Kid needs to learn to recognize a rejection and value himself. He's worth more than having to beg someone to like him. Maybe DH can take him out for a father/son day and have a chat?

Not your circus; not your monkeys. Let your DH and BM handle it. If your DH asks for any suggestions, tell him what SOABM said.

I have a blog about how SS15 was addicted to porn. He didn't just watch a few vids to get the job done. He watched it hour after hour after day upon dayssssssss.

Like your SS, he watched it on his phone and tablet. Now he has a basic 9-key phone and an Amazon tablet (BM2 bought it for him) but it has built in parental controls. He can only access games and music. No internet. Ever.

I did explain to SS that having sexual urges is normal. Wanting to look at naked women is normal. The part I had a problem with is that it was literally taking over his life and that's ALLLLL he wanted to do. That's not normal.

Is your DH going to have a chat with his son?

Time to make sure he knows everything about sex, reproduction, consent, sti’s, birth control.....

Also time mom and dad learnt how to restrict his access on any internet devices he has access to.

It is probably normal at his age to start to be curious about sex, it is just that sexual content is so much more readily available these days. Making him aware of the difference of porn (made by actors to showcase usually unrealistic fantasies) and real life sex with a consenting and affectionate partner as well as going over how some porn can dehumanize women would also be good topics of conversation.

At the end of the day he may get access to this material from other sources even if it is restricted at home. Good open and honest conversations and education in both homes will help to ensure that he develops a healthy attitude towards sex and help him to resist having sex until he is more mature and ready.

It's super young but I also think that it's normal, healthy curiosity. Also, you have to keep in mind that googling a simple phrase like "puberty for boys" or "boobs" can lead them down a rabbit hole into porn. And of course they will sneak a peek!! I agree with the previous poster about making sure its natural curiosity and making sure it doesn't consume their life or set their expectations for sex. It's a very, good thing that BM called to discuss with your SO. There are also a number of books on Amazon that discuss sex in all ways from simple terms to in-detail descriptions of the different type of sex, dating and even sexting. Good luck! This is a hard stage, we're just entering it ourselves :sick:

SS (11 almost 12) has one friend who likes to think he is a hit with the ladies. This friend follows Japanese animation porn sites on twitter and loves to chat away about inappropriate things online - he streams video games online. So, I know this friend has seen porn and bet he's shown it to SS, too.

I showed DH some of the offending clips, where SS was playing a video game with this friend and talking all about "smashing girls" and "getting hard". His friend even made a joke along the lines of, "you know what's big? my dick is too big to fit in a girl's pussy." DH said something to SS about how he needed to be careful about what he said online, telling him he needed to be respectful of women, and asking him to explain some of the terms he used (to see how much he understood). SS got embarrassed and ran off and hid in our yard and called BM to take him home. BM told DH he was an a-hole, but I'm not sure if she realizes what her precious little cherub is doing online. DH has said things to her before about this friend (there was also an incident where this friend convinced SS to falsely accuse someone else of hitting him at school and BM threatened to sue the school, only to be shown the video of SS hitting himself in the face), but BM says "his mother used to be a teacher, so I'm fine with SS spending time with him." Not sure where this kid's mother taught, but there are pictures of her on FB - posted on her own profile - where she's flipping off the camera at Disney World, so she's a class act herself. This kid's older brother - who is 13 - was chatting online with his friend about how to hide the smell of vaping by going into the bathroom and pretending your taking a shower. All of these chats happen on public, freely available video game streaming sites.

I have SSs phones on lock down because when DH gave them smartphones, BM got mad (because they liked the phones more than her presents) and told DH she thought they were going to look at porn on the phones. After I put them under complete parental control, BM complained that they couldn't access certain apps...um, no, they can't because I put on the parental controls. Of course, parental controls only block so much, there are many ways porn can get through those. I'm sure at least one and maybe both SSs have watched some porn because they have completely private, unfettered access to the internet in their rooms. They are also regularly left home alone with their fifteen year old stepbrother who stays locked in his room all day, so I'm be willing to be he watches porn and they have likely seen it with him. BM is clueless.

My biggest concern with kids watching porn is how degrading it is to women. It's not that sex is a bad thing and being curious about sex is natural, but the thought of having their ideas about sex skewed by porn is what would cause me angst.

Some porn is downright degrading. Even soft porn or consensual porn is unhealthy for kids this age. I told my sons, real women aren't like porn. They want to be pleasured gently, and you can't take them out and use them when you feel like it and then just put them away when you are done.

SS16 is porn boy extraordinaire.  He spent every possible waking second watching it.  Literally wouldn't wash, change, eat, drink, stayed up until the early morning then went to school with 2-3 hours sleep.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  Had to take his smartphone away and lock the internet on his tablet and strict settings on his PS4.

I'd say feeling the sexual interest and urges is normal.  Back in the day, they could sneak peaks in their dad's playboy magazines.  Now it's a whole lot easier with internet placing everything at their fingertips.  Don't be too hard on him.  Assure him that his interest is normal.  However porn is not a realistic portrayal of relationships, sex, etc.  Explain what normal relationships are really like...age approrpriate of course.  He'll always be interested, just have to limit what he can find as best as possible.

Also I remember discovering my body's sexual "urges" around 10-11 so I don't think it's too young.  Just need to keep communication open and make sure he's educated properly.  Make sure he feels comfortable asking any questions he may have.  My own BS17 used to ask me all sorts of crazy and often embarrassing questions.  However I was always glad he'd ask me so he'd get good info as opposed to whatever b.s. from school/friends/online, etc.

11 is too young for a phone. Run over it with the car.  End of problem.  He can't surf porn and he can't stalk this uninterested girl.

Get him some help.  If he can't get this crap under control... he can wait until he has launched to get another phone.

We have friends whose eldest is in a state residential school for minors with sexual preditor histories. He may be in there until he is 21 if he doesn't engage in the efforts to correct his behaviors. He is 12.  He has been there for a year.  The latest update we got a few months ago is that he doesn't believe that there is anything wrong with what he is doing. It feels good. How could it be wrong.... he was mollesting other kids at school, his own younger brother at home, etc, etc, etc....

Break this cycle now with extreme action.  Before he hurts someone and destroys your family.

I would view this situation with alarm. Not sure what the laws are in your area, but it's not much of a stretch to interpret this boy's behavior as stalking. Given that the behavior you're aware of is probably the tip of the iceberg, he could be sending nude selfies to the girl. Again, depending on your local laws, this could be interpreted as trafficking in child porn. It's happened, for real.

Full disclosure: I am an old-fashioned anti-porn feminist--not the fun kind of feminist, as they say--so this whole topic steams me. Let's call it what it is--these fellas (including the sweet little boy mentioned in the OP's post) are whacking off to porn. This behavior is not much different from hiring a prostitute, inasmuch as the buyer is paying someone for a sexual performance intended to lead to orgasm. I would (and do) treat it with a similar level of disapprobation. And don't be naive--of course he's going to end up paying somehow for "free" porn. Pornographers are not in the charity business. Ick, ick, ick, and ICK all around.

I realize that whacking off to porn is nearly universal among males and that girls and women sometimes do it too. Let me say, though, that whacking off to porn is not a harmless "boys will be boys" activity. That is not simply me being a puritanical scold. If you have managed to escape awareness, allow me to protect your innocence by saying that the internet is flooded with images and vids that make the French post cards reviled by our grandmothers seem like missives from a sweet, bygone era. Hundreds of bonafide academic studies have demonstrated that "viewing" the porn so readily available today shapes attitudes and behavior for the worse. I know. I read those studies.

I am so glad that I no longer have kids at home to harangue and police on this matter. As to preaching, I don't have to bother with it any more. My 60+ DH is either uninterested or extremely discreet, it matters not which to me. I don't have to police, either, because my internet router is set up to go through Cisco Umbrella servers, which filter porn, gambling, and hate sites far more effectively than the software available from ISPs. I guard the Cisco settings like a junkyard dog. Look up their software. Great service, and it's free.

Anyway, I will reiterate what Rags said: Take the damn phone away from the kid. Then install and guard the Cisco Umbrella software on your router. At his age, he doesn't need a portable minature computer. And any age is the wrong age to be accessing porn.