No you are not out of line-this is a miserable situation. I also had to deal with lazy SS for three months- DH didn't have to deal with him because he was out at work all day, but we gave him a deadline and stuck to it. When the deadline came he had found another place.
It isn't fair to you or your DDs having him around- if the deadline has been and gone you need to throw him out. If DH won't throw him out you make plans to leave.

Well, DH was supportive of himself mostly on this one! He has been much less supportive when SS caused a whole heap of problems earlier this year which led to our disengagement- but that's another story.
You are right to have a Pan B C D whatever, stick around here though, I'm sure you will pick up lots of plans!

"I'm not allowed to wear pajamas or no bra outside of my bedroom because my adult ss is here (per his father)."
"I got told I'm a effin B by husband because I'm mean to his baby boy."

Why do you stay a man that speaks to you this way and tellks you what you are ALLOWED to do in your home???

My 20 yr old moved back in and he's definitely a *man child.* He does have a learning disability but was also coddled into a helpless state by xH. All ds20 has done post high school is walk the dog and play xbox. xH threw his hands up and dropped him at my home so now it's up to me to help him adult.

ds20 made a comment about how gross it was that I walked around in my nightgown w/out a bra. I told the brat that it's my home and he's welcome to live somewhere else if he doesn't like it. My manchild has to work, bunk w/his teen brother (even though we have 2 spare rooms), pay bills and make his damn bed and do lots of chores. He's balked because he has to give me some of *his* money but as always I point out that he's welcome to live elsewhere and pay rent etc.

Your husband is an azz, my son was being one too but bottom line is that you should be able to wear whatever the hell you want in YOUR home. Lazy azz ss can look the other way.

Your husband has some nerve to tell you what to wear in your own home...just because of his grown son who has not launched. Wear what you want, anytime you want.

Please get out of this situation as soon as you are able, and do not waste your precious mental and physical energy on this situation anymore. It will NOT change. I raised my SS's full-time for 15 years and have experienced all of this. I felt like I was going nuts and so did people around me, but it was all depression and anxiety fueled by the situation I was in. It sucks! I'm now separated and feel like I wasted 15 years of my life on the whole thing. It's a lot harder being single in your 40's than in your 20's, when it comes to trying to find a partner to connect with. I dread it. Peace and Good Luck to you, my friend.

I agree! When my BS went to collage and we only had one left at home, we turned our 3 bedroom house into a 2 bedroom (expanded the MASTER bedroom!) There have 2 different times when 2 skids hit hard times, and we'll help who needs help, but They Will Not Be Comfortable! And , There ARE ground rules that will be followed, or they get shown the door! They work, or spend 8hrs. a day looking for work. in the house by 11pm or get locked out (no, they don't get a key) limits on the phone (no cell service where we live, not our problem) and limits on visitors, do their own laundry at their appointed time and day.
Thankfully, we had no problems enforcing these rules and they helped out with cooking and cleaning, and they were able to get back out on their own in 3 mos. or less. And my DH did consult me before WE gave the OK. We are willing to help who ever needs help,but it WILL be on OUR terms. I would have a problem if DH told me what I could or couldn't wear anytime! A comment was made Once about "noises" coming from our room, and the response was "the sooner you get your s__t together, the sooner you won't have to hear it". I think that one left in about 2 days!
Start putting away some cash,figure out where you and your DD's can go and as above, make that SS as uncomfortable as you possible , if you need to leave, make sur you leave a lasting impression!

I have never had a man tell me what to wear so I not sure how that must feel like for you. But I know that if it did happen to me I would wear what I want and tell him to go to h3ll. Any man that sits and plays xbox all day is never going to grow up. And he calls you a "B". You need to shut this guy down when that happens. Once is enough and I would be done. Take his ibox and hide it and see who turns in a little whiny "B".

You are not the one who is out of line.

I just don't get parents who are okay with their kids doing NOTHING.

Time to make SS a little less comfy in YOUR home. And to be honest, I'd probably have to spend a week or two walking around the house buck naked just to prove that it was my home and that I would do as I pleased.

Disclaimer: It's probably never a good idea to do what I would do.

SImply take control and tell your husband...

SS will be out of this house in XX months, if not I will get him evicted with you, you are not helping him making excuses he's lazy and it's his personality, you are his father you are suppose to help your children launch, now take away the Xbox and Internet and tell him to go and find a job cause he will be out of this house on such date

I had to pack and be walking out the door. We had a similar situation, for more than two years I had two adult SS's in our home... It was hell.
One day I just couldn't do it anymore, (there was a lot of story before this, of course) but I packed up, called my friend and walked out. DH was livid.
Long story short, it was a week later and the SS were gone. It 's not easy to deal with.

No you arent out of line. If your DH is unwilling to step up and parent then he is not your equity life partner and your children do not need to be exposed to his failed waste of parental skin example.

Just my opinion of course.

Good luck.