Childfree Thanksgivings From Here On Out!
My lawyer is finally filing for divorce this week. I should be completely free of this woman by early January...oh, but it was NOT without a price...
Having been married under 3 years I made what both I and my lawyer felt was a generous offer (about $12K plus payment of her pre-marriage schooling along with her personal credit card, totaling about $18k). I knew I wasn't on the hook for any child support since the kids were never mine to begin with (although I covered their medical insurance, dental, all that) but I wanted to do the right thing and make sure she was off to a good start with the kids, to help her get back on her feet and save us the trouble of fighting it out in court...WELL............
She decided that amount wasn't good enough and she went to see her own lawyer who probably told her that she could get more from me if she held out signing the divorce papers because I would end up paying more to an attorney...whatever...we settled on $18K plus the debt payments. BUT, she's not touching my retirement (that hasn't vested yet) or anything else.
But of course the REAL reason she wants the money is not for her kids, whom by the way, she is dragging across the country to the city where their BD happens to be, but ALSO, there is the flagship temple dedicated to her sick, megalomaniac, cult-leader guru in India, is that she fully intends to high tail it to India for her "enlightenment" trip with the rest of his sycophants. She won't admit it to me, but I know, as well as her family, that is fully what she intends to do. So I guess I ended up funding this scam of a trip anyway, but what the hell--freedom isn't free...
Here's where I feel bad. The kids, I fear, are really going to suffer. SD is already not doing well (see ODD diagnosis from last couple of my posts) and while she's excited to see BD and be in his life again, he is dating a woman (who seems to be very nice and very much have it together) who has a 6-yr old son. The son calls BD "dad." So SD is is going into this thinking she's going to be back with BD and all is great but she's really walking into another situation that most certainly will aggravate the emotional and behavioral problems she already has. SS should be okay. It will affect him, but he's more of a free spirit, so he'll adapt.
I also feel bad because I truly have disengaged from the kids. I had to for self-preservation. And also because I needed soon to be EX-DW to understand that she is primarily responsible for her own kids and that I can't be used as a doormat anymore.
Now that I've paid her her money, she isn't spending it as freely as she did when she was blowing through my whole paycheck. Her true colors really came out when she accused me of not caring about her children. I noticed that she didn't once mention anything about our marriage or our relationship--she made the whole thing about her kids, which really demonstrated that this woman did not care about me, my feelings, or my needs at all. My purpose was to bend the knee and pay for her and her children. I know that now and it still stings...
But, I digress. I'm spending the Thanksgiving holiday with good friends of mine in another city ALONE. CHILDFREE. From hereon out. And it is going to be wonderful.
I hope all of you bio-childfree steps out there get some well-earned rest, relaxation and respect. But hell, I know the drill. At least go get drunk and try not to dry out the turkey!
Congratulations. Some
Congratulations. Some relationships are not meant to be.
I'd say for your own mental
I'd say for your own mental health, keep any communication with her to a minimum and don't give her a chance to say any more nasty things. Likely this is already what you are doing. In my breakup experience, it is always best to just go no contact asap. Those kids are not going to be in your life any more so no point in having anxiety about their future.
We are all naturally curious as to "what happened next" in our ex's life, but usually if we are honest with ourselves, that is so we can justify our own choices. I find it better to just stop thinking about them after the papers are signed. No social media, no follow up calls, no triangulation via mutual friends.
Thank you, everyone. I think
Thank you, everyone. I think I'm entering the sadness phase here. We are splitting our assets and selling our household belongings. It's sad to see it all go, sad to think of what could have been...but then I think about all the bull I've been put through: neglect from my spouse, always being last on the priority list, her child-centric parenting style, expected to be the sole provider when spouse is perfectly capable of working and the whole cult thing--helps to keep it in perspective. It is sad, it's sad that she destroyed our marriage and it's sad that she'll never see it. It's sad that the kids are going to have rough lives, but again, I probably won't see them much and I've accepted that.
I know I dogged a bullet, or at least dislodged it from my heart, but that wound still aches sometimes.
Please take yourself on a
Please take yourself on a trip and enjoy yourself. You could throw a dart on a singles cruise ship bar and hit somebody better for you..
You made me laugh and almost
You made me laugh and almost spit my coffee out! Thank you for that response, I needed it.
My soon to be ex is now experiencing the severity and hardship of her choices...she's incredibly angry at me (takes no responsibility for her own role and actions, which got us to where we are in the first place) and believes that I'm the cause of all of her suffering. I do feel bad for this woman and a part of me wishes she would come to her senses but she won't. In the long run I'll be better off.
Don't be alone with her, she
Don't be alone with her, she could try to have you arrested, just for fun.
Lol... We had 2
Lol...
We had 2 thanksgivings
One for friends-one for family
Everybody needs time to adult
Congrats tho on being rid of golddiger
However: It is ok to be there for Skids if you were close. Run it by lawyer first though(precaution ....)
Oh dear God, thankfully there
Oh dear God, thankfully there is less than a week remaining where we have to be under the same roof. Last night I literally thought the ex was going to hit me and I locked my bedroom door because I didn't feel safe. I was upstairs working until around 9:00pm and heard what sounded like a bunch of basket balls being hurled against the wall for 45 minutes. I walk downstairs to check it out and SD is doing gymnastics in the living room, which breaks a steadfast rule of no jumping or gymnastics in the house except for the basement. I pointed this out to the ex and her response was "those are your rules not mine." So ex is teaching SD to disregard other adults and also still undermining my authority (which she always has). I pointed out that according to the divorce decree which ex signed, I am the owner of the house and SD still has to follow rules and be respectful. SD freaks out and starts screaming that she'll do gymnastics in the house if she wants to and went right back to doing flips.
I then yelled "STOP IT!" at her and the ex freaked the hell out and got in my face and was screaming at me that I can't talk to SD like that and she doesn't like me anyway and she doesn't have to respect me. I said I absolutely will not tolerate disrespect in my home anymore and ex screamed at me again. I asked her if she was going to hit me and she said "I don't know." I told her that if she does I will have her arrested.
SD started yelling at me and then the ex allowed her to start throwing things at me. The ex tried to slam a kitchen door in my fact and was screaming at me to get out of the home that I solely pay for and always have. It was terrifying.
So honestly, I would like to keep the door open for my SS in the future, but as far as SD is concerned, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and she will grow up to be a narcissistic, self-serving, irrational individual, just like her mother. I have no desire to maintain a relationship with her.
That's when you document and/
That's when you document and/ or call police. Restraining orders are also a thing.(just sayin' ....--u are already retaining a lawyer.. )
I know you just want to quietly exit and I respect that however it seems to be beyond that.
This just confirms (again)
This just confirms (again) why I'm never getting married. I know not all marriages end in turmoil (my parents are living examples of the perfect marriage), but I'm not a gambling man. I wish you all the best. Enjoy a life of being yourself and free from this bullshit. Ex wife can go suck her own tits.