I am NOT your friggin babysitter!
One of the biggest issues DH and I have is that he and his entire side (BM and GPILs) assume I am free child care for DSD9 bc I work FT remotely and am home all day with my infant son. IDK if you guys remember from before, but immediately after DS was born, they dropped DSD on my doorstep and she spent way more than her 50/50 time with us, which wrecked my postpartum time. WE've had multiple discussions lately about how I'm not free child care, and there's been some improvement but not much. I'm in the process of disengaging, and DH has noticed and is NOT happy about it.
She's out on thanksgiving break all this week. This is no surprise to DH, I've mentioned it, I wrote it on the calendar, we've been talking about it CONSTANTLY. I cannot have her home with me during the day while I work. We'll kill each other.
Last night I asked DH if he had a plan for her for today (tomorrow then). He said nope, I said well you better get one.
This morning, he gets up, leaves her in bed, and goes off to work. GPs are both working, BM is working, there's nobody to keep her...so he just left her here with me. What I really want to do is take her to his work and drop her off--bc in my super angry irrational mind, I feel like HE couldn't find childcare for HIS child, so HE should stay home from work with her--because that's what parents do when they can't find a sitter. Rationally, I know this will NEVER happen and probably borders on unreasonable...but what do I do about this? I mean, she's here. He's gone. I can't just un-do that--but I want to make absolutely sure that it DOES NOT happen again (she's out of school a whole month at christmas and I am not not not keeping her every day). How do I make this DH's problem instead of mine? Or is that even the right thing to do?
This is complicated because
This is complicated because you have gone ahead and made a baby with someone who thinks they now have you on a short leash. He sounds like a right jerk.
Although you are right to be angry, perhaps the best way to help your situation is to find some alternatives for her in your community like school break activities, a sports camp, or other camp that puts her there most of each day. Then give him the information. He may have no idea what to do with her either. Ask other working parents in your community, or perhaps a local teacher, what do they do in similar situations?
How did this more-than-50/50 develop in the first place? Did he volunteer you for the work? If he did, then he needs to man up and provide for her.
it should not be a problem to
it should not be a problem to DH, it's his child.... but yes it's a major problem to you..
Now when he comes home tonight you tell him, Hon, HEre's ,y invoice for the day playing babysitter, and you hand him an invoice, he needs to pay immediately. If he refuses you say, if you leave her here tomorrow again I will come and drop her off at your office, is that understood...
if he leaves her tomorrow you simply go and drop her off, you did warn him, if he pays the invoice then by all means, let him pay daily you are watching her... and if she gets snotty with you, you can always tell him in the evening , with her present.. Lovey, you pay me to watch her, either she listens to me or the deal is off and you have to make a plan....
His custody arrangement is
His custody arrangement is 50/50. We weren't living together (about an hour apart) yet when DS was born bc I was trying to sell my house, so bc he wanted to be around 100% of the time after birth, DSD had to come with him...unfortunately that meant that I had her all day most every day...alone. If he picked her up on Monday morning for MTW time, he dropped her with me and then went to work. I had her all 3 days plus all day Thursday until he got off work and could deliver her to her mom--who (understandably) refused to drive to me to get her and was LOVING the extra kid-free time at my expense. Then he would drive back to get her Saturday morning and I'd have her until Monday night when he got off work to take her back.
Plus, BM usually gives up one of her days every week anyway, and DH always wants her to come here instead of worrying about where BM will leave her, and they flop the arranged days at their convenience with no worry about any other schedule at all, so of the last 14 days we've had her 10. And now she's off for a week, everybody has to work, and BM will probably want to send her to GPs when it's her time...which means she'll end up here again bc THEY WORK TOO.
I can't find her any activities (I'm already looking for summer camp, believe me) bc we live in an extremely rural farming community, so other than vacation bible school there is absolutely nothing for her to do. She's a brat/bully to all her "friends" so she's not even welcome at their houses for a day.
I'm about ready to rent an apartment.
I work from home too,
I work from home too, thankfully my SS is now older and can mostly fend for himself with some verbal prompting. Before that though-good lord BM had me running like mad with school pick ups because "she wasn't going to be home for the bus" and blah blah blah.
People don't get that just because your work at home, doesn't mean you're "home" and a free agent.
I would make a few calls and set up paid care for her. Should he do it? Hell yes. But is he? Nope. So you do it for him. If he doesn't like it then he's got until this alternative care starts to figure so!etching out. Otherwise, she goes, unless of course he's going to stay home with her to make sure she doesn't go.
Find a teen on break and have
Find a teen on break and have HIM pay her to come to your house to watch SD while you work.
I would just get up before
I would just get up before him one morning, leave the house and stay out all day. Rinse and repeat until he has found someone else to care for the child- failing that he needs to find another job or pack it in and stay home to care for his child all day. I would not be an unpaid childminder for anyone.
My hubby did this to me years
My hubby did this to me years ago. I still get mad thinking about it.
Leave in the am with your son and don’t tell him. Put HIM in the same situation he puts you in. What he is doing is wrong. I had to take a stand back when this happened to me.
Be gone in the am. Come back after you know they left.
Since you work remote, is it
Since you work remote, is it possible for you to go work in ANOTHER location (coffee shop, shared offices, library)? Then you leave for work at the same time as your DH (or better yet, before), and he deals with his DD.
I could, but I've not tried
I could, but I've not tried it because the baby is 6 months old and not super great at being out in public for long stretches yet. I might could get two hours out of him, but then he'd have to have someplace to nap/roll around/whatever. He's a grumpy butt lol.
She's been laying on the couch all day dressed in something completely inappropriate and whining about every little thing. It's too cold (put some pants on), the baby is fussing, I bet you forgot to feed him, where's Daaaaaaaddeeeee, I'm booooored can I go to graaaaandmas? :sick:
Then at least you could try
Then at least you could try taking your baby with you in the morning, even for a couple of hours, the point is you leave the house with or before your DH, son then he needs to deal with his DD.
Also can you drop her off at Grandma's?
Oh yeah, she'd be at
Oh yeah, she'd be at Grandma's!!
Then at least you could try
Then at least you could try taking your baby with you in the morning, even for a couple of hours, the point is you leave the house with or before your DH, son then he needs to deal with his DD.
Also can you drop her off at Grandma's?
dont you hate it when people
dont you hate it when people presume? sd just gave birth to a child and i was excluded from seeing the baby on a video conference. sd showed off the baby to dh while i was in the basement doing chores, and no one thought to call me up to share the news.
sd ballooned in weight during her pregnancy is now in a foul mood. she is tormenting her husband and every one around her. is a divorce in the cards? i know sd would not hesitate to move and impose herself into our lives if this happened and wanting me to baby sit for her child while she works. (i used to work from home and now i am retired.) she would easily presume since i am at home often i can baby sit for free. not in your life!
you asked, "How do I make this DH's problem instead of mine?"
the answer is yes.
there is a common saying on st: not my circus not my monkey.
Your DH thoroughly just blew
Your DH thoroughly just blew you off. Bet he never intended to find child care, knowing he'd just dump and run, without regard for what YOU want (and need to keep a job). He sounds like a real prince. He HAD to know that you'd be upset, yet he'd rather his wife be upset than find a child care solution. Lazy husband, lazy father.
You've got to find a way to be less convenient.
Find a Day Care and pay them
Find a Day Care and pay them from DH.
Drop her off for whatever hours you need to get your work done. Then have DH pick her up, if you are unable to do so. Also have DH drop her off on his way to work, if needed.
The local YMCA here has a
The local YMCA here has a School's Out program, it's super cheap to send a kid there for the day, and they do fun activities.