From bad to worse
So, christmas was ... interesting.
Is this the same for everyone?!! The SKids come over and ruin the whole atmosphere.
Just venting -
SD18 ruined a perfectly civil day by being an A**hole - so nothing new there.
She (and SD16) didn’t get a card, nevemind, a gift for DH. Not so much a thanks - and he piles presents on them like some sort of chump. I can feel my self losing a little bit of respect for him when he is being walked all over like this - is this just me? Am I being too harsh on him or do others feel the same?
Also sD18 decided she wanted to play some music for us all and chose a song about a man getting back with his ex - all this while SD16 was whispering to her ‘stop it, that’s not nice, stop it, I told you not to do that etc, she eventually stopped after smirking at me. She is such a manipulative bitch - I would go so far as to say I actually hate her. I couldn’t say anything as there was another 5 family members there and I didn’t want to be the one to cause the scene.
When I told DH - he said her behaviour is over the line and nasty and he will speak with her. I’ve said to him I’m not comfortable with her in my home.
He had the nerve to say it makes it more difficult to see them - So my feelings come below his discomfort at travelling!?!?!? I lost my temper very badly. I’m not putting up with this BS behaviour anymore - for 2018 there’s going to be one rule in my home - it’s my way or the highway. Enough is enough.
My christmas with steps was
My christmas with steps was weird to. My SS talked about circle jerk and thought it was funny. SD ruined having everyone together this year because she is having issues. And I could go on and on but why. This is how I survive life as a SM. I give what I get. If you are nice to me I will be nice to you. If you are rude to me go find someone else to be rude to because I just walk way. I consider myself a true outsider and love being one. It is the only way to deal with steps that have no manners,class and respect for anyone or anything.
Queensway - I too would now
Queensway - I too would now describe myself as an outsider.
It really saddens me - I find myself in tears some days because of it. I had a difficult childhood with various types of abuse - for which I have been through counselling and cope well the majority of the time.
I thought (stupidly?) that I felt like a had found a home with my DH - but being made to feel like I don’t belong again brings back the old feelings of being an outsider within your own ‘family’.
When I spoke to DH - he accused me of being the only one in the family who complains and doesn’t get along - not surprising as I’m the only one being subjected to abuse.
Awwww, blindside....damn, I
Awwww, blindside....damn, I know that hurts. I had a hard childhood and I, too, thought that finally I had found a family with DH, so I know just what you mean. I don't know that I will ever be anything but the outsider as I am not the first family (bleh!!!) and therefore float around looking for my spot and that is just how I feel sometimes.
Thankfully, DH has a family that loves me and I love them. I still have those loner feelings and DH will never have my back so I am assured they (the feelings) will always be around a bit but I am now working only on how much I love and respect myself without needing DH until I am done with this stupidness....
Keep working on making your home YOUR home...be strong with that...
Abusive childhood too; it
Abusive childhood too; it seems pretty common. I lost my only sibling also. I so excited about marrying into what I thought was a nice family. LOL! It did not take long for the relational aggression to start. I was shocked that two women approaching 30 would behave like they were still in high school. And years later, they still do.
DH made the mistake one time of saying my reaction to things was because of my bad childhood. I told him I dealt with those issues long ago and my problems were now in the present - SDs trying to drive a wedge in my marriage and him sticking his head in the sand because he was afraid of his children. He didn't make that comment again.
If there's anything good to come out of a bad background, it strength. I no longer care that SDs view me as an inconvenience to them. It doesn't change the fact that I am still married to their dad.
So sorry Thebindside, you
So sorry Thebindside, you don’t deserve that! You are totally justified feeling the way you do, and some. These children are well old enough to be accountable for their behavior which was just plain mean, and your DH needs to stand up and set the boundaries of what will and will not be tolerated. You have a right to feel peace, comfort, and security in your own home!!! If DH won’t firmly stand up against their behavior, he is sending a message that it’s ok and acceptable. In that case, tell him total disengagement will be your only alternative.
My DH has two grown children in their 20’s, one is a parent with a family of her own. The SD and DH are recently estranged because of her demand to leave me. He refused so she estranged herself. There is minimal contact with his son. But without fail, every birthday DH ever had since I have been with him, every Father’s Day, and every Christmas, neither have ever given him so much as a card or gift. He was lucky if he got a text, but oh they were the first to want stuff from daddy! DH made the choice to stop giving because he got tired of being walked all over and feeling used. Another reason for SD decision to estrange herself I am sure. I hope your DH gets a handle on this soon because I fear it will get much worse. Does he lavish them with gifts due to guilty father syndrome?
I feel for you and am so sorry you were treated like that!
I feel like DH has let me
I feel like DH has let me down badly on his occasion - as in other occasions, so I don’t know why I feel surprised? Why was I expecting something different this time??
He is very much the guilty parent - buys things that a too expensive and unnecessary at a younger age. Lots of extravagant holidays abroad - they are really the textbook spoilt brats. But to be fair to SD16 - who is mature for her age - after she worked through her severe anxiety she is actually a kind and thoughtful person. Unfortunately SD18’s photo you could cut and paste into the dictionary for spoilt brat of divorce. Only person who doesn’t see this is DH - who ends up enabling very poor behaviour and decisions.
Lately, she has treated fine badly too - so hopefully he will get a taster of what everyone is else is having to put up with and it will open his eyes.
I’m still shocked - I’ve never met anybody who is so greedy and entitled
I’m really starting to dislike her as a person - if it wasn’t for dH she is not the type of person I would ever choose to have in my life.
If you are expecting
If you are expecting something different from your husband it may never happen. I feel for you. I used to feel the same way. My husband still doesn't think his kids do anything wrong. I call it his blind eye and lack of hearing. He see's and hears what he wants. Reality is off the table when it comes to his kids. That is why I love being a outsider. I can't live in his world as far as his kids go. Don't feel sad, feel lucky that you are not like them.
There are to many other things in my wonderful life that don't include the steps.
Next time she wants to play
Next time she wants to play you a song play this one for her. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEwWPjwp67M
I really love these words!!!
I really love these words!!! Perfect! Thank you
Awesome I played this for my
Awesome I played this for my DH!
Blindside, I think you just
Blindside, I think you just got your sight back!
There's no reason your husband can't endure his brats off your turf next Christmas. He can see them elsewhere and you won't have to take their shite in your own home. Everyone's happy! When you are not there to witness him showering gifts on them and getting nothing in return, your respect for him won't be as affected. Eventually, it will be a non-issue. Trust me, move the festivities out of your space and you'll be happier!
So they don't get him gifts, but you can't do anything about that. They aren't your kids. That's between him and them. You make the holidays special between you and your husband and let him have a separate, albeit disappointing, relationship with them.
You're starting 2018 off right! Don't give in on this. I am much happier now that I don't sit like a sphinx every holiday watching my husband's dysfunctional relationship with SD unfold!
I feel your pain. I cannot
I feel your pain. I cannot stand being in the same room as my SD19. She is a compulsive liar and manipulating bitch. Not only did she ruin our Christmas day she also ruined what was supposed to be a restful 2 weeks off from my very stressful job. She is still on punishment for her latest stunt. The only thing I can say to you is be very thankful she does not live with you! Mine lives in MY HOUSE full time (no BM involved). So I have to see her face everyday. Stand your ground! Enough is enough!