You are here

How did/do you feel when your stepkids are around your new baby?

Alibiabz's picture

Submitted by Alibiabz on Sun, 10/30/2016 - 5:11am

Forums: 
Blended Family Issues

I'm after other stories to help validate my possessive feelings.
Me and my partner have a 5 month old baby, and while I'm very fond of his two kids (3 & 6) and it's lovely that they don't display any obvious signs of jealousy towards our child, sometimes I get so wound up seeing them crowd him all the time and stroking his head like a pet abd asking "is it my turn to hold him" as if he's a play thing.

I realise they are children and actually my feelings are really rather stupid, I can't help it. Anybody else have similar?

Peridwen's picture

Submitted by Peridwen on Sun, 10/30/2016 - 8:43am

I felt the same with BS4 when he was a baby. He was my first and I was oh-so-careful with him. SS was 5/6 and SD was 7. Both of them wanted to hold and play with him all the time, and it made me nervous since they weren't as gentle with him as I'd have liked. But DH and I laid down the "rules" of playing with BS and it helped a lot. And while I was/am a lot more relaxed with BS1.5, we have the same rules for him we did for his older brother (BS4 has to follow these rules also, not just the older kids. And now that SD is 11 and SS is 10, they are allowed to lift/carry BS1.5.)

1. NO lifting or carrying the baby.
2. NO roughhousing around the baby.
3. If you want to hold the baby, you will sit still on the couch or armchair. Mom/Dad will lift the baby into your lap and will be right near you.
4. Only baby toys near the baby. Big kid toys must stay away or get thrown out if baby tries to eat them. And he will try to eat anything he can reach.
5. If Mom/Dad says baby needs his space, you stay away just like we do for you when you want time to yourself.
6. Helping is good from big brother/sister. Interfering is bad. If you ask before you do, we will consider it helping, even if we choose not to accept your help. If you don't ask first it is interfering and possibly dangerous and there will be consequences.
6. It will be unfair at times. Mom/Dad will do what is best for baby even if you feel it is unfair. It's not that we don't love you or want you to love your brother. As he gets older you will be able to do more with him.

And then down the road as the baby gets older and the shine wears off, you'll feel protectiveness over the fact that your steps DON'T want to play with your baby when he wants to play with them. Wink All a natural cycle of sibling relationships.

Your feelings aren't stupid, they're normal. Controlling them and expressing them in a healthy way is the important part.

Ladystark's picture

Submitted by Ladystark on Sun, 10/30/2016 - 10:01am

Yeah even if you do not think they will hurt the baby, they might. You always have to be on guard.

My bs loves his baby sister, but when he was little he would go from playing nicely with her to putting toys right in her face. God, id get so irritated with that, and annoyed. Or he would want to pile toys ontop of her. And even now they are all bigger but i can only tolerate so much.

If you feel it becoming to much. Then its to much end of story.

lintini's picture

Submitted by lintini on Sun, 10/30/2016 - 3:49pm

I didn't even come out of our bedroom when MIL came over and picked up SS15 to come see his new week old half sister.

I was a weepy, emotional mess, crying when I didn't know why, and the last thing I needed was seeing DH pass the baby to MIL and SS15.

DD is 3 months old now and SS never asks to hold her but he thinks she's alright. This has probably been a good birth control lesson for him, and his mom is currently pregnant too.

My only issue now is that my DH is super lazy and he will try to pass off the baby to SS when he's tired of holding her and it pisses me off so much.