Dressing DH for the royal wedding

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The time is coming. DH has to have a suit for the royal wedding. I told him weeks ago that he needed to arrange a day to go shopping with his DD, but they haven't. I feel absolutely certain that he's going to try to drag me to the men's clothing store to help him pick out a suit and tie, most likely, this weekend.

I mean this from the bottom of my heart, I will not have any participation in one thing to do with this blessed event. I will not pick out a suit, I will not give my opinion on a suit, a short, a tie, or even a pair of socks! I will do nothing to benefit that ignorant, self-absorbed, hateful, imbecile of a daughter of his in any way.

Does anyone have any suggestions of how I can keep the peace without compromising my vows to myself?

What ever would make you

What ever would make you think I'm not going? LOL No, I wasn't invited, but I wouldn't have gone even if I had been. As a matter of fact, DH wasn't invited either. He was just commanded to be there to walk her down the aisle and to fork over the check for the blessed event. I remember sending invitations to my family, including my mother, when I got married. Seems a little thoughtless and inconsiderate not to especially since they spent thousands to finance the event.

I think your dh is quite

I think your dh is quite insensitive to think you should help him in any way with this wedding.
Plan now on a great weekend with friends or even yourself.

Oohhhh, ladies, you are

Oohhhh, ladies, you are putting evil thoughts in my head!

I'd bow out, way out, like be

I'd bow out, way out, like be out of town.

I'd forget the purple velvet

I'd forget the purple velvet and go for this..... https://www.thegrommet.com/opposuits-novelty-suit-set?utm_source=googlep...

Oh, YES!!!

Y'all are making me laugh so

Y'all are making me laugh so hard I have tears rolling down my face!

Only $99! You gotta laugh or

Only $99! You gotta laugh or step hell would make you cry.

I can't believe your dh was

I can't believe your dh was not invited and only because of signing a check he is allowed a part in the wedding. He must have hide made out of buffalo skin. Surely, he must have paid enough to also have you participate even you chose not to. Did you get an invitation to the wedding? If not, I can not believe your dh would be okay with it.

No, but I didn't expect one

No, but I didn't expect one for myself. I am, however, appalled that she didn't send one to her father. Believe me, he's paid dearly for his role in the wedding, but even so, she really hurt his feelings last week when she told him that if he didn't show up to the rehearsal on time that she would get her step father to walk her down the aisle, and that meant on the day of the wedding too,not just for the rehearsal.

Not trying to support her..

Not trying to support her.. but I didn't think you sent invitations to your own parents.. since they are "hosts"?

I might be lost in some etiquette confusion though:)

I'm not sure of the etiquette

I'm not sure of the etiquette either. I just know that I sent my mother, who paid for my wedding, an invitation. I felt it was rude not to.

I just looked this up on Google, and this is the answer they provided.

Do we have to send wedding invitations to our parents and attendants? They're working closely with us on the planning, and they obviously know when the wedding is, so isn't it redundant? A: The short answers: No, it's not redundant, and yes, you should send them.

Actually, I can believe that

Actually, I can believe that you were not invited. When my ss had a housewarming party he only invited my dh, and when my dh neices was married, even though we had her mother and father stay at her house, I was not invited, and dh flew to another state to attend. What was worse is when dh, now ex, father passed, I was not mentioned in the obituary. Mind you ex has only one child, and one sister who has only three children. Family fits in two hands, but they excluded me. It felt terrible! Dh was okay with it.

I imagine I would be hurt if

I imagine I would be hurt if I cared. My days of caring about anything she does are long gone. I would be more excited if I received an invitation to clean toilets at a dysentery camp!

"I wouldn't want to pick out

"I wouldn't want to pick out something that would disappoint your daughter."

This http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/kgli/?itm=289386725904_product_type_clo...

LOL! Beautiful! "Yes, honey!

LOL! Beautiful! "Yes, honey! It looks fantastic! You'll be the talk of the town. You might even outshine the bride! "

I would have a work emergency

I would have a work emergency the day of.....

I would pick out the suit and

I would pick out the suit and everything, but would never go. I would let him go alone and have that ackward feeling alone, and then wish I was there, and then think about why I wasn't.

Madhatter, it is wonderful

Madhatter, it is wonderful that you have gotten to the point of not caring what sd does. I hope your dh learns to also disengage. It must have felt terrible to hear that if he did not follow every request that his dd had, that he would be throw out like stinking meat. Wow, she is unbelievable! Hopefully he will realize that soon. That would be great for your marriage if he did not need to invest so much emotional energy on an adult child that still behaves like a toddler and this is black hole just sucking everything around her into a void.

Madhatter - you love your

Madhatter - you love your husband right? He's paying for this wedding or at least a very expensive gift right? You are not invited... and now you are refusing to have anything to do with it... no no no.... you have 2 options for this week-end.

1. Plan something in advance and say, sorry Hon I already made an appointment at the hair dresser/spa and I waited for months.. you will have to get DD to assist you.

2. (My personal Fav).... Find out what SD has in mind, brown/black/grey/blue (don;'t ask her fish for the info).... she will have a color scheme in mind... then take DH's measurements and tell him... no worries hon, just give me your credit card, I will pick something up on my way home, you sit and relax/start dinner/wash your car... I know you work hard and you need to relax....

Then with his card... you go the total opposite of what Princess wants.. She want a dark grey suit with a blue shirt... you go with light Grey/White and purple shirt... (dang rent the suit do not even buy one)

I also like the purple velvet suggestion }:)

Actually, since no invitation

Actually, since no invitation was issued to your DH and he is going.. I would get myself the slinkiest.. most perfect WHITE dress and I would show up WITH my DH. Let the little princess have a meltdown on her perfect day.. Of course all the while you feign shock and sadness that she is so upset }:)

Great suits on this web site,

Great suits on this web site, Mad Hatter!

https://www.opposuits.com/suits.html

I personally like the Bloody Harry and the Zombiac.

If you DO give input, please make certain the suit is one of those skinny-legged suits that molds to your DH's bod. SO popular today...LOL

Sooooo perfect!

I love Bloody Harry!!!

I think Bloody Harry is very

I think Bloody Harry is very appropriate for an SD wedding.

I like 'Confettori'. Long

I like 'Confettori'. Long pants to be 'tasteful' but ready for the 'celebration'. Two added benefits: these 'suits' are within the budget - and provide a Halloween costume later on. LOL

I think "Confettori" was my

I think "Confettori" was my favorite too! So LOUD and brash!

I'd be busy all weekend so

I'd be busy all weekend so that I wasn't even available to help.

Simply say THIS IS BETWEEN

Simply say THIS IS BETWEEN YOU AND THE BRIDE.....have a great time Darling. Buhhh byeeee

DH-aren't you coming along???................

You-This moment is between you and your daughter.....enjoy. Buhhh byeeeee

DH---but,,,,

YOU....buhhh byeeee.

No harm no foul. It is between him and his daughter.

I'd pretend that I have to go

I'd pretend that I have to go into the office, and then spend the time at the bookstore or coffee house.

But dang, the idea of a dad bod rocking a skinny leg hipster suit at SD's wedding is a priceless vision!

It just happened, and there

It just happened, and there was no atomic explosion! He just called from work and said, "We've got to go shopping this weekend for a suit for the wedding."

I said, "Dear, I'm not having anything to do with that wedding. I thought you already knew that."

He said, "I understand. I didn't think you would. I think I'm gonna go look at the thrift store on my way home and see if I can find something there. This marriage isn't going to last long enough for me to justify spending any more than I already have."

*JAW DROP*!!!!!!!

When SD was getting married

When SD was getting married she remarked that they weren't sure what they were going to put on the invitations. Maybe just them. Maybe his mom and DH (other bio parents deceased).

I opened my mouth and said that unless etiquette rules had vastly changed, the person who was paying (DH) should be the name on the invitation. Surprisingly the invitation was printed Mr. DH invites you to the wedding of....

Continued I did attend the

Continued

I did attend the wedding. DH would not have paid if they excluded me. You'd never know it from the pictures they bought, that DH paid for, though. I'm not in any of them.

When it was my child's big day, I paid, and the invitations read Mr and Mrs DH last name invite you ... of her child...

If SS32 and the mother of

If SS32 and the mother of their child decide to get married it will have ZERO affect on my life. My DH is very picky about his attire and he's color blind - but I'd still leave it up to him about what works for him. None of that affects me.

Hello I am new here, I don't

Hello I am new here,

I don't have the background on your relationship with your stepdaughter and I understand you were not invited to the wedding. I hope you don't mind if I chime in with some thoughts. It's very hurtful that you were not invited and I can't imagine what it must be like for him to attend his daughter's wedding and his wife has been shut out - very hurtful to both of you! However, I think, and this is only my opinion and I could be wrong, but I might consider reframing this to be supportive of his attire. You see sometimes if we do the opposite of what people expect it sends an altering message. I would be inclined to help him pick out his suite, tie, shoes, right down to his hairstyle - While it might seem like a great idea to do the obvious and ignore the wedding - it's very telling when you, the uninvited wife helps shape the look of your husband for his daughters wedding. You will always know you supported for him.

welcome hdp. you are clearly

welcome hdp.

you are clearly compassionate but many of us here have been burned so badly that we have all lost compassion for the situations we have had to endure.

messages of compassion are lost on some people.

HDP, Many of us have done

HDP, Many of us have done just as you suggested and it hasn't worked. In the beginning of our marriage I 'helped' and 'helped'. I knew I supported DH both financially and emotionally, but it was not ever acknowledged or appreciated.

When SD got married I did not help DH with his outfit. No one said anything about what he wore - even though to me it was a bit ridiculous to wear a suit and a chef hat. He even had his picture taken like that! LOL What WAS telling was my absence. DH's relatives said, "We understand why you were not there." This spoke volumes.

In my opinion SM is doing DH a favor. He won't have to hear her whine about how badly she was treated or hear her laugh over what DH wore.

Please don't think that we

Please don't think that we are just all haters who haven't tried. Society as a whole tends to see SMs as lesser wives, despite the fact that we are just as married to our husbands as anyone else. The only way this will change, is if SMs initiate that change and insist on being treated as nothing less.

Don't underestimate this. This isn't about SMs fading into the background whenever SKs or BM are around. SMs are not lesser wives or concubines, servants or mistresses. I've told this story close to a million times before, but at my SD's wedding, no one, and I mean NO ONE, even remotely took the FACT that my DH and I were married into consideration. Here I was married to my DH for 15 years and attending his daughter's wedding and all excited about being a part of her big day. I didn't even think my DH and I could be treated like anything other than husband and wife, because we were husband and wife. Me and my family had been involved with the SKs for years.

To make a long story short, even though we had both been at the rehearsal dinner the day before, neither my DH nor I were given any sort of heads-up on what was coming. I wound up being separated from my DH, not allowed to be in any pictures. Eventually, I found myself sitting in the middle of the church somewhere, just before the ceremony, wondering where my DH was, and shortly after the ceremony started, watched my husband walking down the aisle with BM, hand in hand, and them being seated together up front. DH then went back and walked his daughter down the aisle (which, of course, is what we both expected). There's more, but that's enough. DH's permission, much less mine, was not asked for any of this.

My DH and I were married in a Lutheran church and his daughter was being married in a Lutheran church. Yet, the minister (who sat next to us at the rehearsal the day before) had no problem hooking up BM with my husband of 15 years without permission from either my DH or I. You see, I was a lesser wife and didn't count. And, my DH was still considered to be owned by his ex- and his kids. That's how lowly I was thought of. Honestly, even my own DH didn't bother to check in with me. It was only after the ceremony when I pulled him into the women's restroom and said, "What the H- is going on here?" that DH finally came out of his fugue.

All I know is, I got my A%% handed to me on a plate that day, and it ain't gonna be happening again. My marriage counts for something too, you know. Unfortunately, a lot of people, and not just SKs, forget that. H-, I've even seen wedding-advice sites where they say SMs shouldn't be offended if they are forgotten. Really!? This would not be permitted in any other circumstances where a married couple would be split up and the husband hooked up with some other woman for the day, being paraded around like they are the true man and wife. No permission needed from the husband (DH) nor his wife (SM). Doesn't matter if dad and SM have been married for one year, two years, 15 years or 25+ years. Yet, I"M THE ONE with the problem. I'm not supposed to be offended and just look the other way if this occurs. BS. Even high school kids would know better.

Parents don't need to pretend to be married to be parents. And, no one gets to pretend, for even one day, that someone else’s marriage doesn’t exist.

Idvilen, The really sad thing

Idvilen, The really sad thing about your story is that it is so common. I find it despicable that a minister would approve of this kind of treatment for a married couple. But I found the problem goes WAY back, "Matthew 19:9 -
And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” There are those who still 'literally' interpret the Bible as it benefits them and their agenda. The minister should have honored your marriage as sacred - just as sacred as the first marriage. I do not mean to offend anyone but if divorce is allowed in a church the clergy should adjust their way of thinking or find another religion.

"Society as a whole tends to see SMs as lesser wives, despite the fact that we are just as married to our husbands as anyone else. The only way this will change, is if SMs initiate that change and insist on being treated as nothing less." This may take some time but I agree with you. When I was a kid, a divorced woman was considered to be loose even if she was a saint. For the most part, society has changed their view of divorced women. Prior to Steptalk step parents had no voice. We do now. Hopefully this will help with the 'change'.

Until that time we need to insist on being treated with mutual respect. Years ago you could have convinced me to 'turn the other cheek'. Or it was me - 'misinterpreting'. Not going to happen anymore!

Again, too bad the minister

Again, too bad the minister didn't check with us first. My DH could have filled him in that he qualified under the one exception, sexual immorality on his ex-wife's part while they were still married. No adultery on my and DH's part, even in a biblical sense. But, no one bothered to ask.

I agree! "Prior to Steptalk step parents had no voice. We do now. Hopefully this will help with the 'change'." We do need to insist on being treated with mutual respect!

in the case of bm, sexual

in the case of bm, sexual immorality was the case. she cheated on the skids father with a married man. she divorced him and married her lover. she is now on her third husband after that second husband cheated on her. (women dont see that if a man cheats with you, he will cheat ON you.)

at one of the skids weddings, i sat in the front pew next to dh, who was also seated with bm and her current husband. dh paid for 99% of the wedding and insisted on it. it was our names on the invite. dh and i sat next to the priest at the wedding rehearsal dinner.

it was painful to see the sm of the groom. she had married a widower and it was like she was apoligising to every one for even being there. still she had made her self out to be the hostess of the event greeting every guest who arrived at the church. when the flowers arrived she forgot to give me my corsage until i asked for it. there she was wearing those flowers on her dress as did bm, and i was forced to asked where my flowers were as i know they had ordered one for me. she said well there is one corsage over there and i dont know who it belongs to. what other mother was there in the bridal party? i was floored.

I'm a rather direct person

I'm a rather direct person and also don't like it when people hint at things or try to cajole me into doing something, so I'd probably just tell him outright, "I'm not interested in helping you pick out a suit for your daughter's wedding. If you intend to buy one, I suggest you leave enough time and find someone else if you don't want to go yourself."

Hi, HDP. Thanks for the

Hi, HDP. Thanks for the thoughtful reply, and if I hadn't tried this approach over and over again for the last 8 or 9 years, I might be inclined to see things in the same light that you are. His daughter is a self-entitled brat and doesn't possess the ability to be thankful for anything that anyone does for her benefit, not her parents, not her fiance, and, especially, not me. I do support my husband,in many ways, but not where his child is concerned. She tells him that she hates me regularly (her pet name for me is "the demon"), even though she doesn't really even know me, and even though it kills me to see her hurt DH, if I tell DH what I think of her for mistreating him, he is likely to turn on me. It's happened before even though he will readily admit that he doesn't like the person that she is. So, I'll stick with the message I intend to send which is that she means less than nothing to me and nothing I do will benefit her even indirectly. It's best when I can just go merrily along and forget for lengthy periods of time that she exists.

I think I have taken "the

I think I have taken "the high road" with respect to SS. I have not sceamed at SS and the baby-mamma what I think of their hideous selfish disgusting behavior. I did not press charges. I told DH to just keep them away from me. I did not give DH a piece of my mind about how horrid his son is. I just basically ghosted them.

Was there part of me that wanted to rip them a new one? Yes!! But I took the high road and did not spew the profanities that would be required to adequately convey my feelings towards them.

Extremely snarky barbs about ss cross my mind fairly often- but I don't say them out loud. I don't feel a need to remind dh how horrible ss is.

I have not forgiven them yet, but I am sure I will. But that doesn't mean that I will ever speak to them again. Forgiveness to me means that I stop wishing that they drop dead - it's when I reach indifference.

One of my favorite curses:

May you be rich enough to own a house with 100 rooms, and may you be found dead in every one of them.

Or this one:
May the fleas of 1000 camels infest your crotch and your arms be too short to scratch.

“There are always two

“There are always two choices. Two paths to take. One is easy. And its only reward is that it’s easy.” -Unknown

If there is a doormat lying around, of course people are going to be wiping their feet on it. Goes without saying. No responsibility to clean your own feet, clean up your act. The doormat will do that for you every time. But, take the doormat away, and suddenly people have to start taking the initiative to clean up after themselves.

idvilen you are so funny and

idvilen you are so funny and your remarks are beautifully executed. Yep, the doormat has gotten up and walked off. My ex has just now realized the the doormat which was caked with all the mud that everyone rubbed on it, was indeed a magic flying rug that could clean herself off and just get up and go else where.

All I ever heard from ex at the time we were together was "my son, "my son, and my son" and " I have to protect my son against you,". I am chuckling as I doubt he is referring to him as "my son". Now that they have lived together and they no longer are, he is probably referring to him as the "demon child" and will probably want to do a paternity test even though his ds is 50 years old.

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Dressing DH for the royal wedding