Maybe you should go all out Exorcist on him. He's nuts.

DH has 50/50 custody. What does SS do after school on BM's weeks? After school program may not do every other week spots. (The one here does not) BM will not be happy if he messes up her after school arrangements (and in this case I wouldn't blame her)

Even if day care would do an every other week spot, this is not a good idea. If baby is napping at 2pm you may want/need to nap too.
Babies don't allow full night sleep for moms and moms need to nap.

I did exactly what your DH wants you to do when BS4 was born, only in September so it was still warm. My experienced advice: NOOOOOOOOOO! It is the worst! Not only are you sore, tired, and hormonal, what happ be when you finally get newborn to sleep and realize you should have put him/her in the car seat, cause now you have to go! NOOOOO NOOO NOOO!

Edit to add: I forgot to even address the homework! No fricking way. Maybe it wouldn't happen to you but for me I had to use a calculator for things like 5+7.

Don't do it! Hormones will hit you and you will lash out at the first annoying thing you lays your eyes on and it will be your SS. Then your DH will be mad at you for taking it out on your skid for being hormonal. Don't set yourself up for that. If you "do his homework" with SS for him then guess who will get the blame when the kid's grades aren't good or the kid isn't turning stuff in on time? Yep, don't do it to yourself. Tell your DH that the whole reason you are taking off work is so you can focus solely on the baby. If he wants to cancel after school care then he needs to ask if BM can keep him and do his homework with him until your DH is ready to collect him. You're not a nanny, not a teacher and not his mother and even though it's easier for HIM, he's putting a lot on you at a time when you're going to need to recoup.

The baby will sleep a lot for about two to three days. Then the real fun starts. It's almost guaranteed that once you've got the baby settled down for a nap, it will be time to get your step. When it's homework time, that's when she'll want to nurse. It's just the law of the universe.
Not just no, but fuck no.
Take it from someone that has done the baby thing three times... The last thing you'll be up for is caring for someone else's kid.

ETA: He does understand that he helped create this baby and will be responsible for part of her care, right? If he thinks for one second that he doesn't have to help change diapers or wake up to bring the baby to you at night to nurse, he's wrong. Stay at home moms deserve a break as much as the next person.

Having birthed three children, my immediate take on this is HELL NO.

I'm nodding in agreeance with uofarkchick and superjew and, well, basically everyone else.

Not only is it stressful, especially the first time around, it's also a luxury to have that time to bond, focus on breastfeeding (if that's what you choose), and just basically find your groove.

What your DH is suggesting is basically going to rob you of your whole experience. Gah, yeah, if it's not a matter of finances, just say no.

I went through this exact thing, twice. My sd was 6 when my first was born, and she was 8 with my second. The worst part was being pregnant, tired, emotional, working, sick (my second pregnancy was rough/scary) a mommy to a one year old, AND dealing with DH's absurd expectations of me to do SD duty. I am actually surprised I didn't have a nervous breakdown or just leave. Glad I didn't- things are good/better now - but- one thing I did with baby #2 was almost flat-out refuse to help out with SD and her school/activities schedule. Sure it meant DH had to. It also meant he was suddenly resourceful enough to find help! Inlaws came, after school programs used, etc. There are plenty of ways to solve this problem that DONT involve you.

So I agree with other posters that your DH is being a selfish ass. In those early days/weeks after becoming a mom for the FIRST time, you're going to be freaked out, hormonal, exhausted, and blissed-out-in-love with your new baby. The thing you're not going to have the energy for is keeping track of dh and bm's school-aged child and his schedule.

I think this must be a common scenario as I posted on it once before and now have friends who are finding themselves with similar dilemmas while pregnant.... Not sure what that says about the guys, or me, I guess...

But the reality is a lot of men with kids believe that if you're home you owe them childcare. Doesn't matter how much money you were making, how hard you worked for your career before. Nothing like several months of maternity leave to make you the ultimate fill-in cook, chauffeur and nanny. I don't mean to sound horribly pessimistic - I do think this speaks to the residual sexism in our society and the fact that many men are just not as progressive as they claim to be/seem to be.

But if your DH is really supportive of you, as a person, his partner, the future mother of his child, he will have your back while you take on one of life's biggest adjustments. Good luck to you. Enjoy that baby (:

Simply give DH the bitch look and say - SS is not my kid, I'm not his nanny....

I am taking 6 months off to bond with my child, I will not look after SS and I will not do his homework, that's your and BM's responsibility.... and remember this child I am having is your as well, you have a responsibility toward this child as well... no get lost and sort this out with BM, I have no interest in raising a child that I did not bring into this world.

Then you decide if you are going to blame hormones or if you are just going to take control and tell people how it will be

I don't get why your husband would want to throw more change at his ds.

His ds has to get used to a new baby, the dynamics within your family will adjust as any family that move from one to two children.

What happens when you go back to work you now have to find another after school club,if you can not get him back into the one he is in now, so more change and upset for your SS.

Surely it is better to continue SS routine as is so he knows whats happening.

Also why are you covering all the costs for the new baby surely your DH is as responsible as you are for the costs.

I'm having twins in May by c-section and my DH is taking three weeks off of work. After that I'll be on my own with all the kiddos (including SS8) the whole summer. I'll even continue to watch SS8 on BM's Tuesdays like I always do. I am not a doormat by any means but it really doesn't bother me, I seem to thrive in the chaos of kids and family. Not saying you should do the same but just that there are women out there like me who don't mind watching additional kids even with a new baby.

I wouldn't and won't be watching my SD5 when I'm on maternity leave. DH and I are planning for a baby and although he never asked me, I just went ahead and told him "by the way, my maternity leave will be focused on the baby, I won't be able to do pick ups/drop offs for SD so don't plan for it" and he totally understood. He was shocked I even felt the need to tell him that, considering he's always done pickups/dropoffs and having a newborn is exhausting (so i've heard).

I will probably help out more with SD than I normally do because I won't be working, but there's no expectations on me whatsoever. I haven't had a break from work in 4 years and my job is super busy so i'm sure any spare time i have, i'll be checking into work.

I have never birthed a child so I can't chime in here with "I drove 2 hours after giving birth so you should do car pool duty the day you give birth or you are a worthless leach."

Fact: The 6 year old is NOT YOUR CHILD. You are not responsible for that child anymore than for the next door neighbor who'd probably also like someone to provide day care for her child.

WTF - why can't people understand that very, very, very few people give a sh*t about providing care for other's children when they have zero resources left to even take a shower. period. dot. I may not have given birth, but I am not stupid so I know that it takes a tremendous toll on one's body - and then add in care for a newborn.

And for people to make the argument that "you are not working and earning money for those weeks so you should obey your DH's demands" - RIDICULOUS. ABSURD.

I made a great salary while I was working. And I invested it well. If I'd taken off for a few weeks or months even for any reason I would have not been a leach. So my not having a paycheck for a few weeks (months) would have been no reason for my DH to foist his worthless crotch dropping (yes I used those words on purpose) on me.

Having a vagina does not mean that one must provide childcare for others anytime one is off work.

My DH tried the same with me. I said no and he didn't even suggest it for the second child. The bottom line is maternity leave is meant for time with you and your child. Period. It'll be better for SS6 to have time to play with kids his age during that time rather than be at home watching tv or playing video games. You don't "owe" this to your DH because you are taking partial unpaid leave. If you couldn't afford it, I assume you've already worked the money part out.