I have a blended family with SS (age 13 turning 14 next month), 2 year old DS and 4 year old DD.

On yesterday evening, I spotted a coin on DD's floor and went to put in one of her two piggy banks that she has had since before birth (or right at birth). I have never emptied the banks so in the past they were both stuffed to capacity to the point where dollar bills would stick out and have to be stuffed back in. When I went to drop in the coin on yesterday, it slid easily in and clanked loudly with other coins. My heart sunk.

I asked DH if he had borrowed any money from DD and he said no. I preceded to empty both piggy banks and no dollar bills were inside except for one $10 bill hidden amongst other coins. I have diligently placed bills of varying denominations in DD's bank for 4 years so I knew the money to the tune of hundreds of dollars had been stolen.

I asked SS if he knew anything about the missing money and he said no. I went back over the list of people who had been upstairs in my home since the last time I had felt a full bank and it was down to SS and a friend of SS that slept over.

I told SS I was searching his room and I found a wallet hidden behind his computer with 200+ dollars (over 35 one dollar bills and some 2 dollar bills). DD had lots of ones and some two dollar bills in her bank prior to it being raided. SS said his mother gave him money for the summer (first he said she gave him $100, then he told me it was over $100) and he had gotten the ones and twos from McDonald's. DH backed him up on the mother from his mom and said that the 2 dollar bills came from his grandmother. I told DH to stop feeding him a story as he said he got the money in change from McD's. I told DH to text SS's mom and find out how much cash she gave him. DH ignored me and went to sleep.

Today, first thing in the morning I decided to interrogate SS and I told him the baby video monitor in DD's room recorded him and that I had other evidence (untrue - just me playing investigator). I told him I was calling the police and would turn over the evidence unless he told me the truth and the culprit would go to jail. He denied, then confessed. My heart sunk again. He stole money from a 4 year old!

I told DH to talk with him and SS returned a hug wad of money - around $200. DH was in tears and apologized to me for SS's behavior. If I had to guess, I would say DD likely had around $400-500 between the two banks as I distinctly remember putting large bills in there. I have no idea where the rest of the money is or how long SS had been taking before deciding to raid it all.

When SS gave DD the money back in her hands she was so excited (I had told her money was missing). I could not bear for her to know that her brother had stolen from her so before SS could tell her anything, I said that SS "found the money" and told DD to tell SS thank you. I asked DD in front of him if she would give SS money if he needed it, she said she would.

I am having a hard time not being resentful as I feel he violated the family's trust. I have never had any huge problems with SS. He is a bit on the lazier side and I have caught him in minor lies (adjusting the thermostat and denying it, taking things from the fridge that belonged to others, etc.). But nothing major and nothing on this magnitude.

I am worried that I will start treating him noticeably different and I don't know how to stop that. His birthday is coming up in July and typically I would give him cash. I don't want to!

Help!