up. Especially if they're not pregnant to begin with. I'm not above admitting that it's kind of mean, but again, it's none of her business anyway. That's why I'll never "assume" that someone is pregnant if they have a big belly. I've had four kids and to this day, I still look like I might be a few months along with child. I hate it, but for now I have to hope that stomach crunches and healthy eating are going to make it shrink. Yeah, right.
I've stuck my whole leg in my mouth too many times so I just keep my trap shut until I know for damn 100% sure that the woman in question is indeed baking a bun in her oven. Nuff said.
Maybe you could ask this co-worker if she can help you buy a bigger house? Just a thought.
MJ24
I would, but the rooms in my
I would, but the rooms in my house are extremely small. It was an old summer cottage, and is a total of 1400 sqft. That is ALL living space. I guess if she becomes mortified, she can sleep on the pull out couch. or change in the bathroom, which is where we tell them to change, so that we can keep track of dirty clothes.
HA.. I asked my MIL that
HA.. I asked my MIL that question when she told me I would need a bigger house if DH and I were to ever have kids of our own.
Some co-worker
Some co-worker! What happened to the congratulations, how are you feeling, when are you due that any normal co-worker or person would ask? I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't be socializing with them too much more either. I don't think Skids sharing a room is that big of a deal. Like you said, they aren't even there enough for it to even really matter. As long as they aren't changing in the same room I think it's ok. When they go on vacation I'm sure they don't get their own hotel rooms. It's the same thing. They are "visiting" 4 days a month. How does DH feel about them sharing a room?
At first he didnt like the
At first he didnt like the idea that they would be sharing. Then I asked where he thought OUR child should sleep.. then he thought about it.
He is ok w/the idea. He does realize that those rooms go unutilized the majority of the year. He sometimes walks into the rooms when they are not here and just looks around. That part makes me ill. Not sure why.. but it does.
To give you an idea of how
To give you an idea of how small the rooms are, you can not put 2 twins side by side and fit a nightstand in between. That would be w/both beds against the opposite walls, there would be a tiny very narrow path for them to get out of bed. Looked too crowded to me. The only way that room will work is to have a bunk bed against 1 wall for both kids to use, then there will be room for 2 dressers, a book shelf, and a toy chest.
When I say these rooms are TINY, I am not exaggerating. In the "Master Bedroom" there is enough room for our full size bed, a walk way on one side of about 2 ft, walk way at the end of the bed of about 1.5 ft, and then room for the dresser and amoire (which are crowded in) All the houses in my neighborhood have shoebox bedrooms.
The house was built in 1915, and apparently they didnt own much back then, nor did they want to heat big spaces!
Crayon, did he just come to
Crayon, did he just come to the realization that you two that actually live there need more space?!
Yes, I am familiar w/you
Yes, I am familiar w/you descriptions of his flip flop ways!
Not to be rude but
this co-worker of yours sounds like one bitter old bitch - you said she was divorced so she is probably like all the BM's we have been talking about that think they know best about everything. I just love getting unwanted advice from stupid people. Make sure to eat lunch at your desk!
Yes, I will not be hanging
Yes, I will not be hanging out w/this individual for sure!