1st- You shouldn't have opposite sex friends that your spouse doesn't know.

2nd- ANY friend that tried to drive a wedge in a marriage needs to go.

3rd- You should never let yourself be alone in situations with an opposite sex friend.

I have lots of opposite sex friends. My best friend in the world is a guy. My SO knows him well, me and my friend don't do things without our significant others- because it is in appropriate. There is no threat and there is no insecurity because we don't allow any space for that to ever be considered.

I have a few guy friends that I see and talk to. SO has met all but one of them, but he lives in another country and I haven't seen him for years but we do stay in contact over the phone. I tell SO when I talk to them if he is not with me.

There hasn't been a time that has come up that I would hang out with them by myself. SO wouldn't have a problem with it, but I always have more fun when he is there anyway.

I think some people are fully capable of having platonic relationships with people of the opposite sex, by not putting themselves in situations that jeopardize their current relationship or marriage.

Some people’s commitment to another is fulfilling enough to not allow themselves to be a target for flirting, teasing, or inappropriately speaking about one’s partner that isn’t present in the same room.

It’s all about being self-aware and not putting yourself in predicaments you wouldn’t want your significant other to willingly place them self in, out of respect and love to you.

Like I said, I think some people are totally capable of having 100% platonic relationships with the opposite sex.

Most of my guy friends are gay friends. I made sure they knew my husband well when we married. I loved him, I loved them, why wouldn't I bring them all together?

So, why hasn't this platonic friend met the partner? My guess is the platonic "friend" relationship doesn't lend itself to a full-on relationship with the couple. I know that game. I used to pull that game myself!!! It's a great way to keep several on a hook when you're not that invested in the romantic relationship you're in.

I think as women, we tend to know when I guy is interested in us as people versus us as potential conquest or romantic interest. So I'm suggesting the half of the couple you mentioned probably already knows if the platonic friendship is detrimental to his or her romantic relationship.

(About to sound like my mother here...) Nothing good can come from maintaining a platonic relationship that is divisive to a romantic relationship.

(I am assuming no one in this couple is a jealous, control freak who won't allow any relationships outside the couple.)

I was a tomboy. MOST of my friends from childhood are men. Aside from my sister (who is my BFF), I didn't make any long-lasting female friendships until I started high school. I have numerous female ACQUAINTANCES from before high school, but none who are close/good friends.

My male friends call me A Man's Woman. By that, they mean I am one of the guys. They don't act differently around me or treat me differently than the other 'guys'. I am the ONLY female who is invited to "GUY" events. My DH has met MOST of them. These are my oldest friends and we get together 2-4 times a year. DH has no problem with it. BTW, there is and never was any flirting or inappropriate behavior. We're simply friends who happen to be the opposite sex.

What if you had same-sex friends who are homosexual? Would it be a concern??

My best friend is a guy. A straight guy. He comes over to visit and we giggle like school children, but he's "just" my friend. When and if I share things about my relationship with him he gives me solid advice and who he sides with depends on, well the situation. If I tell him my SO did something that PO'd me, he will respond in one of two ways:

A. It's a guy thing-then will try at length with diagrams to try to help me understand SO's behavior

or

B. No what SO did is not cool and you're not crazy.

It's a pretty even split. Now, if I was constantly complaining to my BFF about how horrible my SO was treating me (like I have in the past with ex-boyfriends) he would lead the lynch mob for the guy's balls.

In sum, no, just because someone has a friend of the opposite sex does not automatically mean there are ulterior motives. There may be in your situation, but it's not automatic. Please also take under advisement that if a friend, any friend male OR female hears only bad things about a SO, they yeah, they're going to lean pretty heavily one way-which could be because the friend is trying to break up the couple, or the person is only sharing stories/venting about the bad parts of a relationship to their friend, causing the friend to have poor view of the SO. If the latter is the case, then you should be questioning either yourself or your SO's actions and what they are telling this friend.

My BFF does visit when SO isn't here. Sometimes I visit him when his fiancé isn't home. Sometimes, I just go hang out with his fiancé (because she rocks) and run into my BFF (which he still finds weird-I tell him I like her better and I'm trading him in). Other times we all hang out together.

As far as going out of your way to congratulate someone, let me put it this way, I would invite my BFF to my bachelorette party. And he would have a blast. Some people just jive better with the opposite sex.

I don't think it's inappropriate to have opposite sex friends. But if the friend isn't a friend of the MARRIAGE too (meaning doesn't support the marriage or wants something more than a friendship or otherwise does harm to the marriage), then that's a problem.

I've never had a male friend who didn't end up confessing he wanted a relationship. I generally don't believe those friendships work for people in committed relationships. The only opposite sex friendships I trust in most situations are with someone who is gay. And most of the examples you listed, OP- not acceptable. Maybe the cookies...if it were a family friend.

While not necessarily an issue it certainly injects some risk into the marital situation IMHO. My wife and I actually encourage each other to have friends that are not necessarily our joint friends. Over time these friends usually progress from being my friend or my bride's friend to being OUR friend.

My brides adult life BFF is a man. I have never taken issue with that. Though in the interest of full disclosure... he is gay. Over the years we have become very close with he and his husband. On an interesting note.... his husband recently shared with the four of us over wine and dinner that if he were not gay he would want either Shania Twain or .... my wife. :jawdrop: That was interesting dinner conversation let me tell you. But.... how can I take exception to that? I want my wife too. And were I to find myself single again ... certainly Shania Twain would be a candidate.

I have several very close female friends myself. Over the course of our marriage most of them have also become close friends of my wife.

I think the difference in our situation and the one you originally posted is that none of these friendships is a secret. It is the secret nature of your original post that is most disturbing and that represents the greatest risk to the marriage.