Help!!! Going insane!!
sorry so long just want to try to fit as many facts in as possible...Just wondering if anyone else has been/are in the spot we are in and how they dealt with it. My husband and I have been married for over a year together almost 3 he has a 9 yr old daughter from a previous marriage. He and BM have been divorced for 5 years which she kept SD away from him for 5 months in the beginning but came around and when the papers where signed he got his visitation. He has always payed his CS on time and even gave more than ordered along with other things SD needed. Fast forward 2 years Me and DH are dating I ask to meet BM before I meet SD out of respect everything went fine then he moved 2 hours away to my home. BM throws a fit saying that SD can't come for visits DH would have to come down there if he wanted to see his daughter even went as far as the only way he could see SD on her birthday was for him to stay there at her place! Naturally I got mad because as a mother myself I felt that is out of line he should have SD on his times. We were finally able to get SD overnights at our house then found out I was pregnant BM threw yet another fit cussing DH up and down keeping SD away yet again telling him he was sorry, a bad father and how he brought this woman into their lives, then telling SD that daddy doesn't love her anymore that he is having another baby just to replace her she will never see him again because he will be to busy so on and so on we take her to court turns out she snuck "sole managing" in the finally orders which the new courts denied and did joint custody. While in our care we found out SD had witnessed BM and boyfriend in sexual acts because doors were left open, BM had hit her and left bruises on her with a door stopper, and also BM rolling "cigars". Before we could get the test results back from drug tests she decided to move 18 hours away (found out the day of trial) only gave 2 weeks notice which now she can't come but twice a year because of how much plane flights are and not enough time for a weekend visit...BM also moved her and SD in with a man SD has never even met before(BM has had 9 different men live with her in 2 1/2 yrs)...I know she did this to keep SD away she knew she was losing her control/power and SD couldn't be a pawn anymore so she moved away to make sure she keeps it. SD now don't really speak to DH doesn't ask about her baby brother or My BD who are always joined at the hip like BM is brain washing her!! We don't know what to do or how to deal with this its not healthy for SD at all just feel hopeless...
I'm stuck on the 5 biokids, 3
I'm stuck on the 5 biokids, 3 marriages and your DH voluntarily moving 2 hours away from HIS daughter which caused the difficulties. Now, BM moves SD 1400 miles away with court permission apparently and you are upset.
Your DH needs a second job to pay for plane tickets to at least fly monthly to see the child that he used to see every week. Or, your family could choose to move closer to BM so that DH could maintain his relationship with his child. Or ...
Perhaps I am misreading your post or maybe it's just late. The BM in this situation -- although most likely guilty of poor parenting moments -- is definitely more appealing than your righteous SM-outrage routine. Your DH has demonstrated by his actions how he values his children. Protect your latest "our" baby because he may treat this baby as he treated his other child. Good luck in your relationship.
You know what I love my SD I
You know what I love my SD I really do it was rocky at first but we got past it I don't claim to be "self righteous" but there is a big difference between 2 hours and 18 hours. Yes I have 5 kiddos from 3 marriages sometimes things don't work out so why are you throwing stones? You don't know why those marriages ended but you want to make it out like I'm something that I'm not. I love all the kiddos the same I make it a point for my children to have good relationships with their dad I don't butt into his life I don't make my kids think their father don't love them I have even taken them over 1 1/2 away for them to see their dad when he don't have a way to its co parenting even with the girlfriend because she is in their lives also. The kids shouldn't have to pay for parents mistakes or if it just simply didn't work out. As far as rant your dang right I am ranting this is a place to do just that to talk and get advise. If I'm wrong ok cool I accept that but when you sit there and do what she is doing trying to make it that difficult for the father/child bond your wrong! I know we all make mistakes but when you know your doing it just to be vindictive your sorry in my book I just wanted to know what can be done if any or if anyone else is going through this and how they work it didn't ask for judgement. Thank you have a nice day
He still went down and got
He still went down and got her every other weekend always talked to her on the phone yes he moved 2 hours away but to move 18 hours away? Isn't that more of big deal than the 2? Is he just supposed to follow BM everywhere she goes? He can't make a life without having to ok it with BM? Only time it was an issue is when BM didn't have control over DH anymore that's what it all comes down to. Thought I would get some advice on how to help deal with this but all I'm getting is back lash
That's the thing he did make
That's the thing he did make every effort to see and have time with her. First she moved an hour away then he moved this was so it made that distance not just him she did as well. Even when he was living at the same place she would keep SD away from him for months at a time. I'm not just trying to make her look bad like I stated there have been wrongs all around but when you go to the courts to get the visitation right in stone so she can't keep her away for months at a time because things aren't going her way (and I mean that not just being bitter) that kind of paints the picture of herself not me. She lied in court so many times even with us having the documented proof just so she didn't have to "share" (her words not mine) with BD. I am not depend on him I have a better job than he does. We was in the process of moving back down that way for that reason so he could be closer to her.
Your husband made the choice
Your husband made the choice to move away from his kid and move in with you and all of your kids. He could have stayed put and told you to move in with him.
Now that mom has made the choice to move in order to be with her new love, you want your cry foul.
Both parents have made the choice to put living with the man/woman they love ahead of the kid having more time with dad.