A Stepmom's Holiday Experience
In celebration of the joyous season coming up, thought I’d post this in reference to a Stepmom’s Holiday experience, for some of us. . .
If you show up to family Christmas party: What in the H- is that bee doing here?
If you don’t show up to family Christmas party: That bee didn’t come. Yep, she hates us.
If everyone loves the casserole that you and your husband Jim brought with and you made: Wow! What a fantastic casserole. Jim this is great!
If the casserole is even remotely burnt, or too salty, etc.: Yuck! What is that bee trying to do—kill us!?
If everyone loves their presents that both you and your husband brought: Wow! Thank you so much Jim/daddy/bro. for this wonderful gift! It was so generous of you.
If anyone doesn’t like or thinks they got a puny gift: Yep, bee ripped us off again. I’m sure her kids/relatives got twice as much.
If you’re even a tad overdressed or a little loud, or actually seem to be enjoying yourself: I see bee is trying to hog the limelight again. What does she think she’s doing? She’s not the host.
If you’re underdressed and very quiet and only speak when spoken to: Geesh, bee actually seems to be minding her place this time. Maybe she’s finally getting it.
If a call goes out for family pictures and you go up and stand next to your husband of XX years: Gasps!, dead-silence, raised-eyebrows. Someone says, “We said family,” with a scowl, as they glance your way. When family pictures come out, your head is somehow cut-off. But, SS’s GF of two months is included.
If a call goes out for family pictures and you don’t go up and stand next to your husband of XX years: Someone says, “Isn’t great that we can come here every year and get a picture of ALL of us together.”
Feel free to add--good or bad! 
Everybody (husband and wives
Everybody (husband and wives get nice expensive presents from us), my husband gets 100.00's in personal gift cards from SD'S, you get one flower bulb one year and the next year a couple of plastic covers for a pot; this happens for several years. Your a b if you want to be treated similar to husband , otherwise you are a b who only deserves a flower bulb. Birthdays come,he gets presents and dinner out; you of course do not exist.
Everybody agrees to bring a "covered dish," to your home for the annual worship celebration-- so you would not have to work as hard. One brings about 12 store bought cookies on a plate, the other brings mashed potatoes still in the same pot they were cooked; two others nothing at all, and that may be why I am a b....????
Geeze, Merry F...Christmas...Jingle Bells, Cockle Shells, Something in the Grass, take your Merry Christmas Tree and Shove it Up Your a........
It's hopeless.....I'm never going to torture myself like this again. I 'd rather be alone than being there and being alone.
Oh yes, I forgot to throw
Oh yes, I forgot to throw that same exact card thing in, wow, both of us b's because we noticed, huh?
I know right, that is the
I know right, that is the Skid game plan, after all. But, we all know who the Beee is....
You've spent many years
You've spent many years putting up with his shitty adult kids; cooking meals and planning your holidays around them just to have them not show up or show up for five minutes just to get their gifts. You never get anything and they don't even say thank you.
Your DH finally sees how disturbing it is for you and says it's YOUR turn for the holidays this year, so what do you want to do? You only have two days off, so you ask to go to your cabin in the mountains for a peaceful getaway.
Lo and behold, SD's three year old would LOVE to see snow for the first time, so he invites them up.
FML.
Yep. Happening this year!
Yep. Happening this year! Yay!
The only saving grace is that I like SGS and SD's boyfriend. DH has agreed to move across the country this summer, so I'm hoping the days of drama and agony are over. I'm ready for a new start.
Love this one!!!
Love this one!!!
Got another one— If DH
Got another one—
If DH accidentally stands under the mistletoe: BM/ex- comes running up, grabs his cheeks and smacks him on the lips, making sure her lipstick smears. Everyone starts laughing and says, “Good one!” DH looks sheepish and then starts laughing too.
If you accidentally stand under the mistletoe: No one makes a move or even blinks. DH glances your way and takes another swig of beer.
this is so funny and yet so
this is so funny and yet so true!!
Love this. Thanks for posting
Love this. Thanks for posting what all of us have gone through at one time or another. Thankfully, I no longer exchange gifts with SS or SD. DH gifts them. Fine by me. He's got a huge family and I do most of the shopping, etc., for everyone else anyway. It's weird about the photos. It's a moment in time, some fake smiles pasted on a few of those faces for sure but ironic too. The holidays are supposed to be about opening your heart and being serene but when it comes to these damaged adult stepkids, peace is just about the last thing that ever happens.
"Since MIL insisted that only
"Since MIL insisted that only one gift could be opened at a time, all eyes were on me as I unwrapped mine. And it was... one, light blue, square fabric potholder."
Hindsight being 20/20 don't you wish you'd made a really big fuss over what an amazing wonderful thoughtful gift it was?
Can you imagine them all sitting there staring at you while you thank them profusely for the lovely pot holder, and how did they know that your favorite colour was blue? It was just so thoughtful of the them to want to protect your hand while you toil away in a hot kitchen. And now no one will have to worry about what to get you next year! A pot holder for the other hand of course! Again so thoughtful and giving in the true spirit of Christmas!
Honestly, I don't know how you did it for so many years.
This year our holiday will be
This year our holiday will be a quiet one as I am having surgery three days prior. It is SOOO nice to know I do not have to tiptoe around SD's moods during the holidays now. No more snide comments when Daddy isn't near. No more being invisible most of the time. No more of the constant eye rolling and deep sighs. No more being SD's maid while she sits on her butt. No more mumbled sideline conversations with her hubby. No more of the used, cheap junk I would receive from her so she could still look like a generous angel to DH. Ya, the pain from the surgery is nothing compared to enduring another Christmas with SD.
Good luck and excellent
Good luck and excellent timing, win/win!
Thanks.
Thanks.
My personal favorite nothing
My personal favorite nothing is his/her child's fault even when caught, but your child is always guilty.
Head in the sand, guilt, it's all crazy!
I wish I would have found
I wish I would have found this support group years ago.. I think my self esteem would have been saved. Has anyone had adult skids take photos of the meals you make to show their Bio moms? Or rummage through your personal papers and things while you are work and they are staying at your house over the Holidays? My husband forces me to go to events and if I don't stay "engaged" he gets very upset with me and explodes. I've tried to ignore the hatred and very clever degrading remarks from them. I'm always being watched and measured in my own home. I'm resentful because I end up buying the gifts for 3 skids and their grandchildren each year with no help from their father finacially. My two children do not treat my husband the way that I get treated. Why is it so different for the step mom's then it is for the step dads? Can anyone answer that? My husband has been divorced over 20 years now and married to me for 8 years.
I also love the phrase "Friends don't let friends marry men with daughters"
I actually don't see much
I actually don't see much mystery to "Why is it so different for the step mom's then it is for the step dads"? Step-dad is living with or married to bio-mom. By far the majority of the time, BM is primary custodial parent, and there is definite connection there with BM that is not quite there with bio-dad. BM remains a parent to her kids pretty much status quo, and promotes step-dad as the new dad. I have even seen weddings were step-dad will exchange rings with not only mom, but her kids as well. BM usually either covertly, unconsciously or intentionally goes on to say here is your new pa, forget about the old one and his new wife or ho. ETC.
Meanwhile, bio-dad is suffering from guilty-dad syndrome, not knowing what to do, missing his kids terribly. He no longer has much, if any parental role with them, and he is willing to suck up to them just to keep any kind of relationship going. Bio-dad goes on to marry another woman, and then, Bingo!, classic issues arise when bio-dad won't put his foot down with his kids and lets them walk all over him.
"It's very common for the
"It's very common for the children of the wife to accept her husband much better than the children of the father to accept the wife."
That's very true. Any ideas why that might be? It's been several years since I read Stepmonster. Anyone remember if she has any ideas?
Good thoughts. #1 doesn't
Good thoughts. #1 doesn't really apply to us, though. In fact, his relationship with me noticeably improved his Dad's standard of living and future prospects.
#2 could well apply. Although my bios were seldom or never in residence while SS was here, I do have expectations, some of which I probably am not even aware of.
I think there's a #3--The infamous female-on-female relational aggression gets transmitted through the kid. I know that was at least partly the case with us. That doesn't explain situations where BM is not on the scene, either by choice or by death. So I'm still left scratching my head.
Ah. Bingo.
Ah. Bingo.
Happy anniversary?
Happy anniversary?
"My two children do not treat
"My two children do not treat my husband the way that I get treated."
Same here, only I have 3 bios. DD26, who is struggling professionally and financially, gave US a gift certificate, in an envelope addressed to BOTH OF US, for one of our favorite local restaurants. SS26, who is making a boatload of bucks at a job I helped finance his training for, and which he probably loves, gave us ... well, gave his Dad ... a pair of cheap gloves. Oh, and the pleasure of his company on a trip to a nearby ski resort a couple of days after Christmas.
Things are such that I didn't really even think about it until days later. I hope SS26, the chintzy little sh!t, at least paid for gas or picked up DH's lift ticket or something. I do know that they did not, as has been their custom in the past, share a restaurant meal after skiing all day; DH inhaled half the contents of the fridge when he got home. I hope DH (who is very butt hurt because I don't like his son) sees the comparison that our two darlings themselves set up unbidden.