Is BF applying for custody of the 2 older girls? Sounds like that would best for them. I love your excited attitude but don't be disappointed when things go bad as step-parenting comes with lots of up's and downs and with an Ex who does drugs and can't control head lice will more than likely have jealousy meltdowns and direct them at you and BF.

I certainly don't want to be negative with the things I am saying, I just want you to be prepared and ready in action when she pulls the tricks that some BM's do & nasty ones use the kids to do it.

Good luck with the new parent thing and you sound like you will be a great step-mum. Show them your enthusiasm at being with them, they will sure appreciate a stable home after mum runs around with men, and crims at that, and has her drug induced coma's around them. Just be their safe place to fall and you will be a great step-mum!! And don't forget when times get rough, we are all here to help.

Catch xx

Let me start by saying good luck-you'll need it. Catch 22 was right on target about your attitude, as well as about the complications that arise before those of us with the best attitudes. I started out my relationship new to the whole parenting deal as well. I have none of my own- never even dated someone with kids before. Now we are engaged and working on building this blended family. I thought I might include some "rules", better said helpful hints that I've picked up along the way.

1. Leave discipline to biodad. Don't allow the kids to walk all over you, but don't raise your voice, and never, ever, ever hit. There's been a time or two for me that this has been difficult, but it's worth keeping your temper with them. In my experience, if I can't talk in a normal tone, I walk away, discuss the situation with biodad, and let him handle dealing out consequences for bad behavior.

2. Never be afraid to reward good behavior. This is one of the fun aspects of this deal. When the kids do something well, or respectfully, or according to the rules, tell them! Children thrive on encouragement and positive reinforcement. I often use this as a way to show my ss that I care about him and that he can trust me to do more than just nit-pick at his behavior.

3. Don't take biomom's behavior personally. This one's one of the hardest to stick to. Some biomoms are normal and care about their children's well-being. For those of us who are not so blessed, this site is the place to be. If these women were normal, they would probably still be married to the fathers of their children. Psychosis runs rampant. The thing about psychosis, though, is that it hardly ever makes sense. It's really just an excuse to act like a child, when they are supposed to be looking out for the best interests of the kids. Don't try to rationalize it- it's a waste of time. Focus more on what you can do to show the kids what a normal woman really acts like and being a positive role model.

4. Stick up for yourself. Everyone gets busy, especially in a situation like this. But that doesn't mean that you should be miserable all or most of the time on account of it. Your bf should, at least, not kiss the asses of his exes, and should defend you when bad, and often untrue things are said regarding you. There was a post a while back that said something regarding second marriages (the point still applies, though): When you get married the first time, it's about 2 people. Eventually they have kids, and they of course want to take care of the kids, but they still make time for each other, and are each other's priorities. In a 2nd marriage, it's about the kids. The kids come first, and the new wife never gets to feel like she's part of the priorities as the first one did. Many agree that this is why it's so hard to make a 2nd marriage work. The point is that you should in no way be a doormat for a man and his children. You are not their doormat, their cook, or their maid. Keep this in mind, and remind them often if needed, as this is something that tends to creep up on us after the passage of time.

5. Vent, and vent often. Sometimes I think, as I'm updating my blog, that what I'm venting about is totally inconsequential to the people reading the post. I think to myself that other people on this site have it so much worse than I do. While this perpective can be valuable on its own, vent anyway. For starters, it's great when someone posts back, saying that you aren't crazy (yes-at times you will question your sanity), and that you aren't alone. Secondly, you need to get frustration out. It helps keep you from taking it out on your bf and skids (this you must not do at all costs!). The more you talk about something, I promise, the better you'll feel. You may not be able to do anything to solve the problem, but you'll feel better about it.

6. This one's important too. Never, ever, EVER say anything bad about biomom in front of the kids. This may be terribly difficult at times, but no matter how bad it gets, don't say anything in front of the kids. This is two-fold: First, children understand that they are parts of both of their parents. It hurts their feelings, frankly. Secondly, they may very well repeat it to biomom, which hatches a whole new bunch of problems. Furthermore, many young kids worship their parents. No matter what you try to tell them about their parents, they won't believe it anyway. As they get older, they will see for themselves. They don't need to be told, for they already know. The same goes for if and when dad is being a jackass.

7. If you are wrong, ever-apologize. Of course this doesn't fix everything, but it's a start. There's a lot to be said for saying you're sorry. It shows everyone that you made an honest mistake-you've realized it- and you are humble enough to try to correct it. It serves as a great role model for the kids, and shows them what you expect them to do when they make a mistake.

I hope this is helpful for you. Again, I say good luck to you. Those of us with the best intentions have our rough spots. Just remember you can't do everythiing perfectly, and neither can your family members. Be willing to forgive.

I loved reading your post, Its for sure a challenge but makes ALOT of sense.
I will print your post out to keep as my little reminder if you do not mind. I have my bad days to and reading something like this can help any body put a situation in perspective. Thanks for sharring not only your outlook but the truth with it!

Sometimes even I find that I am a little rough around the edges out of my own spite because of my own hurt feelings from BF kids and BM.
Thanks!

During the raw emotional times everything you said would be VERY difficult to follow, but I'm sure we all agree with you. The hard part is biting your tongue when the little darlings are berating you while all the time defending the biomom. I guess we have to wait for heaven for our rewards.