My SD is going on 15 and is becoming quite the handful.

This month has been the 5th+ time she has broken a cell phone. Seems like every three months it's one thing or another and the bottom line is that she just doesn't know how to take care of anything. Her room is a pigsty as she just throws things around; not taking care of a single thing. The previous time her cell phone broke was when she'd gotten her sleeve caught on the bedroom door and her phone went flying out of her hand and crashed into pieces all over the floor. Most recently she was pouring herself a glass of water and dumped water all over her phone.

Her dad has told her previous to this that he'd buy her one more, but the next one was going to be on her. I don't really think she believed this until he put his foot down and told her that no more. She had money saved and should have given it to us after she broke the last one, but of course, didn't. Luckily she had some left over from Christmas and THIS time under no uncertain terms, she was to have mom send us a check for the amount of the phone.

I'm sure she's blaming this on me as all crap rolls down hill and I'm the speed bump. Who other to blame than the stepmom that expects her to take responsibility for her things or there will be no more. Fortunately her dad has started backing me up on these things as we're not made of money.

Every time I take her shopping, I ALWAYS buy her nice things. She starts our very appreciative and thankful, yet after the money we can afford is spent, she's always looking for more and when I tell her no; she of course calls Daddy and he tells her yes.

Her Dad and I have had discussions about this, which I call "Playing both ends against the middle". If I tell her no..it means no; not that she can turn around and call Daddy and get her own way. This will not work with me and I've put my own foot down and told him that if this continues to be the case, I will no longer take her shopping.

I'm good to her..actually VERY good to her at all times, especially when it comes to taking her shopping. At one point, she needed bras badly. She showed up wearing a bra that was so stretched out it was practically falling off her. She has asked me if I'd take her bra shopping as she hates going with Grandma (why should Grandma have to take her?? Shouldn't this be a job for Mom??); but she also told me that she hates going with her mom also; feeling much more comfortable going with me.

Victoria's Secret was having their Semi-Annual Sale at less than $15.00 per bra, so I bought her several. Being fairly busty at 14, I wanted her to have something that was acceptable to teens and not some "Mom bra" that she would certainly get teased about. I DO remember being a teenager and this being her Freshman year, I wanted her to have something she'd feel comfortable and "pretty" in.

Of course her Dad wasn't happy about the amount of money I'd spent, but what do men understand about girl's underthings and how they feel in them at 15 years old.

She appreciated it immensely, for as long as that lasted; since before long she was asking for other things the next time we got together.

I bought her several really cute outfits from RUE 21, which she was really excited about, took her out for Chinese; along with a few of her other favorite places to eat for lunch and thought we were having an absolutely fantastic time. We've always gotten along terrifically, but as always, when we run out of money, there's always more and more that she wants.

This time she wanted her dad to order her a glove for Color Guard ($35.00), along with getting her nails done. In addition, she wanted me to take her for her expensive by the lb. ice cream; all of which I tried to explain to her that we just didn't have the money for. Her reply (as always), was that she'd pay us back; yet we all know that never happens.

This should have gone without discussion, but she chose to argue with me, telling me that she needed this expensive glove; and me telling her that her dad and I were on a limited budget also. I shouldn't have needed to explain to her that we had a roof to replace; in addition to my having school expenses to pay for, and could her mom and stepdad possibly pay for the glove for Color Guard??

Well she bugged me all day about getting her nails done and that she wanted to go to the cheapest place possible and again, that she's pay it back. I stood my ground and told her I'd take her, but would take her to a better place and I myself would pay for it. Explained to her that I didn't want her to get an infection from the el-cheapo place she wanted to go to as it was filthy. Having my Cosmetology License, I know what to look for and this place was nothing but a possible limb loss it was so completely disgusting. Her reply was that her and Grandma go there all the time and never have any issues.

Fine..I took her there, but not before I called her Dad and told him that if she got an infection, it wasn't going to be on my watch. I told him that I'd pay for the more expensive place but his reply was to just take her where she wanted to go. So as I watched the nail tech use filthy tools on her, etc., I paid for it with disgust and we went on with our day. A few hours later she was already picking at it saying they didn't do a very good job.

I rest my case on that one..

THEN she wanted her expensive ice cream. At this point I was getting a little tired of all of her "wants" and told her no. She again called Daddy on that one too and of course, being tired of all her wants..what was an extra $8 bucks so she got her expensive ice cream too!!

Ugh!!!

I had promised her one more 20 mile trip to visit our favorite Chinese place and as we were driving, she was texting away to her Dad. Little does she know that I have access to all of his accounts as there have never been any secrets between us as a family. She went on about how I "questioned" her about her mom and stepdad possibly buying her the glove for Color Guard; that her Mom DOES buy her things; and how DARE I question the fact on how her mom spends the f** child support. The only thing I'd said about child support was that maybe her mom could use some of the child support and buy her the glove she needed. I don't think I said anything offensive, but of course, she made much more out of it. She then went on to say how I only let her get the things that "I" liked and not the things that she liked...

What a bunch of bull THAT was as I pretty much let her pick out the clothes she likes; I just wasn't going to allow her to get a $25.00 cheap concert t-shirt that was going to shrink to high heaven in the wash..and at 15 years old; I certainly wasn't going to buy her a t-shirt with skulls and crossbones on it with f** on it and the third finger sticking up in the middle of the shirt. "It's the band sign" she told me. I didn't care if it was the band sign or not..we weren't getting it for her and she should choose something else. Last thing I needed was to send her home with THAT, letting her mom think I gave that shirt our blessing.

We walked out of Hot Topic with three concert t-shirts at the price of over $65!! Mind you, this wasn't MY idea; as I'd told her that we were finished spending, yet a call to Disney Daddy..I guess he figured, after all the money she'd spent..what's another $65??!

She went on to text Disney Daddy how upset she was with me and how DARE I question the amount of money spent on her when he said she could!! She went on to tell him that even though I told her that SHE couldn't have anything else, I continued to shop for myself (which was coming out of my OWN pocket and not the family account). Mind you..I rarely if ever buy anything for myself during our shopping trips together, yet this one time I did buy myself a $5 body spray that was on sale at Victoria's Secret..ALONG with buying her a $12.99 set of lotions and body sprays on sale for HER.

SHE was the winner here, not me!!; and what a spoiled brat to even think I'd buy myself something..I guess I should have known that our shopping sprees were all about her and only her!!

It gets worse. I've caught her in lies where instead of telling me that things we've bought her have gotten trashed, lost, etc., she's told me that she's given her things away to a friend, while her brother has told us otherwise. She told me she doesn't "own" a hairbrush as her step mom and dad won't buy her one. My husband and I have spent countless amounts of money buying her "cheap a**" bedroom sets made from press board that she just absolutely HAD to have; while they too have gotten trashed as they were just plain junk to begin with. A little care should have made them last longer than a year, but when she gets bored with something, of course she wants something new, so it getting trashed is her best way of getting what she wants. The last time her bed fell apart, my husband told her he couldn't afford to buy her a new one, so she slept on the couch, which her mom allows her to do. This doesn't fly well with her stepdad and thus, they've butted heads more than once, causing problems in her mom and stepdad's relationship.

I know she's hormonal and a teenager yet some of these things make me soo angry. Having no children of my own, I guess I need to understand these things along with the idea that I'm just the stepmom. However, if my husband and I are going to continue to be responsible for replacing the things she's ruined, I work also and my feeling is that I shouldn't have to contribute my hard earned money towards a child that my husband refuses to discipline; while expecting me to act as just a best friend.

With that idea in mind, I may as well be a part time Nanny!!

At the beginning of our marriage, I was willing to settle for that; but no longer. I just can't stand to see his daughter ruin everything she comes in contact with; have no responsibilities for the consequences of not taking care of her things; turning to a guilt ridden Disney Daddy that thinks spoiling his daughter will make up for the lack of time he gets to spend with her. His son is a bit more independent and is already building a life of his own at merely 17. He's had his own computer business since 14 and at 17, a full time job working as an IT Engineer making $27 an hour. It's his daughter that needs guidance which she gets some of at home, but not as much as she needs.

I feel guilty calling these things to my husband's attention as I'm not her mother, yet merely the step mom, and I feel like in some way I'm offending him. My mother in law has discussed these things with me though, feeling like she does need more discipline. When my husband goes up North to visit his parents, he buys the kids everything under the sun; and her feeling is that there's a difference between want and need, as many times they've left tons of things behind and then she has to worry about how to get rid of them. She mentioned to me how she doesn't really expect the guys to do it, but that my stepdaughter is old enough to make the beds in the cabin and neaten it up a bit. Instead my mother in law has to make breakfast, clean it up with little help, and then go over to the cabin while stumbling over the mess just to make the beds. Her feeling again is that my stepdaughter is old enough to pick up her things (as most of the mess is hers); along with making the beds.

The few times I was up there, I myself took care of picking up the cabin and making the beds when the kids were younger; yet now that I'm working, I can't be there daily and have asked my stepdaughter to please help out Grandma by at least taking care of things in the cabin to no avail. The last time my husband was up there he came home and told me he'd left $100 on a pillow in the cabin for his mom. Talk about making her feel like a maid!!

Sorry about the long post but I am at my wits end and welcome any advice!!