Three years ago, met the love of the my life. Two children (twins, boy and girl) bio mother passed away. Convinced me to quit my job, got rid of the nanny I go back to school, and stay with the children. This decision included the children, basically it was what they wanted. They wanted me to stay with them instead of a new nanny (old one's contract was up and didn't want to renew ((I WONDER WHY....)) MIL says "It'll be great, I'll help you so much". The lie detector test determined that was a lie.
In the beginning it was great, for about five months. But one day SS9 just decided to be a jerk - he stopped answering me, started giving me attitude, bad behavior, hit my dog, ignored me. One year passes. He does things like throw dirt into the kitchen sink, not answer when I speak to him, chew with his mouth open even after several warnings, leaves messes everywhere and then acts surprised when I point them out, lies constantly, sneaky about things like homework, brushing teeth, showering. Refuses to be ready on time for school, as a result I've missed and failed classes. DH suddenly gets switched to overnights. I do everything myself. Talk to the kids therapist about SS9 behavior - am told that I am "too uptight" need to "relax"by kid's therapist. DH says he "doesn't see the behavior". One year later, DH finally sees the behavior, apologizes, apparently I was right all along. I'm on medication because of this f(((cking fiasco. Could you imagine making up behavioral problems for over a year?!? I'm so full of resentment and hurt. I've been unjustly blamed -- who would lie about a kid's behaviors like that? SS9 and I don't even speak to each other. So bad the other day I took him to the dentist and he acted like I wasn't even there. I was never so embarrassed in my life. He sat across the waiting room from me and picked his nose, people were looking at me thinking he was special needs and I was ignoring him. I didn't know what to do. They called his name to go in the room and he just walked in without me, not even a glance to see where I was. All because I asked him to sit down. Constantly being given more problems if I ask him to do something that's like, normal. I think I've "disengaged" -- gave DH complete control over SS9, to the point of where if DH isn't home SS9 doesn't go to Bday parties, practices, etc. (although I'm the one who got him all set up with all extracurricular activities). We ignore each other except for me getting him ready in the morning. Inspecting his teeth to make sure he brushed and talking to him like he's a wittle baby (because he honestly likes it -- it's so bizarre)... one day I did babytalk at him to be a b*tch, but he really liked it so I babytalk him all the time. Almost 10 and we go "who's a big boy!! you got your shoes on??? nice work!!!!" and it makes me feel better because I'm being such a B--- and it makes him happy so... I guess ok? But other than that no interaction, no answer to "how was your day", everything is just a struggle. Even after DH talks to SS9 about behavior there's never an apology, a promise to work harder, nothing. Just "OK". It's NOT OK!!!!!! SD9 and I are incredibly close, she's my entire world and I've never loved anyone so much in my life. The tension though has to be taking a toll on her. Becauset the sight of SS9 makes my skin crawl, I want to scream, punch him, throw up -- does this ever get better? I know he doesnt feel comfortable being around me in a room because I asked him. I would have left by now I think if SD9 and I weren't so close. I love DH to death, but the last year of being dismissed and no support made me really resentful to him, to the therapists, to SS9. Now everyone sees SS9's behavior - manipulative, creepy and they take my word, but that doesn't mean one day I won't be to blame again. I feel bad that they lost their mother and I never tried to be their mother, but I also don't deserve the blatant disrespect and extra work. I would do anything for either one of them, willingly. I constantly go out of my way, but when do you say enough is enough? Why did I do this to myself?????? Everyday I lurk on this message board, and everyday I count down "only 9 more years until it's over", but I'm only 30. I shouldn't be counting my life away like this, looking forward to turning 40 so my DH and I can go on a vacation together because NO ONE WILL HELP US! his mother will say stuff like "yeah i suffered through that too".. ummm hello? I'm not their bio mother! I didn't plan for this? Where is all this alleged "help?". Oh well, onto more therapy, more ativan, more booze and more hibernation.
Thanks for listening.