More nonsense
Does this bull%$@# ever end? Thursday night DH asks me if BD21 would like SD17's used car that we were pushed into buying the minute she became eligible to take driver's ed. I asked him why and he told me he didn't really want to go into the details but SD17 had AGAIN violated the conditions for driving the car. When she returned to her BM in January she immediately acted up and moved in with her boyfriend. So BM took away the 2001 Ford Escort and told us what a rotten child she was.
Two weeks later she gave her back the car "because she needed it to get back and forth to school". I suggested 3 different ways for transportation- city bus, school bus or boyfriend could drive her. Of course, BM being the extremely inconsistant parent who always gives in gave her the car back and has found out SD17 is skipping school again. So BM wants to sell the car which we paid for. DH was thinking that BD21 who will graduate from college in one week would like the car. She is driving a 1994 Pontiac Grand Prix that her uncle left to her when he died 7 years ago. BD21 goes to college down south and has a job at the university after graduation. It is hot down south and the air conditioning has never worked. So DH suggested we take the car and have it painted, get it tuned up and give it to BD21. If SD17 eventually behaves we will give her BD21's car to drive.
At first I liked the idea but now DH is hedging about getting the car back. We paid for it and SD17 isn't being allowed to drive it. DH has told BM that if he takes the car then he isn't giving it back or giving money for another car. My worry is that BM will change her mind then not want the 1994 Pontiac and SD17 will become very angry about BD getting her car. I also don't like the idea of a business transaction with BM.
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Huh.
Since when do BM's get to decide what the other parent spends their money on?
♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
Car
Car is in BM's name. Originally, without DHs permission she bought the car then sent us a bill for it. SD was 14 at the time. In our state kids can take driver's education at 14 years, 9 months of age. Then they apply to get a permit and have to drive with an adult over 21 until age 16 when they can take a road test or a restricted license. BM had paid for SD20's car which she totalled at age 17 and bought her another car for $1000.00. SO I guess she figured that DH should pay for SD17's car. She threatened DH with an increase in child support if he didnot pay her for the car which cost about 3500. He paid her payments over a year.
As for BM telling us how to spend money she tries that all the time. My BD21 has a 3.9 GPA in college. She had a great sohomore year gettin a 4.0 both semesters and wanted to live alone in a studio apartment which cost more than the sorority house. Her dad and I split the cst with BD sharing some of the expenses. BM found out about it and raised holy hell saying that we were treating BD better than DH's kids. She pushed DH into paying SD20's rent when she started community college, he paid it for the first months and SD20 moved her boyfriend in wih her the first night. DH cut off the rent.
What about title?
Who holds the title? Is that also in BM's name, or is in DH's name? If it's in BM's name, you're screwed. If it's in DH's name, he can do whatever he wants with it. It's his car.
♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
Ownership
This is a good lesson for anyone with children who are now or are approaching driving age. Even if you buy a car specifically for them to use, don't ever make the mistake of telling them it is "their" car. Your name is on the title, you make the payment, you provide the insurance, you pay to have it licensed and registered, it is "your" car. They may borrow it, after asking and getting permission, of course, but it does not become "their" car until they are making the payments, providing the insurance, covering all maintenance costs, paying the cost to have it licensed/registered, paying the taxes on it and have it titled in their name. Then you don't have to worry about hurt feelings if they lose their privilege to drive it and another child benefits, instead. Don't ever tell them it's "their" car until they can assume full financial and legal responsibility for it.
If you disagree, then I'd urge you to talk to my mother, who is still paying out the ass because my stepfather agreed to get a car loan for my stepbrother, who has since stopped making the payments, doesn't pay the taxes, registration, etc. and has really put my parents up a creek. He's 35, by the way. Because it's "his" brand new SUV, he thinks they can't get rid of it. It may cause WWIII, but my mother is adamant that if he doesn't get current with everything within the next 60 days, she's selling it and stopping all payments. Sucks to be him, but hey, he's one of those "entitled" kids we all bitch about. Me? I drove a beat-up 1966 Volkswagen bus for years because that's all my $800 in savings would buy me.
♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
I agree
The car title and registration is in BM's name even though we paid for it. DH told her that she will sign it over to him and she has agreed to do so. All along I have urged DH to push BM with the driver responsibility issues of insurance, gas, privleges,etc. That is how I did it with BD21. She had to pay 1/3 of the insurance, all of the gas, maintenance, etc. until she turned 18. Then she paid for all of it and I switched the title. That gave me two years to "tweak" the responsibility with her. The skids on the other hand never had to learn that lesson because BM was always bailing them out. I am thinking that BD21 might be better off to trade in her car and use some of her graduation money from the grandparents as a down payment.
Does not
sound like a good idea at all!!! Sounds like something destined for failure. I would have NO part in it at all. If you want to get BD a new car, or help her with one, then I would. But NEVER, NEVER, NEVER enter into a business deal with the BM. Only meant for disaster!