BM is mad...and now wants to put a "kabosh" on the parenting plan
So we send ss packing to return to live with his impossible mother, 38 days later she calls and complains that she is sick of him, and wants dh to find a summer camp she can dump him into.
A week ago, my sil stopped by our business to chat. She is getting married this summer, and it is an out of town wedding. So we have already made the arrangements to go to the wedding. Sil has also arranged for a dinner crusie the evening of her wedding on a lake. She has been asking if we are going on the dinner cruise. Sil and pyscho bm are bff.
I said to sil "I need to ask you a question. Is bm going on the dinner cruise?" and sil said.."no, she already said she isn't going on the dinner cruise. Why? What's up?" So I told her..."I'm not socializing with bm, she has disrespected our home and my dh, and I've established some boundaries and I'm not socializing with a person that is intentionally rude to us." Sil immediately defended her friend..."Well she IS going to be at the wedding." and I returned.."The wedding isn't an issue for me...but the dinner cruise is. I don't want to be on a boat with BM." Sil laughed at the way I said it.
Within a couple of days, bm is calling pissed off! Instead of asking for us to rescue her now, like she normally does, now she wants to act as if she is inconvenienced by us! This is so laughable! Sil must have called her immediately and told her everything I said, b/c nothing else has transpired to piss her off.
Now, bm wanted everything that was still here from ss, so we put it on the porch for her to pick up. Then she stated that she would sign a modification of the cs that we wouldn't have to pay cs, and she would get the tax exemptions every year until ss reaches 18. So we check into it with our lawyer. My dh calls her back and this is what she says...
Dh says.."okay I checked with my lawyer, and we can modify the cs the way you want, but we need to go through an attorney, we can't do this on our own, it won't fly with the judge."
BM in a snotty voice.."I won't do anything outside of an attorney!"
dh says..."okay, with it's going to cost $400."
BM immediately replies in a snotty voice..."You can pay for it.."
Dh says..."No, we can split it."
BM says..."okay with can split it."
Then the next day she calls him at work and says she is going to bring him cash at the end of the month, and she wants to put a "kabosh" on the parenting plan. We are not exactly sure what she really means b/c she is crazy, but we suspect she is asking to have sole custody rather than joint.
I think she is butthurt b/c she now knows I'm done with her and her bullshit, and her talking and acting all pist off is her way of being manipulative. I think she thinks people actually care about her being pist off and believes she will change their attitude when she is juvenile and childish. It makes me laugh! I have never met someone so self absorbed! It's all about her isn't it?!
P.S. The bf she just broke up with...oh yeah, he just purchased a new boat, so guess who she is talking to now?! It won't be long now before she is moving back in with him, and back to square 1!
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*rolls eyes*
So because you said you didn't want to party with her, now she wants sole custody of her kid? And what does that have to do with CS or the tax benefits? I hate to see kids yanked around like this. You know it has to make him wonder how his mom could love him when she's constantly so back and forth about whether she wants him or not. What happens in six months when she's fallen in love again and is sick of SS? She'll modify it again and he'll be back with you guys. This woman is so fickle it's sad. I'm sure you can't help but laugh! I'm sorry you and DH and SS have to deal with this.
It is funny, though.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
I'm laughing
but on a serious note, my dh is considering giving her exactly what she wants. It's very typical of bm to talk tough and create ridiculous demands thinking that she is going to "scare" us, then we give her what she claims she wants, and then is more pist off than before.
I think she wants to pretend that she doesn't need a father for her children. She demonizes the father's so she doesn't have to take her own inventory and actually improve her own parenting. Then when things really do get tough, she calls them up in a real nice voice letting them know she needs their help.
We are at the end of our rope with her, so no matter how nice, or how much she needs our help, it won't be available. My dh told her several times..."you can have ss back, but if you take him, you are keeping him forever!" She rarely takes people seriously b/c she is a master manipulator, and thinks just b/c she is nice once in a while, she will get what she wants.
In regards to the cs and tax exemptions, she places high value on being able to use ss on her taxes (don't we all). She scams the irs and has other people claim her kids so she will get more money back than if she were to claim them, and those individuals give her the cash for it. So on the years that my dh is able to claim him, she can't do that. CS isn't as important to her primarily b/c when she receives money directly from my dh, she is also accountable to report to him his medical and educational condition. And since we all know what a piss poor parent she is, she doesn't want to have to answer to dh, so she figures if she doesn't receive cs, then she doesn't owe dh an answer as to why he misses so much school, or why he is misbehaving in school and she doesn't do anything about it. She has even gone as far as asking us NOT to place him on medical insurance for this very same reason. She won't insure her kids, but she doesn't want us to insure ss either.
She is seriously the most dysfunctional person I have ever met, and when I set boundaries with her, she explodes b/c she knows she can't manipulate me or dh (she did before but we weren't as wise then as were are now). And she knows we are good at picking up the pieces to her train wrecks. As long as we withhold our help, life is more difficult for her, and she might actually have to change *sigh*.
I am very thankful my dh has the courage and the guts to put and end to all of this with her. It's painful to see one of your kids suffer due to one parent, but we can't work with her. I'm so glad he isn't making our marriage suffer with her anymore!
Candice
BM's
You know that sounds like my Skids BM. She writes in emails to DH and copies her attorney. When she wanted the children to attend her Moms funeral she copied her attorney demanding she be able to pick up the children. My DH emails her back giving sympathies and said yes get your attorney to work the details out with my Attorney. Then she emails back asking why are we using Attornies that they should be able to work things out without Attornies??? WTF then why copy your Attorney to begin with? Then 2 times again my DH said just get your Attorney to contact mine and make the arrangments. She didn't want to tell DH where she was taking the children and when they were to come back. She just wanted to have free reign on how to control the situation. Well DH didn't bend to her demands and insisted on his Attorney handling it. She is a fruit loop!!!!
Don't threaten and try to intimidate to get your way. BM will get EXACTLY what she asks for. She can't stand she has no control over him anymore.
That is exactly it!
They want what they want when they want it, no matter how it affects everyone around them, and then when the shit hits the fan, their still pist off that you aren't there picking up all the pieces to their train wrecks!
I know bm is partly pist off b/c the door is getting shut in her face, and that makes life way harder for her. These nutty bms' will never make sense, or exercise their brain cells, they want people to jump for them without a cause. There is no rhyme or reason to these crazy's!
Unreal
I have come to the conclusion that alot of our BM's should be defense attorneys. It amazes me how thay can turn anything around.
About 2 months ago Dk's brother was talking to BF about his wedding plans. Said thet we can go to his wedding. (this was before all the shit hit fan) Are f$#king kidding me? Yeah, I really want to hang out with these people. I don't blame you. I am proud of you.
And naturally, you have to pay for standing up for your-self. It's enough to make anyone puke.
As far as the custody change. Only you know what's best and what you can handle. We are at a point where we want to give it to her, even though she didn't ask. I honestly can't take her shit anymore.
Hang in there. Jo
"I'll be alright in a year or two after I calm down". Detective Donahue - Soap
Thank you!
I appreciate the positive feedback, and I agree, it does take guts to establish your boundaries and stick to them. I'm obligated to go the wedding no matter who is there, it's my dh's sister, but I'm not obligated to attend any reception with pyscho present.
You're right about a lot of the bms, they do turn everything around so that they are constant victims, and we're the assholes. Go figure. My ss is falling into that mind manipulation too, right now he is telling everyone his father has abandoned him.
My dh is giving it consideration, this is his choice, and I'm not going to lean on him to do one thing or the other, it's his kid. One thing we both thought about her having sole, is that when he commits crimes, she will be the "sole" person responsible! So, I think we will give her what she wants! LOL! I'm in the same boat you are in, I just can't take her dysfunction anymore, I'm done...stick a fork in me, I'm done!
Thanks for the support!
Candice