Why isn't the schedule standard? Is this a random something happened and the schedule changed or do you never know more than a few weeks in advance what the schedule will be?
Let's say that bio-mom and my partner get along well, so the program it is not pre-established.
The program is based on their priorities (work, nanny & other stuff like that).
Yes, you should definitely be consulted. If it was a one time, need an answer in a pinch- something had to be rearranged... I would be likely to over look it. But in this circumstance, you should be included every time humanly possible. Have you asked about doing a shared calendar? Something you guys can all contribute to? I use the hell out of mine a work, I would think in your case it would work well...
Considering the fact that we are partners, yes, he always discussed it with me beforehand.
We had a regular schedule but sometimes, when DH took days off of work in the summer, SD would come and stay. But he never just told me, "Hey, this is happening."
This one of the reasons I have an exit plan. Skids and BM get to decide where the skids will be for weekends and vacations and they just turn up and leave whenever. If we're gong away for a weekend and they ask to come, they get to come and share our room. No-one can see how this is impractical or inconsiderate and I am the bad guy ... but as long as skids are happy.
We were the Custodial household in our blended family adventure. For us it was not a matter of my being consulted. My wife and I are a team and as such we generally keep each other informed and discuss most things. If a decision needs to be made prior to the other of us being informed then we each make it a point to inform the other as soon as is reasonable given the situation.
I'm not consulted, but deviations from the set schedule are few and far between. Usually when they happen it's last minute (or becomes last minute because SO forgot to write down something BM told him months ago) and necessary. I would not be happy with a fluctuating schedule that did not allow me to plan and know what to expect.
The visiting program it's not pre-established in our case. Today it's the second week my partner decided to spend the time with his kids alone, after a week of skiing in the mountains.
Anyway, the nanny is not available two weeks from now, so they decided (without asking me) to share the kids - 1 week at bio-mom - 1 week with my boyfriend.
This is driving me mad.
He keeps repeating that I'm way too demanding.
So let me get this straight. You live with your boyfriend, I assume in a house you both own/rent and pay for together. His life with his kids is completely separate from you. And there's no set schedule? So whenever he gets the kids, you don't see him and he just vanishes from your house to go to the house he maintains with his kids? How long has this arrangement been going on? How much time does he spend in his house with the kids vs. in his house with you?
Oh wow... Yeah... I would become demanding as hell, real fast. No F-ing way... I would tell him to just stay in the Kid house, no way would I be ok with this arrangement.
You should have really let all these details out in the beginning.
When the skids came to the house and their schedule wasn't consistent, no I was not consulted. Because they were my DH's kids his thought process was I should just expect them to come over whenever and be okay with it. I hated not knowing if I had to deal with them or not and it was awful.
Here is something to think about. Maybe you can relate, maybe not.
Share time: Years ago bm tried like heck to maintain a fly by the seat of her pants schedule. SHE called dh "unwilling to be flexible". aka yanking my dh chain and making him JUMP when she said JUMP.
It would take 1week and 6days for her to confirm the court ordered schedule of EOW (ofcourse) It was a total nightmare. That s*** went on for years. Such chaos was the norm because of her.
This was PRE Step Talk and we really thought we were alone.
It took a Therapist to testify in court that schedules ARE important. Children need a schedule they can count on. You have a work schedule, there are schedules at school, Doctors, Churches.. There are schedules for court.
So you're just a bed warmer when he doesn't have anything better to do? I would leave him in a heart beat. I don't do part time relationships where I have no say.
Why isn't the schedule
Why isn't the schedule standard? Is this a random something happened and the schedule changed or do you never know more than a few weeks in advance what the schedule will be?
Let's say that bio-mom and my
Let's say that bio-mom and my partner get along well, so the program it is not pre-established.
The program is based on their priorities (work, nanny & other stuff like that).
Yes, you should definitely be
Yes, you should definitely be consulted. If it was a one time, need an answer in a pinch- something had to be rearranged... I would be likely to over look it. But in this circumstance, you should be included every time humanly possible. Have you asked about doing a shared calendar? Something you guys can all contribute to? I use the hell out of mine a work, I would think in your case it would work well...
Considering the fact that we
Considering the fact that we are partners, yes, he always discussed it with me beforehand.
We had a regular schedule but sometimes, when DH took days off of work in the summer, SD would come and stay. But he never just told me, "Hey, this is happening."
This one of the reasons I
This one of the reasons I have an exit plan. Skids and BM get to decide where the skids will be for weekends and vacations and they just turn up and leave whenever. If we're gong away for a weekend and they ask to come, they get to come and share our room. No-one can see how this is impractical or inconsiderate and I am the bad guy ... but as long as skids are happy.
"If we're gong away for a
"If we're gong away for a weekend and they ask to come, they get to come and share our room."
OMG, I would lose my ever loving mind if this ever happened to me.
We were the Custodial
We were the Custodial household in our blended family adventure. For us it was not a matter of my being consulted. My wife and I are a team and as such we generally keep each other informed and discuss most things. If a decision needs to be made prior to the other of us being informed then we each make it a point to inform the other as soon as is reasonable given the situation.
I'm not consulted, but
I'm not consulted, but deviations from the set schedule are few and far between. Usually when they happen it's last minute (or becomes last minute because SO forgot to write down something BM told him months ago) and necessary. I would not be happy with a fluctuating schedule that did not allow me to plan and know what to expect.
The visiting program it's not
The visiting program it's not pre-established in our case. Today it's the second week my partner decided to spend the time with his kids alone, after a week of skiing in the mountains.
Anyway, the nanny is not available two weeks from now, so they decided (without asking me) to share the kids - 1 week at bio-mom - 1 week with my boyfriend.
This is driving me mad.
He keeps repeating that I'm way too demanding.
You are too demanding because
You are too demanding because you'd like to be consulted about what goes on in your home? Your life?
Maybe he would be better off single?
So let me get this straight.
So let me get this straight. You live with your boyfriend, I assume in a house you both own/rent and pay for together. His life with his kids is completely separate from you. And there's no set schedule? So whenever he gets the kids, you don't see him and he just vanishes from your house to go to the house he maintains with his kids? How long has this arrangement been going on? How much time does he spend in his house with the kids vs. in his house with you?
Yes I agree with ndc....
Yes I agree with ndc....
Oh wow... Yeah... I would
Oh wow... Yeah... I would become demanding as hell, real fast. No F-ing way... I would tell him to just stay in the Kid house, no way would I be ok with this arrangement.
You should have really let all these details out in the beginning.
When the skids came to the
When the skids came to the house and their schedule wasn't consistent, no I was not consulted. Because they were my DH's kids his thought process was I should just expect them to come over whenever and be okay with it. I hated not knowing if I had to deal with them or not and it was awful.
Yes I was consulted. Here is
Yes I was consulted.
Here is something to think about. Maybe you can relate, maybe not.
Share time: Years ago bm tried like heck to maintain a fly by the seat of her pants schedule. SHE called dh "unwilling to be flexible". aka yanking my dh chain and making him JUMP when she said JUMP.
It would take 1week and 6days for her to confirm the court ordered schedule of EOW (ofcourse) It was a total nightmare. That s*** went on for years. Such chaos was the norm because of her.
This was PRE Step Talk and we really thought we were alone.
It took a Therapist to testify in court that schedules ARE important. Children need a schedule they can count on. You have a work schedule, there are schedules at school, Doctors, Churches.. There are schedules for court.
Schedules are important for us all.
I couldn't deal with not
I couldn't deal with not being consulted about schedules. To each his own I guess,.
So you're just a bed warmer
So you're just a bed warmer when he doesn't have anything better to do? I would leave him in a heart beat. I don't do part time relationships where I have no say.
Soooooo, am I the only one
Soooooo, am I the only one thinking that the OP is just one of several women this man is involved with? :?
RIGHT?!?!?!
RIGHT?!?!?!
Yeah I thought the same
Yeah I thought the same thing. A double life :jawdrop: