It's all my fault (again) -- but it's the last time
So the irresponsible bitch SD24 was pulled over a couple of nights ago--she has been driving with a unregistered car, no insurance, and a suspended license. Of course she called DH in the middle of the night to come "rescue" her, and of course he did. Pronto!
But before he left the bedroom he made a point to yell (yes, yell) at me that SD24 getting pulled over is all my fault. His logic is that I was the one who took her off our family insurance when she moved out, and had I not done that, none of these unfortunate events would be happening to his precious adult brat.
Usually I do my best to ramp down the energy and keep the peace, but this time I wouldn't take that kind of illogical shit from him (I suppose it didn't help that I was woken from a deep sleep to hear all this).
I realy let him have it. I told him EXACTLY what I thought about his irresponsible adult brat. I then told him that if he truly thinks I am to blame for the stupid bitch's choice not to purchase insurance, register her car, renew her license, continue to drive and SPEED, then I wonder about his capacity to think clearly.
I finished by stating that I don't deserve this kind of treatment from the husband who is supposed to love and support me, that this is a deal-breaker for the marriage, and that he's on notice that I will seek legal help to initiate a divorce.
I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!!
The next morning I discovered that the SD18 who lives with us had tried to break into the locked cabinet in my closet while we were away for the weekend, jammed the lock, and used a crowbar to pry the door. When I brought this to DH's attention because I couldn't open the cabinet, he said he'd "take care of it" and that "we don't have proof that SD18 was the one who did this." HELLO???? She was the only one home over the weekend!! WTF???
I am so angry and disappointed and, yes, violated, that I can't see straight. Most of all I blame myself for getting into this second marriage with these five bottom-feeding adult stepbrats. I should have known better than to think that my DH could change his enabling ways, put limits on his own brats, and put his marriage first.
I was wrong, and it looks as if I'll be another two-time loser in the marriage game. At least I can leave with my dignity and sanity intact.
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Comments
That's exactly what I said to DH!
I'm glad you understand my DH's logic!
Yes, my evil stepmother powers made SD24 make those choices. I also cast a spell that made her drop out of college and run all her cards and student loans into collections while she partied and went on vacations.
Now it is my fault that she has court costs, and can't buy a car or anything else because of destroyed credit. I am purposely making her life TERRIBLE--just by breathing!
Wow, stepmothers have a lot of power ya' know?
Does she live with you?
Last I heard you guys kicked her out, so I'm not sure you even CAN insure her on your policy if she doesn't reside in your household. Is the car in DH's name? Because again, if his name is not on the title, it is not registered to him and the car is not parked at his home, then he has no insurable interest in the car and most companies wouldn't even insure it on his regular policy. There may be companies out there who would insure the vehicle under some kind of special policy, but generally speaking, I don't think you can insure another adult's vehicle, especially when you are not on the title/note, the adult doesn't reside with you and the vehicle is not regularly parked at your residence. Call your real estate agent and find out what is even legal in this case and then you can show it to your DH and, hopefully, open his eyes.
Your DH definitely reacted badly to this news and obviously his anger was grossly misplaced, but if not for this one horrible scene, would you still want to leave him? Can you give him the benefit of the doubt, being that he was awakened in the middle of the night to yet again bail out one of his problem children? Not making excuses for him, because he did react badly. But I think sometimes we're all guilty of reacting badly to a bad situation. If you can show him the error of his ways by getting proof from the insurance company that he can't legally insure the car on his policy, anyway, considering the circumstances, and he apologizes, can you two work this out?
♥ Georgia ♥
P.S. Just went back and re-read your blogs. Get the car back, park it at your house and disable it so that it is not driveable. Make the payments and keep it insured on your policy until you SELL IT. It's YOUR loan and DH has title, so technically, y'all could be liable for allowing an unlicensed driver drive your uninsured vehicle.
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
You're right
Georgia--You are right--DH is liable for the unregistered car because he was on the title. It's in our driveway now with the plates removed. Recently he tried to transfer title to SD24 because he knew his liability if she killed someone, but since she refused to purchase insurance and had a suspended license the state wouldn't transfer the vehicle. So he was stuck unless he sold it from under her, and we all know he'd never do that.
I'm sure DH will have to pay a fine for the vehicle to re-register it--I don't know exactly how these things work. More of our heard-earned money going to finance his irresponsible adult brats...will it every stop?
In the meatime he's SD24's personal driver now--taking her to and from work, and letting her borrow his car whenever she needs it. Once again he's shielding the bitch from the consequences of her own decisions. No wonder she's a retard. He'll probably go with her to court to hold her hand. It truly makes me sick.
WTF?!
After all this, he's letting her drive HIS car now on a suspended license?! I'm so sorry, Sarah. You need to have him tested for illegal substances, because he must be smokin' crack.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
OMG.. I am sorry to hear
OMG.. I am sorry to hear what happened.. SD24 and DH have no one to blame but themselves..
How long have you been married? Does he realize that you MEAN to leave him, or do you think he thinks your just threatening him??
That is just unacceptable.. I guess you need to get out before the sd24 and sd18 hold up a liquor store, and its your fault.. because you exist.
You are not a 2 time loser in the marriage game.. Its sounds like the men were the losers.. not you. Bad things happen to good people.
Info
We've been together 8 years, married and living together for two. We thought that we'd wait until his kids were older and most were on their own before getting married--thinking that would make things easier.
Boy, were we ever wrong.
DH knows that I don't threaten--I follow through on what I say. I am now checking out apartments in the area and starting the separation of accounts, etc. I want all my bases covered before serving him with papers. I've been through all this once before...
you are not the loser
he is.
please dont think of yourself that way....
they lose YOU WIN!!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
it's posts like this...
that make my hair stand on end and cause me to lose sleep about what i'm getting myself into when our SS12 moves in with us this fall. dear GOD please give me the strength to deal with this shit if it's dished out my way in the next few years. f*ck.
Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.
Buy a safe
Moody--Buy a safe. I have one for all my jewelry and personal papers, but alas, it's not big enough for all the other things SD18 steals such as liquor, maxi pads (never around when I need them), loose change, and razors. That's what was in the locked cabinet in my closet.
Boy, I am cranky today!!
How
How can you call yourself a loser in the marriage game? You are a winner because you know what the problem is and you are taking care of it.
I know it sounds strange...
...but I'd buy a big box of maxi's, put them in the bathroom cabinet, and when I need one, they're ALL GONE because SD18 took the entire box. After having this happen to me over and over again for a year, I finally left them in my bedroom drawer. They continued to disappear--a whole box at a time. She ignored my requests to stop taking the maxi's --or at least to leave a few in the drawer
So finally I had to lock them up just so I'd have one when I needed it. This is the shit that makes me crazy!
LOL!
I'm sorry, I know this is not funny, but... Get a couple and put them in a ziploc bag. Then put THAT ziploc bag into another ziploc bag. Take the bag and put it down inside the toilet tank. You'll have a couple handy for emergencies and she'll never think to steal them from there!
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
That's GREAT!
Georgia--What a fantastic idea!! I'll do that! Oh, what we alpha women must put up with in our own homes....
SS21
No, the SS21 didn't steal maxis :lol:--no street value there. Instead, he stole our cash, change, and all the alcohol in the house.
You're in the right
How dare he blame this on you?!?!?! She's an ADULT!!! There are BM's on this site that are SD's age!!!! He's the one that needs to be checked....his behavior is UNACCEPTABLE.
Wonder who he'll blame when
Wonder who he'll blame when you are long gone and enjoying life, and he is at her trial for vehicular homicide. (this is the one that also has driven drunk.. right? or am I remembering someone else's out of control adult sd? on here.. that very well could be the case.. lol)
He sees a child, not an adult
I'm sure that my DH doesn't see his daughter and a 24 year-old adult. I think he sees a 9 year-old crying tears on the side of the road instead of the irresponsible adult that she is. She plays it up for him too--whining and crying and sniffling because the world has done her wrong.
Nothing is every this woman's fault. She presents herself as the innocent victim of "big brother," the cops, the courts, and, of course, her evil stepmother.
SD24 does not, and will not, ever take responsibility for her own actions because she is never held accountable for her actions. She never experiences any pain or consequences because there's always good 'ole "Daddy" to bail her out, agree that nothing is her fault, defend her, dry her tears, and make it all better.
Frankly, the whole thing makes me sick. That's why I want out.
Blame game always backfires
And good for you! Do what is right. I know, I am an ogre. It is my fault for everything. Reading your blog made me feel better. You are great!
Your SD and
Chava's SD sound like they are from the same idiot dad! Wouldn't you agree? They need to get together and decide who is dumb and who is dumber. My feeling is that your SD is dumber because she's older so she should know better.
These young ladies should know better but they don't because their 'fathers' don't have the balls to lay down the law when necessary and from the stories we're hearing, these 'fathers' are not doing their job as a parent to begin with.
There was a blog just yesterday about how a lot of these Biodads never call their daughters on all the lies and that it's always our fault that every thing goes wrong! You and Chava are not even genetically linked to these misfits and YOU STILL GET BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING. The BioDads in this case don't listen and they ignore the obvious because, let me hear it ladies:
If they ignore it, it will go away!
If they ignore it, it will go away!
If they ignore it, it will go away!
If they ignore it, it will go away!
If they ignore it, it will go away!
Don't let DH trick you into thinking you have any responsibility in this...it was HIS daughter who did all of these things and got herself into this mess, but the situation was made worse because your DH didn't help by consistently 'rescuing' his daughter after every disaster. He needs to stop doing this or it will never stop. It's time to cut the apron strings and for your SD to learn to take responsibility for her own actions. I think they call it tough love? She needs to be able to figure out what to do if daddy isn't around. Seriously, what would she do if your H wasn't around? Who would she go to? What if she got hauled into jail? Who would she call if daddy wasn't available or was out of state on business and wouldn't be around for awhile? Who would bail her out? Certainly not you...it's not your responsibility.
Just my two cents...
MJ24
You go girl
Glad to hear that you stood up to him. He deserved it. Stick to your guns and every time he brings it up, throw one more piece of evidence that its NOT your fault. Like how you have no control over how she speeds or whatever happened that she got pulled over. Or that she doesn't have a valid driver's lisence.
Hate to break it to you but the whole deal of taking maxi's and razors is not a SD only thing. My poor mother had to deal with three daughters doing it, she's still dealing with one. My suggestion? buy her her own box and ask constantly if she needs more. Then your DH hears that you are asking her about her supply and when (because it will still happen) she takes some of yours call her out on it infront of him. As far as the razors, my sisters and I got the venus brands while my mother used the pink Gillett ones. So then we stopped using hers because ours were better. But we still asked her to buy the razors for it!
Sorry, but it doesn't end.