Now that is great news!

SD56 did the same thing to me at our SGS31's memorial services (he passed 1 yr. ago of cancer). DH decided he didn't feel well enough to travel 2 hours to the services, so we did not attend. SD56 proceeded to trash me to anyone that would listen, at the services.

I was to blame, because we did not attend. Of course I would have taken DH, if he had wanted to go. SS58 and DIL knew it was DH that didn't want to attend their son's services; that is all I cared about.

I'm glad to hear your DH stands his ground on this issue. My DH doesn't say anything when I'm present, but now I know he has taken a stand with it, the past two years. The reason I know, most of it has stopped and I believe he nips it, only not where I can hear or see it.

As long as I am not hearing the gossip and as long as my SD56 and SGD31 (mother/daughter) leave me alone and stay away from me, I'm good with it all.

It is a good feeling to know that your DH is supporting you. Just sit back and enjoy the shelter.

Ya gotta love it when the toxic show their truely rancid colors!

Etexas I hate to blow your bubble, do you think he will remember what transpired between himself and ds a week from now, or the next time they try throwing you under the bus?

In my case, my ex had a very short memory regarding his ds48. For instance, ss blew all $200,000 my ex had given him for his retirement years due to his alcoholism. One time he took all his roommates in the rehab housing he was living out to get drunk on ex's credit card. As a result, everyone including ss were booted out of the housing. A year later, as his ss proclaimed he had recovered my ex gives him a credit card and then puts money in checking account and gives his ds the debit card for it, as it is important that ss has two different debit cards, in case one does not work. Mind you, I have never had two debit cards. Ss has not worked in close to 3-4 years, but ex needs to make sure he has $$$ to spend. I am sure that ss has also gotten smarter about not charging bar tabs on credit card so that ex can see the charge.

My ex has two SUV's, one that I drove, as we just recently divorced. I asked if I could buy it from him, his response was "no" it is for my ds. Mind you when ss was an alcoholic he cut his seat belts off and kept on wrecking his car. Enabling behavior, at its highest!! It is rather sickening how short term memory works when one is enmeshed.

I certainly hope your dh remembers all that he said and sticks to his gun.

What is the deal with parents demanding attendance at their children's birthday parties? Is it just a gift grab? I thought kids enjoyed parties with other kids not their parents' or grandparents' contemporaries.

I don't know what it is about some men that makes them so suggestible and easily manipulated. It's certainly annoying.

Early on in my disengagement, I could tell whenever DH had spent time with the in-laws, as he would come home resentful and parroting some of their enabling nonsense. Once, he tried to tell me that I was the common denominator in his failed relationships with his kids. That really hurt, but I pointed out that he was also a common denominator and free to see his kids but didn't. It was a pattern that continued until he too disengaged.

Your DH did a great job of combating the poison and alienation tactics. He stood up for himself and you, which is awesome! Don't you just love how when we step out of the way, these men get to experience their brats' ugliness full force?

Exjulie that statement is so profound. Why do we play the game of treating sks like they are normal people? I wish I would have treated my ss48 like the piece of turd that he is. That way at least I would have the satisfaction of not feeling that I tried really hard to please a turd and that a turd won in my relationship with dh. It really is hard to lift one self from that low blow. All I can pray for is that karma does its bit with those two and that it bites hard!!

Wow congratulations on DH having your back! That is excellent.

Yes, she is fortunate that her dh defended her. Not once did my dh defend me. The very sad thing is that he sees himself as an alpha male and struts around like one. I guess his ego was inflated because he protected a middle aged man against his dw. He would always tell me that "he had to protect his ds from me", I have never raised my voice to his ds, to the contrary his ds would raise his voice at me. I guess I must have come across like a super duper woman with great powers.

Ah, the walking ahead with his ds was typical of my ex. I hated that. The strange thing, and maybe some of you might have some strong opinions of the following comment. My ex is not an attractive man, he is obese 350+lbs and 5'5", bald, does not shower every day, when I was lucky maybe every 4th day, at his worse when he was angry at me a month or so, he insisted on washing his own clothes and he would wear the same thing for a week.

He was not always like that, but as he got older, he just did not care, but still he strutted. I think because he has money, it has allowed him the liberty of not caring. He even took my dog to the vet, a dog I had for 7 years, to have him put to sleep when I was away because he did not like him. Fortunately, the vet refused. I ended up giving him away for fear of his life.

Still, I was the committed wife. It makes me sick to my stomach to come to this point of my life and realize what a big mistake I have made. I hate him and his ds. There I have finally said it!!! Will I post this? Yes!

First of all and MOST importantly Congratulations to your son for making it thru Boot Camp. Its not easy and only the best walk thru the gates!!

I guess all that I can say and chances are we may be around the same age that enough of this junk surly is enough, isn't it.

There seems to come a time with all of our experiences behind us that we sooner or later say "Since you cant seem to act decent, be decent and treat us with respect---don't bother, just don't bother. Just stop already and WE WANT and deserve peace".

Of course you and your husband would attend this once in a life time achievement for Christmas Sake your boy, now a man, is going to defend their freedom and our country during very difficult times.

JESUS MARY JOSEPH and the kid told his father, Your husband, to MAN UP---ok then. WOW I can tell you what my husband would do with that remark.

If my siblings ever told my Dad to "MAN UP" my father would have disowned him/her and never spoke to them again.

How old is this man Enuf? He is a ex, right? He cannot possibly be in good health....Sorry about your dog, how inhumane of him and perceptive of the vet too. it all adds up over time.

He is now 72 years old. He says he will probably not live long due to his weight. His ds is 48, also obese, single, has only had one female relationship in his life. He divorced me in May.

He will probably not live long...my father had heart problems and as I recall something about showering made it hard for him to breathe and I remember my mom staying on him to take a shower, take a shower.But, there are cleaning cloths etc., so there is just no good excuse for wearing the same clothes and eating yourself into an early death.

Sounds like you were a very compassionate wife who tried to make it all work for a long time with everybody and little/nothing reciprocated; given what I have read in your postings. Interesting that this idiot would divorce you with death practically knocking at this door.

Is there family money that skids were making him ensure only followed heirs?

Are you still together--in any type of relationship? Seems you may be, but not certain to what degree...

I very rarely made comments about his ds. One time he was complaining because he was on a date and the woman's family was pestering them with calls. He got angry and then he starting pestering his df with calls while dh and I were on vacation. This is the only time I said anything about ss and I told dh that "he is acting like a baby". That was it, you would have thought that I said his ds was a murderer". My dh looked at me, told me he "hated" me and when we got back he was filing for divorce. Which he did. You see I was never, ever, supposed to say anything about ss other than things that would glorify him.

This last time, I complained because he went to spend time with him, when I was leaving for out of town. Again, that was it. Dh had to keep me in check. He refused to talk to me on the phone and sent me emails which only escalated his anger. Had to teach me a lesson for complaining and he filed for divorce.

My wish is that he wakes up one morning and realizes how much his ds has controlled his life. The alpha male image will go down the drain when that happens. One of the comments my ex would always tell me is the his son is the "bane of his existence" and it is very true. He realizes it, and still he has made him the primary relationship in his life. It is a parasitical relationship.

"..telling him to "man up" and quit following me around."

Sure SS, right after you "man up" and quit following YOUR wife around.

Really! See, even adult stepkids do not get that SM and dad are husband and wife, and that dad actually has a mind of his own. Yep. Evil SM is manipulating and controlling dad every day with the mind control dust that she sprinkles on his cereal every morning.

Good for your DH: "He said he told SS that he was a grown man who did what he wanted and that I'm the one that actually pushes him to have a relationship with the Steps." Every SM should have that printed on a slip of paper and put it in with stepkids' Christmas cards (or etc.) this coming season. I think a lot of SKs would be amazed how often rather than SM trying to keep them apart, she is actually the main one keeping any kind of relationship with dad going.

Seems like some SKs go around assuming that dad is just an extension of their mom/BM, even many many years after the divorce. In reality, they have no recognition that dad is his own person, and if they really valued him and his opinion, they would seek it out rather than just assuming that what they want or BM wants is what dad wants too.

Also suggest you get a wad of return address labels that say Mr. & Mrs. X and Y TexasMom. Put them on anything you can. Really. DH and I have been married for 16 years now, and he still tends to refer to me by my first name in front of them, despite the fact that I discussed with him a couple of years back that one of the thangs we could do to show his adult SKs that, Yes, we are married, was for me to call him hubby or dear and for him to call me honey or wife. I don't think you can underestimate how easy it is for adult SKs to go around with some sort fantasy in their heads that dad is still 100% owned, and I do mean owned, by BM and them.