Years of thankless effort
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I am done. 15 years later my 19 year old stepson has become totally irresponsible. His mother is the problem. 15 years ago I was willing to talk to his dad to work out the issues and was told not to and to keep my distance, so I did. Now 15 years later they have the nerve to tell me he never had a father figure so that's why he is a screw up. Seriously. I did what I could after being told to stay out and now its my fault that he can't get his shit together despite his mother's promise to work with him on a plan and His father being nonexistent and on multiple occasions not paying child support. Don't ever be a step parent. Thankless task.
Why do you think they are
Why do you think they are blaming you? What did they say to give you that impression? Since you were told to stay out of it and keep your distance it is hard to understand why anyone would be blaming you especially if you honored their wishes. You do not have to accept the blame for someone else. Standing up for yourself is really hard but it will be worth it. Let them know you are not going to be a punching bag.
I tend to agree, it is the
I tend to agree, it is the most thankless thing I have ever done, because I have a doormat spouse...That's why I eventually disengaged. The longer you do it, the less you are appreciated, was my case.
Step parents are always the blame for everybody. But if you stay away, you cannot get blamed, I have learned.
I am about 3 years into being
I am about 3 years into being a step parent. Right now my sd lives with us full time and I take on a lot of parental responsibility. I fully expect for it all to backfire in my face and to be blamed when it goes wrong or ignored if it goes right. I am trying to keep an emotional distance but I am sure it will still be devastating when it happens.
Sorry it feels like you are unappreciated. It is a shitty place to be. Who knows though. Maybe in ten years time he will have matured and be able to look back and know you offered him what was needed without trying too replace his dad. You can only hope.
it has take me some time but
it has take me some time but the circus and monkeys no longer bother me. they bring on their own life circumstances in the end.
YEP!
YEP!
This is how it goes "most" of
This is how it goes "most" of the time. I've been a SM for 36 years and just the past 2 years, everything is my fault. I let myself be used and abused for years, so that everything would go smoothly and DH could have a "Brady Bunch" family.
I began disengaging 7 years ago and the past 2 years I totally disengaged. Everything is my fault! Absolutely everything! Guess what I no longer care and it doesn't even enter my mind to forget and forgive. I've had enough! My DH now plays head games, thinking it will all blow over; it is not going to happen.
You will know when you've had enough; it's when it all goes over your head and you "really" don't care any more. After all they are always right, they have to have somebody to blame.
It's crap!
nothing new Andy..... you are
nothing new Andy..... you are the evil woman who cause his parents to get divorced, you are the evil woman who took Daddy away from him, you are the evil woman who's spending all Dad's money, you are the evil woman who caused his Dad not being there for him...... I can go on and on and on...
I know above is not true, it's just the believe of a manipulative little step brat, they all feel that way and there's nothing , but sweet nothing.. we as the Evil SM's can do about it.....
Thus disengage from this little poor COD baby.....
You are the scapegoat. If you
You are the scapegoat. If you were not there to blame for ss's shortcomings they would blame the carrot in the refrigerator. Just disengage and ignore as what they are doing is trying to make ss the victim for not being a decent human being. However, disengaging and ignoring are extremely hard to do. The serenity prayer that is said in AA really helps with disengagement. Sometimes it is necessary to take things one minute at a time, and then the situation will pass. Please know that you are not to blame. We all have self will and it takes integrity to know one's shortcomings and not to blame others for the wrong we have done. Your ss and dw are a little short on integrity at the moment. Be strong!
At 19 years old he is an
At 19 years old he is an adult and needs to get his head outta his @$$. Don't take the blame for lack of a father figure - you were told to keep distance. Bio mommy and daddy are to blame for juniors screw-ups.
But I do agree, it is a thankless task.