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Realtime SM, second wives groups.

Lauren973's picture

Submitted by Lauren973 on Wed, 06/06/2007 - 10:06am

Do any of you ladies have local step parent step mom or second wives groups locally where women in situations like ours can meet to talk in real life? If so, are there any resources you can advise for me to look into for such a group?
I could really use a support system in town as I know no one here but my STBH and his ninety y/o landlady. Oh and the nutcase STBX.

Comments

Stephanie's picture

Submitted by Stephanie on Fri, 06/08/2007 - 12:05am

We absolutely have one in the North Denver Area, if you happen to be there. If not, starting one would be a great idea. I think we go through some crazy things and having sisters there to help out is a necessity. We share a lot of things -- successes, failures, complaints and answered prayers. We just recently talked about grief. I think being a stepparent really is a constant grieving process. It helps so much to know you're not alone. Feel free to e-mail me if you are in the Denver area and would like to come. Feel free to e-mail if you're not in the Denver area and have questions about the group we've started.

Stop by my blog at http://stephaniesplace.wordpress.com

Cruella's picture

Submitted by Cruella (not verified) on Fri, 06/08/2007 - 5:18am

I want to start a group in my home town. To me ideally is to have not only a support group but professionals that can help out such as an Attorney that could give advice out to the people being abused by the system. I actually found a Fathers Rights advocate group and they gave me free legal advice. I sought them out due to the court system being so one sided.

OldTimer's picture

Submitted by OldTimer on Sat, 06/09/2007 - 12:57am

is not really the step parent resource, but for the spouse of the step parent resource so that they get an eye opener as to what it takes for US steps... reason being is that I don't EVER go to my DH about issues I have anymore because he just sees it as 'whining/complaining', when if he would just OPEN HIS EYES and see... oh.... (yeah, the light bulb is on, but no body is home...) You know, I just sometimes would like SOMEONE ELSE to point out to him the significance of what I, the STEPPARENT, have to put up with. I just think that because he's never had to experience it on his own, that he just doesn't get it.

I joined a few other online places too, but this site has been the absolute greatest thing for me, so I dropped the others and don't bother with them anymore. This is the only place I know that I can rely on, count on, and be supportive- even if it is just whining.

Wink StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

ccaso's picture

Submitted by ccaso (not verified) on Mon, 12/17/2007 - 6:55pm

I am having a very difficult time being the "step-wife". Any suggestions? My husband defends his ex in any arguement we have.

ccaso's picture

Submitted by ccaso (not verified) on Mon, 12/17/2007 - 7:01pm

My husband and I have been married 2 years. I am having a difficult time being a "step-wife". My husband defends his ex in any arguement we have. His children are 19 & 21...........young adults. His support of his wife has driven a wedge between us and he does not understand why.

rking's picture

Submitted by rking (not verified) on Sun, 01/27/2008 - 7:36pm

I think it is absolutely terrible that your husband defends his first wife. You are his wife now and complete and full support should be given to you. My husband doesn't defend his first wife and him being married before has still put a strain on our relationship so I can only imagine how terrible that him defending her would be.

bellacat's picture

Submitted by bellacat (not verified) on Mon, 11/03/2008 - 12:22pm

My fiancee divorced 20 years ago, he has middle aged children. He is 70, I am 50. He is a very wealthy man. Lately, he is telling me that he is watching his expenses due to the downturn in the stock market. He will not be buying luxury items for me which means my piece of jewelry for christmas.
Two days later, he said that his ex-wife is not doing well financially, and may be thinking of filing for bankruptcy. I asked if he is thinking of paying her expenses. He said it was not out of the question.
I am not doing well financially and have told him for one year that I have slept in the cold/heat because I could not afford the utitlity bill. It is only since I had a fight with him that he said he'd pay the utility bill. He claims that he does not want me to feel an "entitlement."
His adult children ignore me when I am with them. He wants to have them as his executor along with a friend of his. I am not in the mix.
I tell him that a wife is #1. He said there is no #1 everyone is important. Am I being too immature, Is this the way it is when you marry someone who has a family?
Thank you
Bella

melis070179's picture

Submitted by melis070179 on Mon, 11/03/2008 - 4:28pm

NO!!! Do not marrying someone who does not put you first! And especially if they are willing to treat the ex-wife like she is still the wife! He doesn't want you to feel entitled, but may pay her bills?! Please! Run fast in the other direction!

bewitched's picture

Submitted by bewitched on Mon, 11/03/2008 - 4:59pm

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

Altho it isn't the ex my H puts first, it's his spoiled 17 yr old daughter, I can tell you from my short experience in this marriage that being placed second-to anyone-by your spouse is hell. You will live to regret it if you go thru with marrying this man.

deidra's picture

Submitted by deidra on Sun, 02/13/2011 - 5:19pm

I agree, DO NOT WALK, RUN! from this relationship. I know first hand about not being put first by my husband. He puts his children (although grown and have lives and money of their own - his daughter lives in a 1/2 million dollar home for heavens sake) first and even the wishes of his ex when it comes to what happens to me if he passes away. I am (_______) this close to leaving and starting over - again. I will have to if he passes away anyway. I am only allowed to live in this house for 5 years after he dies (or less if I co-habitate with someone), then unless the daugher wants the house at county tax appraisal price, I have to get the house ready and on the market, then split the proceeds 3 ways, I get 1/3. Then I have to find a place of my own and hope I can afford it. So my thought is why wait, how about a 1/3 now and I move on if you love me so little as to be concerned about where and how I live after you are gone????? Thanks for loving me:)

IslandofDreams's picture

Submitted by IslandofDreams on Sun, 02/13/2011 - 6:05pm

Deidra,
That is just horrible to put a 5 year clause into the will for you to live in the marital home. You should be able to live there until you choose to leave. And why would his daughter want the house if she already lives in her own home?

Good luck to you!

deidra's picture

Submitted by deidra on Sun, 02/13/2011 - 7:21pm

I'm sorry, I should have stated, this is the home his kids grew up in. I can understand this being their "family" home and the sentimental attachment, but for the past 10 years I have helped to pay the 2nd mortgage (from his first divorce). I would so love to have a home that is his AND mine, but I doubt that will ever happen. Even though he says in a few years we will look for another home, I just don't think that will happen. The "daughter gets first shot at buying the house" is what his ex wanted to happen.