About to abort my baby because of SD

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...or should I say, because of Disney Dad.

I have 2 bio kids (boy aged 5 and girl aged 6) that I have part-time and a practically full-time SD aged 6.

Life has become unbearable to the point where I have arranged an abortion for Monday I am 9 weeks pregnant with a much-wanted child. But I cannot live in this environment any longer. And I certainly cannot bring a new baby into it.

SD displays the following daily traits:

* Consistently demanding that she has the largest/cleanest/newest/first/etc of whatever toy/food/object/resource is being distributed to the three children. Failure to service her demand leads to screaming tantrum.

* Bullying/blackmailing my kids if they do not want to play according to her exacting demands, from the subtle: "You're not my friend then" to the extreme: "I hate you" or "I will kill you". Sometimes this will progress further to another of her screaming tantrums.

* If any of her demands are not met, 90% of the time this will lead to screaming tantrum. Location irrelevant: will occur in public as well as private.

* Pitting me against my own children: Asking me to give her toys that I bought for them (even though I buy the 3 children equal amounts - essentially she does not want my children to have anything that she doesn't); pushing inbetween me and my kids if I am giving them affection; sometimes any preferential treatment I give to my kids will result in another of her screaming tantrums.

* Pitting my children against each other; particularly by excluding my son.

* Making my children feel like "visitors" to their own home: "This is MY bedroom, MY house, MY bath". How do you think this makes my children feel when I, their mother, supposedly lives in this house? (like I've adopted SD and relegated them).

* Devaluing my relationship with DP: not allowing him and I to spend even 2 minutes alone together unless she is LITERALLY unconscious asleep.

All this is SPITEFUL, and it makes me fear her. FEAR - because I am powerless to address this situation and the only person capable of addressing it (DP) is simply not prepared to act. Through his pride, stubbornness or guilt, he denies my fears and ignores the inevitable breakdown of this family. Sometimes he gaslights me by saying that she is just acting like a regular kid. Sometimes he gets vicious and says I am "attacking" his child and that I "hate" his child (does pointing out fact equate to hate?)

Needless to say, he hasn't been supporting me during then pregnancy so far. If I lye down for a rest, he will keep a tally and use it against me later. If I am hormonal, he will retaliate. If I am weepy, he will not comfort me.

I guess I just need reassurance that I'm doing the right thing (termination) as this the only way I can rectify the situation is to flee it and start afresh, away from all this drama.

I'm going to assume this was

I'm going to assume this was an unplanned , unexpected pregnancy. Otherwise I'm sitting here scratching my head as to why you wanted to get pregnant in your current environment and situation . Your partner didn't go Disney Dad nor his kid become impossible in just the last couple months.

Whatever you decide, is your own decision...don't your it on your SD.

That's a good point. The baby

That's a good point.

The baby WAS planned, but I was a stupid naive fool who believed all his lip service about addressing his Disney ways. Of course, once I was pregnant, he didn't bother addressing anything and instead things just got A LOT worse.

oh dear.... HOn it's

oh dear.... HOn it's pregnancy hormones speaking and driving you mad, you want this baby why kill it now?
What is DH's say in this, it's his child as well....

Now let the SM Evilness be spread upon you and do as I say....

* Consistently demanding - REPLY with, no SD you are not the only child we will share.

* Bullying/blackmailing my kids if they do not want to play according -TEACH your children to tell we do not want to play with you any way ...

* If any of her demands are not met, 90% of the time this will lead to screaming tantrum SOLUTION drag her to her room and give her time out, over and done with, every time she comes out she gets more minutes

* Putting me against my own children: THIS you allow, change your view on this and simply start telling her SD I'm their mother not yours, ask your DAD or NO SD it's Jenny's toy not yours, When you hug your children and she comes in between, NO SD.. this is rude I was busy talking to Jenny.. wait your turn

* Pitting my children against each other; particularly by excluding my son. This all little girls do, times like these you have one on one with your son, and you use this to teach your son nothing wrong with playing on your own... and if they are really horrible to him, punish both girls... your bio included... to teach them not to be horrible

* Making my children feel like "visitors" to their own home: "This is MY bedroom, MY house, MY bath". This you allow as well, once again feel free to correct her by saying, No SD you are not paying for it, thus it's not yours, I'm paying for it it's mine and you are only visiting. My kids live where i live...

* Disrespecting me: messing my hair when I've just brushed it, following me into the toilet and refusing to leave (I am literally scared to go to the loo in what is supposedly my own home), following me everywhere and refusing to leave, giving me zero privacy, hitting me.
WARWICK - you are allowing her to do this, after you have done your hair ans she lays a finger on it, slap her hand hard and tell her Don't.....Push her firmly out of the loo and lock the door, hell if you have to kick her out do it... I'm angry now

* Devaluing my relationship with DP: simply tell her to shut the eff up you are talking, and then tell DP in front of her, teach your brat some manner you spineless eff tard.... or slap her mouth shut... okay now I'm really angry do not take this advice..

Hon, take control of your house, put your foot down and teach SD NO is NO... she can have tantrums and cries as much as she wants, do not let her win, do not give in, break her evil spirit in 2 she's young.... Leave the parenting to DP, simply tell him you are done with SD, either he steps up or they leave, You have not say once where DP is standing on his parenting... I guess Disney Dad... well then you simply ignore SD and no more baby sitting her, tell DP I'm not watching SD any more, she's rude and disrespectful, you do nothing, thus if you are not here she will not be here... end of discussion

but do not get an abortion while it's still free and because SD wants it, or you can't cope with SD, you are the adult Hon take control...
I would be an evil b!tch and tell SD, I am pregnant and now Daddy will have another child and you have to go away to BM...
yes I am that evil }:)

It is your body and I am of

It is your body and I am of the belief that it is your decision to make immaterial of mine or anyone elses beliefs.

Hi, long time lurker, first

Hi, long time lurker, first post. This site has helped me ALOT when my step family goes sliding down the slope, which it still does on occasion. Hon, I am so sorry to read your post, what a heart wrenching place to be. You have my most heart felt sympathies!!! You have to do what is right for YOU! I have been doing the step family thing for 8 years, and if their is one thing I KNOW to be true is that if your husband does not put your relationship first, it simply can't be done in a sane way. And things get harder, not better, as the kids get older, especially if you have a Disney Dad. Get a good lawyer and get out! And if you can't bring a baby into this mess, don't feel guilty. You should not have to be tied to this man for the rest of your life if you don't want to be. In the end it is YOUR decision, because it is your body. You have to put yourself and your existing children first, because no one else in your family is. I am sending you internet hugs, and best wishes.
Topaz

This is very rude from you,

This is very rude from you, when you needed advice you hated people attacking you, why are you attacking OP now, she's never done anything to you...

thus never think you will get support on this site again, it's this bitchiness that cause people not to believe you or try and help you....

You are just a disgusting person, I've given you benefit of doubt but it ends today , it's very clear you are here to cause trouble and you are basically a troll... none of your stories where ever true

Is it safe to assume that

Is it safe to assume that blue edited her response???

that's her original response

and I find it rude - if you don't find it rude... then so be it, we have different feelings and views

you definitely did not read

you definitely did not read your blogs and comments all....

lots of ladies supported you, but now you think because you got bullied you can bully new posters..
Can't you remember how you felt? Why not support new posters... like allot of us supported you...

nah you are bogus.... if you where for real you never would've posted this on a newbie's account - so you gave yourself away... I will never support you again

you ignore the bad comments

you ignore the bad comments and you should focus on the good ones... now go back and read your own stuff....

We never tell people to stop, that's why there's a flag button..

Only you can make this

Only you can make this decision. Keep in mind that the father of the toxic Skid(s) is the father of your baby. This represents a life long relationship with the father and the Skids not only for you but most significantly for this baby.

I am not sure I could terminate the pregnancy were I you but I would for sure be developing strategies for how to minimize interface with and the influence of this shallow and polluted gene pool on your own child.

Good luck.

For the sake of disclosure... I am a man.

You're feeling overwhelmed I

You're feeling overwhelmed I know but please consider that none of this is the baby!s fault. The place to call is a pregnancy crisis center that can give you solutions and counseling.

I agree with all of this. DH

I agree with all of this.

DH needs to start parenting and if that means you need to constantly remind him, than do so.

If his kid does all of this crap and you feel powerless, it's as simple as telling her to go in her room. If she doesn't, you physically put her in her room or have your husband do it. Let her throw a tantrum all she wants but DH needs to parent her.

Are you paying bills in this house? Contributing to groceries, utilities, rent/mortgage? If so, than it's entirely your call. If DH doesn't agree, stop paying anything towards the household and tell him you prefer not to pay towards a place you don't have a say in and can't live in peace in.

It's that simple. If you can't be respected in your own house, than you're essentially a guest so you don't pay for shit. Home owners/renters have a BIG say in their own homes, guests do not.

"Take control of that little

"Take control of that little brat and fix your relationship with your DH."

If only it were that easy. Sounds like sd and Dh's Disney relationship is set in stone. A new baby would only exacerbate the situation even more and likely make sd's behavior regress. A child with DH signs OP up for a lifetime being attached to sd and this roller coaster dynamic that she and all of her children have to deal with.

The child is 6 but the man

The child is 6 but the man isn't. He's the one who has to change and he is not malleable and he isn't even nice.

I have to agree that op will be chained to sd for life if she has children with this man. She already feels this girl mistreats her school age children--how terrifying would it be to send a little baby over for visitation with a hostile older child around and a man who can't supervise?

I think we have a lot of stepparents here who have their own children harmed or negatively affected by a skid. Often those parents are advised to leave. But if their child is half-sibling to the scary skid, stepparent divorcing only leaves that child to deal with the skid on their own w/o a defender.

We've also seen skids influencing younger half-sibs, even waging their own PAS campaigns.

Yes the child is malleable at

Yes the child is malleable at 6, but is DH? Read up on the Adult Steptalk forum and hear about disney dads treating their 20-40 yr olds the same way this 6 year old is being treated. Some parents will continue to enable their children literally to death, their wife and everyone else be damned.

About half siblings; it's common for half siblings to go between their other siblings houses. Several posters deal with their SO's ex step children. My youngest gets dragged to exH1's house by his older siblings. BM would be connected to the half sibling through her child, the child will be influenced by that relationship which will affect BM. If life were antiseptic we could cleanly cut ties never having an undesired person wander into our consciousness or lives again. And if we could all whip 6 yr olds and our SO's into shape there would be no need for this forum.

This week I learned that my half brothers older half sister died from liver failure. She had been an alcoholic most of her adult life and leaves behind several young adult children. This affects my half brother, which affects much of my family and it affects me. The sadness affects us all since we are loosely connected though not genetically related to her.

Oh geez! She is 6! I thought

Oh geez! She is 6! I thought she was an 18 yr old who was trying to push you down the stairs or poison you for getting pregnant!

Just tell her no. And if she has a tantrum ... well my BFF had a tantrum thrower. Child #3 who just wanted to be the only child. Yeah, go figure THAT one out! BFF would be humiliated by her antics. And one day while at the mall she didn't get what she wanted. Tantrum ensued. So BFF gathered her shopping and her other 3 children and walked away. Just kept on walking. #3 picked herself up and RAN to catch up screaming all the way. Threw herself down in front of her mother who stepped around her and kept walking. Same thing happened. #3 picked herself up... rinse and repeat about 5 times. A Security Officer asked her if she was OK. BFF told him her daughter is throwing a tantrum and she has her hands full and was taking everyone home. He waited with #3 at the edge of the parking garage until BFF drove around and picked #3 up. The next time they went shopping #3 stayed with me. She didn't like that either. But after about 1 more session she got an attitude change and is now the nicest young lady.

You CAN get control over this girl. I am sure she doesn't behave like this in school. You need to tell her NO. Push her out of the bathroom and lock the door. If there isn't a lock put a door wedge under it. If she does the MY house MY room crap (and my own kids tried that) just tell her as she isn't paying the bills she is not the boss. Tantrum? OK you must need a nap. The Dr said girls who make a fuss and scream need a nap and are over tired. So We are going to watch a movie while you nap OK? No... you are still screaming so you need a nap. Girls who DON'T scream DON'T need a nap.

As for DH he is going to protect his daughter because he sees you picking on her and pointing out all the flaws his daughter has. Do you ever tell him anything good she does?

I think this is the first time a woman has allowed a 6 yr old to bully her into a termination for a wanted baby. That is giving her the ultimate power and you will resent her for the rest of your life and haunt her afterwards.

If you abort your child you

If you abort your child you will forever feel resentful of the kids for "forcing" you to abort your child. Stop letting other people influence your decision about your body/child. Do you want to be a mom? Do you think you can be a good mom to your child regardless of other people's children?

This is what I was thinking.

This is what I was thinking. As I read it, poster is in essence allowing a 6 year old to determine the future of the child in her womb. If that is not giving a 6 year old 12 tons too much power in a home/marriage, I don't know what is.

Are you planning on staying with your DH and the rotten 6 year old? It kind of doesn't sound like it to me. So are you considering terminating because you don't want to have a baby with your (soon to be) ExH or are you considering terminating because you plan on staying and don't want another child to have to endure the misery that SD brings for the next 12 years (or more)

I guess I don't understand how you can say that the baby was much wanted/planned 9 weeks ago and now suddenly is not? Surely SD didn't suddenly become a turd in the past 9 weeks? And you're still there, so apparently SD being a brat is OK for your other kids to endure, but not this one?

Does your DH know that you are planning to terminate?

Forget the little girl skid.

Forget the little girl skid. She is irrelevant to me because your man sounds bad enough all on his own. I recommend ditching this guy altogether. He's mean to you. That's the exact opposite of what a romance is for. The OPPOSITE.

I would keep in mind that

I would keep in mind that hormones can run pretty wild when you're pregnant, so don't make any quick decisions. I've been there and I've had an abortion that came about from serious depression while pregnant. Things do get better. If you talk to DH and explain to him what he needs to do to make this pregnancy (and your relationship in general) better and you can't come to a conclusion that makes you happy, think about leaving. But you wanted this baby. I'm very pro choice but I think that choice MUST be made in the right mindset. You weren't hormonal when you decided to get pregnant. You ARE hormonal when you're deciding to terminate. Think it through first.

XOXO this is a rough time for you but we're here.

(((HUGS)))) I am so sorry you

(((HUGS))))

I am so sorry you are going thru this awful turmoil.

Truly I am. No advise. Just support, understanding and great compassion.

In regards to child support

In regards to child support sd6 will always get the biggest percentage of support because she is a child from the 1st family. OP's child would be court ordered less because in the US children from second families are lesser than in the eyes of the law.

**My apologies OP, I have no idea which country you live in.

You have to do what's right

You have to do what's right for you and your existing children. If your plan is to flee from this situation then it would be significantly easier w/out a child of his in tow.

Unless I missed it there is no mention of you and DP being married, is that right? Does DP know about your plan or are you doing this w/out his knowledge?

Hugs to you during this hard time and difficult decision. You have many *sistas* out here who are in support of you whatever your decision is.

Don't get an abortion.. give

Don't get an abortion.. give that baby to me.

You are here

About to abort my baby because of SD