No matter how tough you are, a relationship with someone so lacking in empathy will take a serious toll on your mental health. Your DoucheyHusband and his DoucheySpawn are arseholes, and you deserve better. If I were you I would get out sooner rather than later.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, your DH doesn't seem like much of a caretaker. I'd suggest that you hire someone to come in for at least part of the day to help you out. A friend, relative or someone from Craigslist. Heck, work is slow lately so I'd come over.

Get better and totally focus on you now. Order in if you need to, leave things undone, binge watch TV, do whatever to take care of you.

Best

I hear in your posts that you aren't sure what's real in your read of him and what's not. I know that feeling. Don't bother judging it now. You'll have more clarity when you're not so compromised. Judge it later.

When my dog was actively dying, my husband left me to have lunch with SD. My friends just happened to drop in that day and we took my dog to the vet to be euthanized. It's a betrayal by my husband that I'll never forgive. Your situation seems similar.

I'm thinking it's *possible* your husband is no good in a crisis and your medical situation may have him scared and unsure. Add in the trouble with SD and it's hard to decipher what he's thinking. I'm not defending him. But my father was at his worst when someone died and the family was grieving - violent, uncaring, angry. When my mother is ill now, he falls apart, but is so capable and steady otherwise.

It doesn't matter what the cause - your husband isn't there for you. Use the anger that generates to pull your resolve and be there for yourself. You don't need him. He's not the damn surgeon. You'll get through this and be better than you were and then you can sort out the rest. I know it's hard dealing with all this when you're down, but concentrate on getting your strength back and focus on being there for yourself and not worrying about him or SD. We forget how strong we are on our own and that in even the best relationships, we might find ourselves alone in a crisis. You can do this. And when you do it alone, you'll realize you're stronger than you thought. Nothing that feels as good as that. There's a little saying I like to remember in these situations...the best revenge is happiness.

I’m contemplating divorce too and I know how lonely you must feel. Big hugs xx

Hugs to you!!!!

I hope you feel better soon, and I echo the above - focus on YOU. With everything thats going on for you emotionally, its hard to figure out the right course, but let your body heal, before making any decisions.

Even under the most perfect of conditions and with the most understanding and empathetic of people, what you are going through is hard. Many folks simply avoid those who are medically compromised. Because of fear.

Prayers for a speedy recover.

I went through this very thing with DH earlier on in our marriage. I fell down some steps, managed with help to get in my car, crawled up the steps to get into the house. DH downplayed everything, wouldn't help - told me it was just a minor sprain. A week and 1/2 later I finally drove myself to the urgent care clinic. Broken leg. I was so angry when I got home. I said to DH, "Don't ever get sick or incapacitated!" Then I told everyone what he did - even in front of him. At that point I didn't care if he got mad or not - he had no right to.

Last year I had to have shoulder surgery. He was an angel.

Don't be silent. Let friends and family know you need help. Embarrass the s**t out of DH. If he doesn't change his outlook after that, he isn't worth staying with.

Hugs depressed. I’m sorry these are your circumstances right now. Honestly, my DH would be sleeping on the porch if he ever called me a bitch. That’s just not acceptable. You deserve better and to be treated with respect.

I agree with the others suggesting counseling.

I had a hysterectomy a few years ago. It is a MAJOR surgery. It took me weeks and weeks to feel better. I went back to work after 4 weeks and my boss was like, " holy SH*T" you look bad, go home". I lost something like 10 pounds and my belly was so swollen it was like having a basketball in it.

Aside: hystersisters is a great website for support/knowledge about all things hysterectomy, including a$$hole partners.

What I am trying to say is this has nothing to do with your hormones. Your DH (dickbag Husband) is being an A$$. You need help, support, and time to heal. You should not be bending over, lifting anything heavier than a gallon of milk, and if you still have stitches, you DEFINITELY should not be driving. When you are able to move again, kick him for me and then again for you.

Hi lady,

It was not the lunch that bothered you, my bet. This was a time he knew he needed to make you a continual short term priority and he could not even give that to you. He made her a priority at a time-- you needed him, as even the doctor had stated to both of you. Of course we understand you would be incredibly hurt and your DH is an insensitive piece of work. He lacks empathy and, like most our husbands, figures you will always be there, so why not make the daughter happy who likely punishes him severely if she is ever told no by dadddeee. I say, paybacks are...h,,ll. You see one day, daddeee will get sick and then maybe he needs a little tough love by you too. Women are nurturers by nature and this is hard to do, but DH needs to see what t feels like to be left all alone in sickness too. HE has no argument now. Use it.

You have every right to cry (f daddeee). You have every right to be upset and not speak to daddeeee. You have these rights, and daddeee cannot take your rights away from you even if he threatens you, calls you names and continues to bully you. You look out for you, you see who he looks out for, huh? The thing is, what goes around, comes around, and one day daddeee is going to need you to feed him and wipe his a..ss, among many other disgusting things that married people do for each other. It is only a matter of time!

Calling you a b, is abusive. You need to remind him you will not live with an abuser. Being angry is one thing, but name calling at an abusive level means the game is over. Do not take this nastiness and, do not engage in it. If he does not stop, as soon as you can get on your two feet and dry your tears, so find the meanest nastiest divorce attorney in town and tell him to let is daughter wipe is a..ss, you are done.

You hang in there lady, but kind to yourself, find your support somewhere else to get you through this sickness-- if needed; obviously, you cannot trust him to be in your court when you need him. And, no more lifting groceries, there is delivery now---spend HIS money on it, and do it.

I have noticed my husband can be empathic, but if he feels the wrath of his DD, his empathy for me completely dries up, nada. Your SD is stirring the pot too, because she wants you to remain engaged to keep the nastiness going her way; the goal is to ruin your marriage by her. Most of these selfish, jealous women, decide that is the both their short term and long term goal and then start creating their strategic plans to make it happen. The best thing you can do is stay away from her, say nothing about her, erase her from your life and tell him to say nothing about her to you, ever. Try to live by those rules. If he goes to be with her, then you find something to do that is fun. But never engage in conversation about her positive or negative.

Just remember and accept, your husband it the only person who can make them respect you. If he is not man enough, and many, many are not; including my own, then YOU have to make them respect you; that includes your DH. You have no choice but to disengage at that point, you protect yourself, control you, and minimize your misery then...LOL

I'm so sorry you're going through this! That is major surgery and is no joke! I can't imagine how alone, unloved, unwanted and horrible you must feel. I agree with the above posters to be kind to yourself, heal and then decide what you're going to do and how you're going to do it. Vent away here, we're here for you and rooting for you. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Keep copies and document of all her insults written or stated (even if never used),-- somewhere in a place not accessible to him; you never know when your attorney might need it one day. Many ladies here have wisely documented their step kids nastiness (some step adults are really, really stupid, writing on FB about the SM's, including mine). Alienation of affection applies to step adults and DH's collusion, so get you a file started, and keep it outside of your house--just in case you need it one day; and it puts you back in the driver's seat of your own life.

Remember, always protect yourself....he will not do it for you.

The beauty of the cell phone age is that you can call a locksmith to rekey the locks, order groceries for delivery, and purge this asshole and his toxic spawn from your life all with pushing a few buttons.

Take care of you. Having this dickhead and his toxic spawn in your life can't be healthy for you.

Good luck and my fondest wishes to you for a quick recovery.