and you said you wanted to disengage. Let her drop them off for an extra day. My skid's BM won't do transportation most of the time either, unless she is being pissy and picks them on Sunday (which is what is court ordered but we keep them most Sunday nights and drop them off at school on Monday).

Disengage. Make plans for tonight all by your lonesome. Get your nails done, go to a movie, anything. Buy a new CD and go for a drive. Buy a book (I recommend EAT,PRAY,LOVE) and read it at a bookstore. Go to dinner with a friend and get sloppy drunk.

"would this have ticked off you as well???"

My answer to your question. No. I don't have to watch them. DH can do whatever the hell he wants as long as there is no expectation on my part.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

relate to this one. I don't allow Friday nights (unless there is a death in the family) at all. I do not like other people to control my free time. I give EOW, Sat & Sunday and that is ALL. You shouldn't have to parent unless you want to. They are not your kids.

He gets mad and tries guilt to CONTROL you. Don't let him. Turn the tables----he wouldn't allow you to do this to him???? Hell no! All he sees is your uterus & thinks you should want to care for children.

I agree with CG, go and get that book...Borders or Barnes & Noble and stay there in the coffee shop area and READ THIS BOOK until you are done or they close whichever comes first. You deserve it. It is the best book ever. I read it and can't even tell you how many times I laughed outloud...a real belly laugh too...and it just put everything into perspective. There's nothing wrong with taking time for yourself, ever!

MamaJenn24

Some men are like martinis: dry, very cold and they think they are fabulous because of the two olives dangling down at the bottom of their swizzle stick...Anonymous

Okay, you're going to have to consider the source on my response to this, because we haven't been able to have the skids for visitation in over two years and yeah, even I miss them...

I don't see a problem with getting skids for extra time, planned for or not planned for, as long as it doesn't interfere with some major plans of your own. If we're talking about plans to clean out your closets, well, that could wait. If we're talking about you and your husband going out of town for a romantic weekend or you having surgery, well, that would be different. I think you have to pick your battles wisely when you're living in Stepville and this may not be worth the fight.

I do have a big BUT to go with that, though... I have no problem with getting the skids for extra time, BUT that's with the understanding that DH will assume full responsibility for them during this extra time, especially if you can't or don't want to be a part of it. I don't see it as him dictating your time or even the BM dictating your time. It's up to YOU how much or how little you participate in the visits, whether it's a "normal" visit or extra time. The biggest hurdle to asserting your right to your own time is your DH, not the skids or even the BM. How you explain this to him without him blowing up, I don't know.

I'm seeing this from the perspective of a stepmom married to a great guy and fabulous father who's ex-wife won't let him spend time with the skids. So it's hard for me to commiserate with someone who is getting their skids EXTRA time. At this point, we'd kill for an extra Friday night. Like I said above, though, it's less about the skids/BM and more about getting your DH to understand that you are a separate individual, whether the skids are with you or not. I have a hard time with that with my own husband and our two bio kids. He just sees me as "the mom," and not necessarily as someone who needs to kill an hour or two in a hot bubblebath with a glass of wine and a trashy novel. Do you have any idea how many times I have told my children, "Um, honey, Mama's in the tub. GO FIND YOUR FATHER." It's crazy. And I know what you mean. Running errands with my bio kids is NEVER pleasant, unless it involves them getting to pick out a prize at either Wally World or Target before we go home and I almost never get to accomplish what I set out to accomplish.

I know it's frustrating and I feel for you. I do. Forget skids, I deal with this same thing with my own kids. I never get a "day off" and I never get to plan my time, it's always planned for me or my plans are disregarded because "family matters" take precedence. It's frustrating, but part and parcel with "my job." Sigh. I wouldn't fight him on the extra time, although yes, I agree with you that it is annoying, but I would try to reach him on the subject of it being HIS visitation and not YOUR visitation.

~ Anne ~

"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook

these biomothers that see nothing wrong with ping-ponging their kids @ other people's expense. Shameful. Sometimes irreparable emotional damage occurs. They want to "dump" their kids off so that their free weekend isn't messed up. Don't they realize that score is being kept? That someone will pay for these "unnoticeable" mistakes.

AND It is NOT the job of the step-parent to make sure those kids are emotionally healthy.

Then they wonder why their kids hate them or hate everyone & are emotionally screwed up. They act befuddled when the kid is failing in school & needs psychiatric help.

I have another rant for biodads. To be continued.