all I can do is be the shoulder
and it still doesn't seem like it's enough.
SD16 has been very sick for a few months now. DH gave up his job last fall to sit with her in ICU-I took time off to be there for him (he has since started working again and it's a much better position!).
SD16 has a rare disease that has affected her memory. She doesn't know who anyone is, even her mother whom she has always lived with.
DH has never lived in the same city as his daughter and BM has really just used the child as a weapon to get more money. Now she is telling him he HAS to move to their city. Not that I wouldn't move for my husband, but compared to where we live, our incomes would drastically decrease, which would mean BM would get less child support. And she's even mentioned all she cares about is getting her check in the past. She doesn't even work.
Apparantly BM has some sort of back problem that keeps her from working, but she can carry her 16 year old daughter around? Go figure.
Today, BM calls DH and tells him that he has to move there and she found him a job in his field. Now, mind you, in his field, he works days, occasional nights and most weekends. I barely see him. He would not be able to see his daughter anymore than he does now. So, exactly how would this help? We have no idea.
I did tell DH that i woud move anywhere with him. He said he has no intention of living in the same city as BM.
I'm not sure where I a going with all of this, I kind of just needed to vent for a minute.
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BM should not dictate your life....
and although you can appreciate her assistance in enabling DH to be closer to their child in these desperate times, it is ultimately DHs decision as whether or not he is going to move.
Take BM out of the equation. Does he really want to move to be closer to his daughter? Because if he does then I say move. If he doesn't think it will benefit his daughter in the long run and will only benefit BM, then don't go.
I don't mean to sound morbid, but is this disease fatal? Because if it is, I would say that should be a much larger weighing factor in your decision. I would think that if the daughter's time is limited, DH might regret later not being with his daughter as much as he possibly could.
Best of luck to you and I'm so sorry.....
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
it's not a fatal disease at
it's not a fatal disease at all, but she does need constant care as she is still re-learning how to care for herself. In time, she should get to a point where she can function normally. She had something call encephalitis, which if not treated early enough can be fatal. Fortuntately, she made it through the rough part and is on the mend. The hard part is getting her memory back.
DH and I have talked extensively about the move to where she lives. BM is so mean, controlling, and abusive towards DH that he knows he would be miserable there. We don't know anyone there, nor do we have any family there for support. While I totally agree that children need their parents, the parents also need some sort of support network to make a move like that successful.
Omigosh
That is terrible she is that sick! I would think her prognosis would help you decide, if she will definitely recover maybe you can just try to visit more often?
We were going to move to BM's town but I realized it would be constant drama, police reports, smear campaigns, drunken tirades, public scenes, etc. and when DH finally said we could not afford to start over and keep support payments on time or she would have him arrested, I was only too glad to agree. So we stayed here where the rest of our families are, the weather is good, great location, growing city with jobs, etc. We wanted SD here for so long but have given up on that now, she is almost grown now and wants to be with her mom.
But does your BM need you to take her to dr. appts. or something? or is it just to torment him? we kind of thought the torment part ourselves, but it is hard to be so far away, especially at times like this.
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil