Senior night
My husband and I have custody of his two children since 2014. Their Mom lives in another state and only sees them once a year. She has not paid child support since March. Our daughter (my SD) graduated high school last year and her BM didn’t help with anything. This year our son (SS) graduates. Again, she hasn’t helped out with anything. He plays football and basketball. Next week is senior night at the football game. I expected BM to show up, which I supported. I was also thinking I would walk with them. My SS is saying he doesn’t care who walks with him, but I’ve overheard him saying he doesn’t want to be the only player with 3 parents on the field. Also, his BM threw a fit and insisted her BF walks now too. SS is obviously upset now because he doesn’t want 4 people walking with him and DH doesn’t want to walk without me. I’m hurt because I was hoping he would want to include me, but I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. I just don’t know what to do. Do I walk with them or not? I know my DH doesn’t want to walk without me. We didn’t have this issue with our SD and she tried to tell BM she would’ve wanted me on the field too. I have an amazing relationship with my SKs and don’t want this to ruin it.
WHy do you assume SS does not
WHy do you assume SS does not want you to walk with him?
I would file a report about the outstanding CS... maybe she will have her hands full next week }:) And Dh can simply tell her, sorry - you did not contribute to this night you will not walk with my son, tell security to keep her in check.
We have contacted child
We have contacted child support services to have her wages garnished, but she moved and quit her job before we could get any support. I think my SS would be ok with me walking, but now his BM wants her BF to walk and that makes him uncomfortable. I just know he’s not going to tell her no.
DH can tell her NO.... you
DH can tell her NO.... you have no business here any way cause you are not supporting your son
BM sees the teen once year,
BM sees the teen once year, but she manages to come and show up for Senior night for a football game? So is this her one time this year? *shrugs*
Anyway, if his mother is making the effort to travel to and attend this football game, on the field to walk she goes. You having helped Dad with the kids for the last three years over a course of a seventeen year old path, does not give you the title 'mother' over his actual mother. This night is about the SS, his accomplishments in his sports... don't spoil it and fight over who escorts him. It is ten minute thing.
My concern was the overheard statement that he doesn't want to be the only player out there with three 'parents'. I'm actually surprised in this day and age that he would be. Surely he's not the only player in a divorced parent/stepfamily situation? Even if he is, it's nothing to be embarrassed of (he didn't make any of the adult decisions to place him in the situation). He's no reason to feel uncomfortable about it.
Not sure if the teen even knows or has met BM's BF (you don't say). This guy may feel out of place , but SS has a choice. He gets either two parents or he gets two parents, one SM and one BM's BF. To exclude BM's partner opens up excluding Dad's partner if BM is high conflict and going to raise a b*tch *ss stink. A temper tantrum on the sidelines of the football will be much more uncomfortable than just walking out and getting it over with. I said here the other week on someone else's posting about Senior night and walking out that if I had parents being difficult with this event, I'd march myself out there all by my lonesome. All the parents can stay in the bleacher stands. The kid has worked too long and hard to get this far for the adults in his life to suddenly pooped on his celebration.
My two cents? You and Dad might as well adjust yourselves to this type of thing as there is graduation and one day a possible wedding and then grandbabies.... it's too late now to pick and choose who this kid's parents are going to be.
We’ve already done 2 Proms
We’ve already done 2 Proms and a graduation with her and we’ve always managed to make it through without any issues. I guess I’m a little confused that she’s making a big deal out of this. I mean the reason she can’t afford to come see them more is something else that makes us mad and is something she certainly can control. I’ve never tried to replace her. He didn’t play these sports when he was with her so she’s literally done nothing to support him in this. She literally wants to show up so she can post all over Facebook about what a great Mom she is. I’ve decided I’m not walking and I’m not going to make it awkward. I needed to work that night anyway so my husband and I can continue to support our family. My only concern at this point is SS will be walking with BM and her BF because my DH will not walk without me. The kids have met the BF and do not like him because he was abusive to them and BM. That’s why they made the decision to live with us to begin with.
That's sad. If I was the kid
That's sad. If I was the kid I would not want an abusive BF of BM to escort me either.
Facebook is evil and she's no MOTY if she allowed a man to be abusive to her kids. Meh, let her post away.
I'm sure the team and rest of the attending parents know who has done all the supporting. I suggest you and Dad get some photos of the three of you (SS, Dad and you) while SS is dressed in in gear and have some nice shots done to print for a frame.
I believe that’s what we
I believe that’s what we decided. She will walk with them and I’ll stay in the stands, but will take some pics together after. Thanks for the support/advice.
My DH and I had the same
My DH and I had the same issue when OSS had his senior night. I didn't even consider walking with OSS because I am not his parent. He has two parents who birthed him, they should walk. I didn't try to make it difficult or awkward. I just took control of taking the pictures. However, BM had her SO walk with them. So it was DH on one side and BM/ SO on the other. DH was not pleased and actually had other parents comment to him about SO walking with them. It looked ridiculous. They felt that considering DH was an involved parent, it should have been DH and BM walking alone. I don't know how OSS felt about it because he is very quiet and doesn't express his feelings much.
Just ask OSS what he wants and do what he wants. If he doesn't ask you to walk then offer to take pictures.
I agree. I can't stand BM,
I agree. I can't stand BM, but I wouldn't care of DH walked out on any field or down any isle with her (at a wedding). The kids have 2 parents, not 3 or 4. It's not about you at that point, it's about the kid. Don't make this embarrassing and awkward for him.
Also, CS and being a parent are 2 separate things. you can't take away the parent relationship because they don't pay the Child Support (and this is coming from a SM who's DH hasn't seen a cent of any CS or reimbursements owed for years)
I said in the beginning of my
I said in the beginning of my original post I expected her to walk. I’ve always included her on everything with the kids. I just don’t understand why she’s making a big deal out me walking with them. There’s more to raising a child than financial support, but I’d never keep her from them for not paying. That’s just punishing them.
Being a SM is a thankless
Being a SM is a thankless job. You get all of the work and none of the glory. That is just how it is.
I raised my FormerSD without BM around from 10-17 yrs old. I did everything a mom would do.
The second SD became an adult and a grandchild came, BM came back throwing money at her and I was no longer needed or wanted in her life. Yes...it sucks. You cannot expect the same treatment as a SM.
But the fact that YOU wanted to walk does not change the fact that OSS does not need the drama, stress or embarrassment of having all those people walking with him. He has Mom and Dad. Just step back and let the parents have this time.
Sure go ahead go on the
Sure go ahead go on the field. Hopefully they will call your name out loud. Do you think they should say Johnny parents MR and Mrs. Johnny's parents. OR Mr. Johnny's dad and step mom.
Will the school offer programs to pass out where you can buy a page or sections of a page. They do that where we are from . I think you should write a little something and have it signed WE LOVE YOU, DAD and so and so. Then be sure to send mom a copy.
I think it is a GREAT IDEA. Absolutely, YOU deserve it.
Interesting to read that you have so much power as to NEVER keep a biological parent away for not paying child support. Tell me how do you do it?
IMHO the custodial parents
IMHO the custodial parents get to walk and the NCP half can sit and watch. Particularly when the NCP half are non-participants in the kid's life.
Time for DH to put his foot up BM's ass IMHO. He can hand her the bill for the past CS when he tells her and her BF to sit their asses down.
Make sure he files to nail her dead-beat ass to the wall in court for failure to support her children. You and DH walk with your son.
In our case no one in the SpermClan ever showed up for any Skid event ..... ever.... in the 16+ years we lived under a Custody/Visitation/Support order. Not one sports event, not one concert, play, not for HS graduation, USAF BMT graduation, Tech school graduation, not one promotion ceremony, not for his re-enlistment ceremony... not.... for.... one.... damned..... thing. I cant say I missed them and according to my SS-25 (now adopted) he never missed them either and knows who his REAL family is. His mom and I and his Deema and Deepa (my parents) never missed a major event in his life. My ILs came for the big stuff.
Good luck and tell your SS congrats from me.