SS16 and new car??
My DH went out yesterday for work and came back with a car for his son. All he told me the night before was he was thinking about getting a car and asked what I thought. I said that he should talk first with BM to share future costs of gas, insurance (we paid in full for older son's car insurance, and BM is very unreasonable) and to first set a goal with SS since we have them 50/50 and after bad PAS his 4 kids are still recovering. SS16 is a junior in high school and because of extracurricular activities and summer camp will not be getting a job till after he graduates. I feel he went and bought the car behind my back because all I got the next day was a text from DH saying he was going to look at a car and would be home late. Well he knew he was going to do more than that because he even borrowed a tow trailer from my dad and drive 2 hrs away. Am I overreacting? He doesn't understand why my feelings are hurt but I feel he did things this way because our opinions were different on the timing and he wanted to just go buy it.
I forgot to mention that it's
I forgot to mention that it's that time of the month, so I'm sure DH thinks that's the cause of all this...
I agree with LF, I would also
I agree with LF, I would also be upset with his dishonesty, his unilateral decision making and how stupid he is to think that your time of month is the cause of the issue. Does this mean men have less issues buying cars on the sly with women that have gone through menopause??
I've solved the Disney Dad
I've solved the Disney Dad overspend by making it clear that if SO pisses away his retirement savings on the skids, then I will be fully prepared to cut loose and push the boat out. Most of us simply cannot afford to,starve in our old age because we hook up with a spendthrift later in life.
Oops I forgot to mention it
Oops I forgot to mention it was a used car, i put 'new' in the title by accident, it's new in the sense the kid's never had one before.
It isn't fair nor right. You
It isn't fair nor right. You are justified, and he approached it was easier to ask for forgiveness not permission. You need to sit him down, and explain that this is not ok, and that you expect that the nSS works at least around the house to help cover the costs of this gift.
I agree with the others who
I agree with the others who have hit on the point that DH's behavior indicates clearly that he does not consider you to be his equal an equity partner in your marriage.
If he respected you as his equity partner he would not have acted unilateral in this issue.
That said.... do you want to drive the 16yo around all of the school year and over the summer? I wouldn't want to if I were you.
My parents bought my younger brother a car when he turned 16. That pissed me off to no end. I did not get a car until I was 19. I vented with my parents who very calmly agreed with me that it was not fair and then asked... "Do you want to drive he and his friends around all of the time?" I quickly changed my tune.
In my case.... I had been at boarding school and could not have had a car. My brother was at our local school. I was living at home at that time (I was 21yo) and would not have been thrilled had I been the one who had to schlep my little brother around.
Not exactly a parallel since you are this Skid's SParent but ... one perspective that may make this easier to process.
SO did the same - I don't
SO did the same - I don't care... there's not 5cent of my money in there....
I have no clue how SO will pay for the house, utilities and food for the next couple off months, I don't care, they can chew on the car for Aergia (she does not even have a learners permit thus the car is parked in the garage)
sometimes it's best to say nothing.. sit back and enjoy the fun and make sure your money is not involved
My SO is a mechanic by trade,
My SO is a mechanic by trade, and we have 5 vehicles and 1 boat (good for transport through all this flash flooding).
He wants to "give SD17 the USAGE of a vehicle" rather than give her the car. So that he can take it away when she does not give respect, or if she does something that needs punishment. She doesn't even have a permit!!!! Why reward her laziness.
Although on the flipside, it might be a good carrot to get SD17 out and launched. Hopefully she will get a job after she HOPEFULLY graduates high school.
I don't let that one bother me too much - its his money and it remains to be seen what kind of job she gets and what happens after 18 and graduation.
Your DH was WAY outside the lines of honesty and integrity. You and he need a big discussion - about what was wrong with how he went about things. The key is prevention of future transgressions of this kind. Whats done is done.