well today i feel i get to take the cake for most stupidest idea of the year...
i asked hubby to read my blogs as i felt that they clearly express my thoughts and feelings of our time together and how i am now feeling about his daughter and ex.
i have been feeling dread and guilt about the things i have written expecting hubby to feel hurt by the way i don't trust him with other women or the way that i felt his daughter was a mistake which i now beared the burden of but you know what i got after him reading it all
" yeah that sounds right"
i felt like crying i had poured out all my bottled up feelings and thoughts from our years together have expressed the feeling of not walking away but running and taking my babies with me and leaving him to his sh*t head child and her bi*ch of a mother and all he can say is "yeah that sounds right"
am i crazy for wanting more? for wanting my husband to feel the hurt, anger, frustration and shear fear that i have over the past few years its almost like he doesn't care and i am here just to save him the effort of dealing with the ex and his daughter.
i love my husband dearly but with his responce or lack there of to my very personal and emotional blogs i feel very small and drained. i feel hes detached emotionally and just going through the motions of day to day crap but not feeling it.
i thought i had a partner in crime to help me through or to be at my side through the hard times and the down right ugly times but today i felt lost at sea.
in the beginning my hubby was a very pasionate man with great ideas and was emotional he use to write me letters and poems but i asked him tonight why i don't get them anymore and he said he doesn't feel the need to write any more or doesn't want to...
did i do something wrong by taking on this situation, i thought i had a caring thoughtful emotionally mature man only to find he doesn't care or doesn't see the need to care about the issues that dictate our lives it seems the only time i get anything emotionally from him is when he wants something usually physical or if i spit the dummy but it doesn't last my hubby doesn't like confrontation and would rather step aside and let things just happen rather then take a stand on things.
i feel so hurt by his words they lacked so much of the support and nurturing i was looking for. i feel that my efforts these past few years are worth even less now he doesn't care.
i know it hasn't all been bad bad but the good times seem far and few between. i am constantly plagued by the actions of the ex and the impact that she has had on our lives but also now the hurt that my sd is causing and yet hubby says he doesn't like it but wont do anyhting he just goes with the flow i swear that cow could drop in unannounced and demand anything an my hubby would comply simply not to have to deal with confrontation anytime an issue has been raised with the ex its because i have pushed anytime something has been organised with the sd its because i have organised it i feel im the soul parent of this ungrateful little snot and yet he gets to take credit or the cow does...
im sorry my blog seems harsh but i feel so damn angry and hurt oh so deeply hurt by hubbys lack of responce to his life and its ups and downs that i can't think to be nice...
i don't like the ex, i don't like my step daughter and i currently don't feel to warmly towards hubby either... i had a dream of growing old with this man sitting on our home porch talking reflecting on our life hearing each others thoughts and feelings and now i feel rejected and that the only reson nubby responded in the past was because someone else pushed to make it happen. i wanted a partner someone to go 50/50 in life with only to find i have yet another dependant with baggage.....:(