SD 17 Lazy

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I have a now 17 year old girl in the house. She really is a pretty good kid overall. Good grades, doesn't run around, etc. I believe her mother has completely manipulated her and has her believing she doesn't has to follow my house rules. She doesn't pick up after herself, she doesn't help cook or clean. I get told what she needs from the store, never goes shopping with us. I have no idea how she will be able to do anything when she goes to college. If I want her bedding washed (it stinks!) I have to tell her father and he tells her to do it. He has to tell her everything. I can't seem to say a word in my own home.

I am ready to move out until she graduates and goes to college. I am sick and tired of not having a voice here. It would be tight. But I think we can afford it. I don't think I have the right to demand her to live with her mother. It isn't a good situation with her drug addict 23 year old brother living with mommy dearest.

I own the car she drives. If I leave or she moves in with mom i take the car. Her dad, my husband of nearly 5 years doesn't like conflict. So he is super easy on her and I know he won't tell her to move out. Our court system is very one sided, so child support would be more expensive than my moving out!!

I don't think I can deal with her anymore. And I find my husband to be weak since he won't do anything about her.

I recommend salting her bed,

I recommend salting her bed, that should get her to wash her sheets.

wow...it seems youve already

wow...it seems youve already aknowledged you cant live like this- at least you have a realization of what you can and cannot tolerate.
talk to your DH and see if you can arrange new expectations of sd...when ss stb18 moved in he did/does absolutely nothing- not a bleeping thing...part of the reason asides from being born lazy...was no consequences/expectations of him while here.
perhaps that may be the problem.
like you, i will not and cannot support or tolerate an adult that does nothing whom i will be forced to house and feed until he decides he wants to grow up...i too am prepared to leave...currently, ss is at bms going on almost the 3rd week and my life has improved...hoping he stays...i have told SO- i dont want him back...hope you get a resolution soon .

Try taking her phone and the

Try taking her phone and the car keys away from her. When she begins to squeal, tell her the expectations of being a household member and how she can earn the privileges back.

She lives with you. You are the adult. You have a voice, find it and use it. Your other option is, your DH can be her maid. If he doesn't feel his daughter should have to do anything around the home and be an active participant in the smooth running of a home, meh, then he can do his share and his daughter's too.

Tell her once to step up.

Tell her once to step up. When she doesn't... don't feed her, take the car, and let her learn real quick that her crappy attitude returns unpleasant results.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Since daddy has no testicular fortitude that leaves applying the consequences to you. If he doesn't like how you parent and discipline.. he can step up and get it done before you have to.

Good luck.

I have a 17.5 year old SD who

I have a 17.5 year old SD who is exactly the same. Lounges around in bed for hours, never offers to lift a finger to help with anything, constantly asks for crap that we don't eat from the grocery store...even though she has a job and a car and could easily get it herself.

Thank goodness she doesn't live here full time.

My SD17 is also lazy. She

My SD17 is also lazy. She doesn’t have a job (she claimed she applied for a few but never followed through with the interviews). In my opinion she is following in the footsteps of her mother who refuses to work. She can lay in bed all day from when she wakes up at around noon to dinner time, just texting, FaceTiming, and sending instagrams. It drives me crazy. The only thing that interests her are: clothes, makeup, and drama. She whines over the smallest of chores (like taking the trash out), and leaves her room a mess.

Why can't you say anything in

Why can't you say anything in your own home? Your husband can either be a parent and make his daughter do what's right and follow the rules, or he can deal with your wrath. Stop letting her use your car, stop buying stuff for her, stop pandering to the both of them.

My DH doesn't like conflict, either...with me. So, when I told SD to pick up after herself, my husband backed me, and she picked up after herself. I do not like things just lying about, puts me in a really bad mood.

When my SD moaned about having to clean and vacuum her room (which was spotless upon her arrival), before she left on her weekends, DH told her it was her room, her mess, clean it.

She is 26, now, and you should see her apartment. It.is.gross. But when DH would call her, she would say she was cleaning, every time. Yeah, right. She is a slob.

Once again on the boards,

Once again on the boards, people who let other people walk over them and then vent about it.
They can’t say no themselves, but expect others to do it

When the "others" are the

When the "others" are the problematic person's parent? Yes, weirdly enough, many of us believe parents should be the ones telling their kids, "No" when they do something irresponsible. If you don't like the vents posted here, you don't have to read them. There are plenty of websites where people support the thought that parents don't have to tell their kids no, and they expect everyone else in the world to just deal with their little shit weasels.

LOL. Well said.

This...this was my situation

This...this was my situation the only difference is my SD doesn't have good grades and IS out running around drunk every night. DH hates conflict so he never made any rules for her. if she did have rules and she broke them nothing was done about it. He would actually lie to me to cover for her. He is finally getting a backbone with his ex but he still doesn't have one with SD. We fought constantly when she was over. Every week when it was time for her to come over I was instantly in a bad mood. I too contemplated many times moving in with my parents when she was over just so I didn't have to live with her. However it was MY house. DH and SD moved into my house. Why should I let a spoiled no good brat live in my house while I slept in my parents spare bedroom. I finally had enough and started sticking up for myself, my house, my rules. I think DH finally realized I was serious. SD moved out on her 18th birthday and our household has never been so peaceful.

DH and I got into it last

DH and I got into it last night. He doesn't understand why I let petty things bother me. Seriously. When I have tried to talk to her about stuff she walks away from me. Reinforces to me that mommy dearest tells herr she doesn't have to listen to me. I think when she is 18 she will not stay with us anymore. She is with us all but two days a week. Her mother doesn't take weekends off. So we have her all the time.

DH and I got into it last

seriously, this is not so

seriously, this is not so bad, you simply have to take control back for you Hon, disengage....

then she drives a car belonging to you, not a problem, take away the keys and sell the car, reason being, why would you help her if she can't help you, why would you respect her if there's no respect for you? Sorry little girl BM can buy you a car, not my job.

she does not clean after herself, another easy one to solve, cloths books her things in the living room, tell her once please remove it and tidy up, she will ignore you, after and hour you simply trash everything, but if you are not like me, black bag it, hide it and she must work to get it back

messing in the kitchen and not cleaning, who cares, ignore it till DH comes home and tell him to clean it... they get tired of playing maid to their slob teenage girls and then they will demand them to do something and the fight will be between bio parent and child, you are excluded, sit back and enjoy a bowl of popcorn lol..

http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html

Dang I felt like I was

Dang I felt like I was reading a post that I wrote :O I have one that's the same age but when dad is around she acts like a 10 year so he believes she can't do anything for herself and he will do it for her.
The way I see it, if she is old enough to move out of the house (unfortunately it was only for a month until the friend she was living with got tired of her s**t), have sex with boys and girls :jawdrop: ,smoke dope and drive a car...she is damn sure old enough to wash dishes and clean up after herself.
Last night I cleaned the kitchen, no dishes in the sink, and opened the faucet so the pipes wouldn't freeze and went to bed. This morning there was a sink full of dishes and "somebody" had turned off the faucet so our pipes were frozen. I got all over my husband's ass even though I'm sure she is to blame. That is what I do...I go after him for things she does and that is hard on our relationship I'm sure. I used to not say anything but I'm done with that. I can not stand a lazy POS who thinks they can get away with everything.

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