Would love to hear what others have done in similar situations since I didn't handle this very gracefully:

We discovered my SD's vision (lazy eye) has gotten worse. BM just calls and says she needs to see the eye doctor twice/week for a month. The BM made an appointment but can't take her, could I do it? Sure, I said. I can help out. I tried to get more information but BM didn't want to 'talk in front of' my SD.

Here is what I resent: not being talked to as a parent, but rather as a babysitter. I am a pretty hands-on kind of person. I wanted to know the prognosis, what needed to be done, were there things we can do at home, etc. etc. Not just 'take her to this appointment'. (which, btw, DH and I pay 100 percent of). I tried to get some information from DH, he had none. I said can you get some from BM..he resists speaking to her at all costs. I vacillate between fighting with him over what I feel is negligent communication between them and throwing my hands up (this option upsets me because I feel that my SD loses out from her parents not communicating.)

SO, of course I take matters into my own hands. I take SD to her appointment, and while she is with the eye therapist, I politely ask if I can have a word with the doctor. I explain that I just want to know what the protocol is, what is going on with her eyes, etc. Guess what the receptionist said to me: 'Her mother has all the information and we're not allowed to give it out.' I said, "I'm here stepmother." She cited some HIPAA crap. Anyway, don't know why it struck such a cord but I was in tears and furious in seconds. First, I had to walk away because I don't trust what comes out of my mouth when I'm angry. I came back and was loud and ugly and said 'how am I supposed to parent her in the absence of pertinent medical information?!" the whole thing was a big scene and I couldn't stop crying for an hour (being 6 weeks pregnant doesn't help with the emotions.)

Anyone else had a similar experience?