In our situation, bm and her mother have an extremely incestuous relationship with my ss. He can do no wrong in their eyes, he is their confidont (they actually discuss adult topic conversations with him-not sex or drugs, but inappropriate adult things), they over indulge in him (especially when he behaves ill mannered), and to top it all off, they talk trash about his dad (who is the only stable parent in this poor kids' life) just to make themselves look slightly better.

Grandma actually said this to ss "Your uncle xxx isn't a drug dealer, he is a drug runner..." She was defending that there is some difference between the two, and why Uncle xxx is in prision. Grandma also said this to ss when we had him in counseling "You need to watch what you say to the counselor. If he finds out that your mom is an unfit mother, your little brother is going to be sent to his dad, and then we are really never going to see him!"

It's truly tragic to me b/c ss who is 12 is allowed to make adult based decisions, he completely runs his mother's life, and the only time he calls his dad is when he wants his dad to buy him something. I worry about this poor child everyday of my life b/c he is not learning or gaining the tools he needs in life in order to be successful. I really and truly believe that he will grow up to be a burden to society, and unfortunately bm doesn't get now, and she ain't going to get it then.

I'm so angry b/c I'm hopeless in getting this child turned around. I don't think the light bulb will ever go off in his head b/c it never went off in his mom's head...

Emotional Incest is a very real and true diagnosis and it occurs more than you think. Emotional Incest is when a parent takes on the child in a "partner" role. They treat the child as the partner by sharing inappropriate adult information and looking to the child for emotional support. They share intimate adult relationship issues and frustrations concerning the other parent with the child, stuff they should be discussing with peers, not their children. This makes the child eventually feel responsible for the parent's emotional well-being. I am not saying this is done intentionally, but it happens frequently. In my situation, i see it every day. My b/f "reports" absolutely everything to SD, much like a husband would share with a wife. He has discussed issues between him and myself with her, which makes me furious. It has gotten to the point where she now acts like his g/f. She says things to him that I would say, she copies any physical contact I have with him, she insists on kissing him on the mouth, especially when i am there, he "pats" her on the rear end the same way he does to me.....the list goes on and on. The very few things regarding this that I have been able to mention to him, he has gotten very angry with me, but i have noticed a change too. I truly believe he realizes now what he has done and is trying to change it. Which makes SD angry. She demands full attention and does not want anyone (including her older sister) around him. SHE wants to be the one and only and has exhibited every one of the attitudes that KeeKee mentioned. She truly believes she is the best, the most wonderful, the ultimate human being. It makes me sick to watch her around the house, acting like she is "hot shit". She has NO responsiblities around the house, does absolutely NOTHING to help out. There are no rules that apply to her..........none. When she violates "curfew", nothing happens to her. She is asked to clean her room,,.....and that's it. She is in for a rude awakening when she enters the real world. She won't know how to take rejection, criticism, reprimands or even simple suggestions. SHe is convinced the rest of the world is stupid and that she and her father are the only intelligent life form here. She uses him to get whatever she wants and has NO respect for him whatsoever. He has begun to notice this, but still takes very little action to hold her accountable. She does whatever she wants, with no repercussions.......including stealing my car on several ocassions. Not only was this a huge boundary violation for me, she didnt even have her damn license. I too feel bad for her. She has no idea what it means to care for other people or to respect their views and wishes.

There is alot of information in the internet regarding Emotional Incest. I found most of it frightening to read, but also found some comfort in knowing that what I am seeing really is happening, that I am not crazy or over reacting. The hardest part is not being able to talk to my b/f about it without it causing huge issues for the two of us. So i continue to mention things a little at a time. He seems to digest it a little better that way.

OMG Sheila I could swear up and down you are talking about my finace's daughter!!! SD is so sexual with him it makes me sick and she has no rules or boundaries. I have 5 children and she is his only child and my children don't understand why she is soooo privileged and why she is treated so much better than them.
I find her watching my fiance and I together - we kiss, hug, and are very open with our sexuality - I always have been with my kids anyway - and she is jealous and she will then do something like she is trying to outdo me. It sickens me to no end. And she thinks she is soooo all that!! She writes I LOVE ME all over notebooks and everything. She has even wrote her name heart (loves) her dads name like a teenager would when they are in love with someone.
I can't say anything to my finace about the behavior he says I am sick and he denies that this stuff happens. I have a whole s#@tload of stuff she has done. I am going to see about getting into counseling -- which finace said he will do - but at one point he changed his mind saying he didn't want the "sexual" stuff to come up....That is THE problem for the most part - the daughters behavior and what he allows her to do - he never says anything to her about it--he just lets her do it.

~Darlene~

My SD just turned 14. You mentioned the pet name - my fiance calls me Honey and one weekend he was calling her Honey the whole time - I didn't say anything b/c I knew he would end up leaving as he always does when anything is ever said about his daughter if it isn't good or praising her. But I wanted to say to him "Who is your Honey - her or me?"
My fiance is a football fanatic (loves the Colts) and his daughter hates football -- she has said she does - but she will act interested and talk about it and sit and watch it with her dad - practically on his lap, or if she is watching TV and he comes in the room she will turn it to football to show she loves it!! He has always told me that she knows everything about football - she doesn't at all - I know more about it than her and I don't even like football. She asks him who this is and that is or what this was or that was or whatever. She doesn't have her own likes and dislikes -- they are all her dads - from football to food. She has even said she is scared of elevators only because her aunt is - it is ridiculous. She will act like she is hurt or come over and say she "sprained" her ankle or whatever for attention. She will come over with it wrapped and as soon as she gets here she is walking on it and running around.
When we go out to eat she will mix her food with gross stuff or whatever and eat it just to get attention - she will say it's good but later she will say it is gross. She went overboard one time a month or so ago and was pouring ketchup down her throat out of the bottle and my fiance said something and I told him to ignore her she is just doing it for attention and that this is what she does every time we go out. I don't think he liked it but it is the truth.
She acts like a 4 year old. My fiance took my son back to his friends and took his daughter to her moms over the Christmas break and she threw a fit to sit up front and whined about it all the way (a half hour drive). My son is bigger than her and is 18 and the truck is a 2-seater with a little side seat on the small extended cab. She is selfish and doesn't think of anyone but herself. She is very manipulative, rude, disrespectful....

I am looking to get into counseling. I could write a book about my life and have been told to and that was before I got with my fiance!! Life with them has been a whole new book.

~Darlene~