I am not certain where you are in this relationship, of course, so my recommendations are only based on what I am reading and what I would do. Of course, every situation is different. I think if you can get along with these hussies it is better for everybody, but after you have really tried (and, do not try for years either- like many of us did, unfortunately); and their disgust with you and disrespect only ups the ante, you have no choice but to stop, just stop it; stop everything.

That is what I did, I divorced them; not my husband. But, he is free to do anything he would like, he knows I will not be any part of it /with them and I will not hear about them or discuss them at all. Had he cared about me being actual family- included with them, he would have manned up and stopped the disrespect of us BOTH. He cannot do it, because he has never taught them to respect anybody, as well as the BM....And, mine allowed others to leave him, because of them---long before my time. You would think he would learn, but some men never do, no matter.

I am not being abused by anybody, including any ill raised nasty grown up classless women. I do not miss being insulted over and over again; you will not either if you move in this direction.

Only you will know when it is the right time for you. Oh, one last thing to prepare yourself for.... with a weakling daddy, they will NEVER stop trying to ruin your marriage. That is why you stay away.

"I found out DH told her a few things about our living situation that should only be discussed between us two." This would be a deal breaker for me. You can not stop him from doing this unless he wants to.

When you took your wedding vows you agreed love and cherish each other. When your DH confides in SD about private matters between the two of you he is not showing he loves or cherishes you. He is disrespectful of you and of the sanctity of your marriage. It is emotional adultery. I would give him the choice of acting like a husband or ending the marriage.

Glad you are going to a therapist who will help and guide you to through this. You deserve to be treated better.

I feel your pain. There is nothing more the nasty adult steps I've had to deal with, want more than my DH and I to split up also. They have tried in the past to split us up. Didn't work. Too bad for them. They have wished me out of their lives forever. The funny thing is that I am not in their lives. What I am sure they mean is they want me out of DH's life, which somehow they believe his life is their life they can no longer control everything he does like they did before.

Isn't it amazing how the stepmothers get blamed for whenever these self-entitled adult steps feel dadee isn't doing what they want him to do? Even when DH never mentions my name and tells them NO, it is always my fault somehow.

If you have not, I'd have a talk with your DH and let him know how discussing personal things between you and him with the skids is unacceptable and ask him how would he like it if you did the same. You are right, your marriage is none of their bleeping business.

As far as the game. If you feel it was planned for a way for the SD to get dadee alone and try and split you up, tell your DH how you feel. I always found it best to be honest with my DH. When I knew it was obvious the adult steps were conjuring up plans to exclude me I pointed it out to my DH. I would ask him so why don't you plan an event with of your hateful spawn and not invite their spouse(s) and ask him how they would like it. Did you plan on doing something for your DH on his birthday? If so, let him know. I am blunt, so if it were me I would ask my DH, do you want to do something with your wife or your mean spawn on your birthday? Not to make him choose between us; but his answer to that would let me know how he feels about our marriage and if he is putting his spouse first. Yes, it is his birthday and he can do what HE wants. I would never leave my DH on his birthday and do something with my kid. I have all year to do that.

You are not alone in step hell. Best of luck.

Your SD's sound awful. However what would be the most painful part is that your DH is considering to go to this game with his daughter, who he knows is purposely excluding you. That sends a message to her that it is ok to exclude you, and he partakes in the excluding. He is not regarding your feelings. That is very selfish.

I can't tell you what you should do, because only you know what you can live with. I can tell you what I would do, and what I have done.

I disengaged with SD22 when she was 15 years old. She was hateful then, and she's worse now. The only difference between then and now is that I don't give one rat's a$$ anymore what she knows, what she thinks, or how she feels. DH and I keep our finances separate, and he is welcome to spend any amount of HIS money on her after he meets his household obligations, spend any amount of time with her unless it interferes with plans we have made together, and can tell her any intimate detail he might feel comfortable sharing with his daughter. I don't ask him what she thinks about anything. I don't ask for any details about his interactions with her, and when he feels compelled to share something that she's done, I try to keep the conversation short and don't offer my opinion about anything. It works out better that way, and sometimes even results in the occasional comment like my DH made last night. He said, "I don't like my daughter very much sometimes. She's a b*tch, and she's rude to me and most everyone she's around. You're probably doing the right thing by staying away from her because you would've killed her by now." (I had to keep myself from doing a fist pump and a happy dance around the house.)

I have to say that being disengaged sometimes makes me feel a little left out when he goes off with her and has a good time, but I'll gladly take that over feeling like I constantly need to defend myself. For example, she's getting married in a couple of months. DH just got off the phone with me and said that we needed to go shopping for a new suit so that he could give her away at the wedding. My answer, "I think you should probably arrange a shopping trip with your daughter to buy a suit." Would I like to spend an afternoon shopping and dining out with my man? Absolutely, but I am not willing to do one single thing to help her and that includes picking out clothing for my husband that is appropriate for her wedding. On the weekend of the wedding, I'll be going to the beach or to a nice hotel in the city that I live in so that I can treat myself to an equally enjoyable weekend.

So, do what you think is right. Do what works for you.

I'm sorry to hear someone else is going through almost exactly the same thing I am. The only difference is I am 16 yrs younger than DH and I'm talking about SD42, me being 52, and SD doesn't send neither of us nasty text, mainly because DH has never touched a cell and we live in the middle of nowhere so I don't have cell service, and when I got social media, I blocked all of them right off the bat.
On the birthday issue, we can compare notes. I was planning a party for DH 60th and SD42 calls and ask if it would be ok if their BM came to the party!!! I was too baffled so fire back, and I told her I would talk to Daaddeeee (as she still calls him) and let her know. I never did talk to DH or let her know.
Yes, she has a tantrum we we don't do what she wants when she wants. And, yes it's always my fault! And she corners daaaddee and blackmails him with "well, if seeing your grandchildren isn't important to..." and yes,it's always my fault. She has even planned "family " trips where she wants to put us in a suite (at our expense) with a sofa bed so her BM can stay with us!!!! They divorced 25 years ago! You'd think she'd be over by now. I think the worst part is she put herself through school , now has a government job so she thinks she better than any and everyone else, and takes political correctness to a whole new (and offensive to me) level. If she even thinks DH might have a drink at a gathering, it's "don't be offering my daddy alcohol" , It's not as if he has, or has had a problem with it, there's no medical reasons he can't, she's just a controlling B___h! There were 5 skids, he lost his oldest back in the original Desert Storm, there's SD42,SD40,SS38 and SS36, and there's no problem with the others, except they choose to overlook her Major B__s++T, saying "it
Thankfully, she lives 3hrs. away,but the rest of Skids live near us. I decided to try a new angle,"The poor desperate kid, might think be afraid I'm using the same emotional blackmail ( I used other words of course) that she does to you from spending more time with them (which is really just her). Maybe she would feel better if you put your foot down for once (again used other words) Thought I WOULD actually try her tactics and express concern for his female Dameon, kiss up and bit, and see what happens. I have decided I will not leave, I stay just to stir the pot as much as I can and for once in my life give a little pay back.
Let us know how it goes!

All along I felt OSD was doing the same, but in more subtle ways. Six months ago I disengaged from my skids but DH hasn't been happy about it. I've stuck to my guns and after 6 months of indifference from him I feel things are slowly turning around.
In the end I had to come to terms with her winning, I held my hands up and said, 'I can't fight this anymore- now I'm looking after me.'
It felt a lot easier once I had said this- I know DH doesn't like it, he would rather cave in to DD than show me any affection these days, but you know? He's slowly coming back round to me and she is receding over the horizon of my life...

You're beginning to see why your husband has been married three times.

Indeed- he told me everyone can make a mistake- but I'm beginning to think it was the exes who made them!

I always had a certain sympathy for wife2- she gave him a family and he had an affair, listened to to the freeloading b***ch who took him to the cleaners after a very short marriage- wife no1 isn't really important, they were young and stupid. As the now long-term woman in his life (we aren't officially married) I get the tail end of any money he may have made over the years- which is very little. He was very generous to his exes and would be to me if he had anything. In a financial sense any subsequent marriages after the first are less well off... good job I'm financially solvent.

:jawdrop: wow I am sorry. Your husbands adult kids continue to treat you and DH this way because it is allowed. your husband has zero bounadries set up for his kids.

Block them on social media and also your phone. For you that will stop them from sending awful mean texts. IF you have not blocked them, why have you not done so.

Have you ever heard of Dr. Laura? You should get DH in a room and give her a call and ask for her guidance. I would place bets that she would tell your husband a thing or two.
1800drlaura

goodluck

I would never take that abuse by text message. I got rid of DH's smartphone, and he now has an old fashioned landline with no text messaging. I also refuse to allow DH to receive messages on my phone and flatly refused to give out my new number when DH asked for it so he could give it to his relatives. I refuse to play post office with them. They can e-mail him or call him on his landline. DH's daughter abused the privilege of having text access to our home, so now she can just take the consequences of her poor behavior and lack of self-control. She was texting at 7 a.m. and 11 p.m. and other times in-between. She had no self-control. People like that need to be cut-off from their additive behavior.

I would also like to say, that I don't believe in throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I got rid of the phone, not my husband.

I just don't bother with my partner's eldest son, daughter and granddaughter...they ain't worth it...they hate me and I hate them.

Today his daughter contracted him.She wants him to watch the BRAT on Monday. Just when I thought I would have a nice time...

OH WELL the kids will be back at school soon.....

If they can't treat you with respect, forget that they exist. ..........

I am NOT HAPPY....THE BRAT IS HERE AND SHE STINKS TO HIGH HEAVEN...I ASKED HER IF SHE HAD A BATH THAT MORNING. SHE SAID NO. I THEN ASKED HER IF SHE BATHED IN THE MORNINGS SHE SAID YES. I HAVE OPENED THE WINDOWS IN THE FRONT ROOM TO RELEASE THE SMELL.

I think she knows she stinks. I said she could have a bath at my home. She said no. I give up.

What's made it worse, is that my partner has popped out and left the BRAT with ME. I don't like her and dont want her in my home. I do admit I have left my grandchildren with my partner on previous occassions so I am cornered...

I wish I had gone out today instead of yesterday.

I have other things to do than have someone dumped into me who I can't stand. Her mother even came early to the house today with the BRAT ....didn't even ring the bell but rang my partner's phone to open the door....

I have put all the cutlery in the dishwasher on the pretext of a bulk sterilisation so my partner's daughter can't steal anything......

I even did washing early and put things away so the probability of towels being stolen is minimised.....

If the BRAT stinks, I am dreading the odour from the mother, i.e. my partner's daughter.....

LORD HELP ME........

I personally feel that my partner enables his daughter. If I knew that someone did not like my kids I wouldn't have left my kids with them unless there was absolutely NO ALTERNATIVE.

I also think that this may have been preplanned to dump the BRAT onto me.. My partner had no plans to go out but said he had to pop out all of a sudden with his friend and brother to see a building job. He did take his work rucksack with tools so I do believe him.....

I woner what has happened to the 10 million friends that my partner's daughter has? I feel that her worthless brother and she are trying to use me indirectly through stealing from my home and basically lying.

I will see what happens this Weds when my partner is at work. I may disappear with my grandchildren. SHE AND HER STINKY BRAT CAN **** **F!!!!!

"When you took your wedding vows you agreed to love and cherish each other. When your DH confides in SD about private matters between the two of you he is not showing he loves or cherishes you. He is disrespectful of you and of the sanctity of your marriage. It is emotional adultery. I would give him the choice of acting like a husband or ending the marriage."

I'll agree with this first part, but not the last. If you do this or don't do that(fill in the blank), I'll divorce you.
This statement is a threat and a signal that your commitment to the marriage is conditional. Your intention might be to draw boundaries or give a warning, but you're really saying, "Measure up to my standards, or you will prove yourself unworthy of me." That's not a "til-death-do-us-part" promise or a covenant with God.

When crisis happens in your marriage, seek counsel until the issue can be worked out. Divorce is a decision that could make your life MORE complicated, and not necessarily happier.

My husband confided some things to his daughter that were none of her business. A temporary bad decision on his part. One that he has since regretted.

It's hard to believe that a good father would think it ok to elevate his daughter into the role of his marriage counselor. How do you even put their relationship back into father/daughter mode once he's turned her into his personal therapist? I would define what is happening as gossiping. A hurtful thing with a victim for sure. Adultery is a sexual thing and I don't want to blur that definition.

DH has accidentally heard me confiding personal things about him to my sister. That hurt his feelings and causes my sister, a family member, to have a skewed opinion of him. Unfair to him as well.

I guess that's why I choose this anonymous message board to get feedback to some extent. Some men confide in their mothers about their wives, and in this case their daughters. We wouldn't say they're committing "emotional adultery" with their mother.

I'm counseling a friend who's husband was accepting friend requests from females on Skype. My friend says that's "emotional adultery". No, it's flirting. Also bad, but let's call it what it is. Even though he's totally deleted Skype and is sorry for this poor choice, what he considered innocent, she is adamant that he has committed the unforgivable sin. Willing to throw out a decades long marriage because of something stupid.