Teenage stepson rarely leaves the house?
Without going into drawn out details that would be as long as a book, my 2 step kids have lived with us full time for about 9 years. The oldest, a boy, is 15 and very rarely does anything outside of the house unless it is going to school or his sports. It's not that he would rather be home bc he complains all the time that "we never do anything" if we don't go somewhere as a family every single weekend or at least if daddy doesn't take them to a movie or something else. He will text my husband's mother asking her to take them somewhere or trying to plan some outing to a restaurant, etc. It's not that this kid is some anti-social with low self esteem either. He thinks VERY highly of himself, is overly confident, and does as much as possible to make sure he is the center of attention in most situations. He has always bragged about having a lot of friends or being popular or always saying he starts trends and everyone copies him. My question is, is this normal behavior esp for a kid with that kind of personality? I'm a stay at home mom and so during the summer I not only have my 2 with me all day every day, but the 2 skids too. (Long history, but I do not care for them and that would require a whole other post just to explain everything and it's different reasons for both of them). I really thought that by now that at least the boy would be out of the house a lot but apparently I was wrong. I know he obviously can't drive yet but when I was that age I still did things with friends a lot. Hoping next year he at least has a job and is there a lot esp in summer if he's still going to be sitting on his butt here and whining to daddy to entertain him every second.
Hellloooo, this is my SD12.
Hellloooo, this is my SD12. But she doesn't even do sports.
She rarely initiates get-togethers with her friends.
She's in her room pretty much all the time.
And you know what? I don't care. Not my problem.
Until she's 18 and then I'll have a say.
I definitely don't care at
I definitely don't care at all EXCEPT for the fact that he's here in the same home with me and if I'm here, he's pretty much always here so I really wish that he would go places a lot more with people his age.
Yep. So is SD12. She may
Yep. So is SD12.
She may have dinner with me now and then, and she does get together with friends if DP arranges it, but since DP doesn't regulate electronics use, and she's always on her phone/computer doing whatever, then I don't care.
I have no control over what she does/doesn't do...that's for DP to take care of.
I've tried, it's backfired on my every single time, so I stopped trying.
Yep, backfired on me enough
Yep, backfired on me enough times that I've just disengaged. If I can't discipline like I do my own kids without all hell breaking loose, then I'm not going to do much more than treat them as cordial aquaintences. Years of trying got me nowhere so this is what it's going to have to be. It wouldn't be fair to my kids to do everything for all 4 of them but only MY kids get disciplined, etc. and it is slightly difficult to be all in ONLY in the "good" ways and sacrifice, yet never make rules or get on to them.
Are his friends close enough
Are his friends close enough to your home that he could get there but just chooses not to go, or would have have to have transportation? He may be stuck because he doesn't want to ask you for anything. Or he could just be happy hanging out in his room.
I have decided that kids these days don't go hang with friends nearly as much as kids did when I was growing up.. I was rarely home from the time I hit 13. My own kids spend a lot of time at home, but they are socializing via xbox, computer, or phone. They do go out some, especially my son who runs cross country and track, but they are just as happy to be home doing stuff as being out--when they are in my home...when they are with their dad they tend to go out more because (according to them) his house is loud and dirty and they have no privacy from their step-siblings over there. Rarely one of my skids will complain about not DOING anything, but usually they too are happy just doing stuff at home in addition to their school/sports activities.
No, they aren't but I know
No, they aren't but I know it's not that bc on the rare occasion he does have somewhere to go he asks me without hesitation and I am never in any way unkind about it and unless I really can't for whatever reason, I always say yes. Even when his dad is home, it's the same thing. Complaining that we should all drop everything just to do something he wants to do bc he's so bored. If he was really happy being in his room, then I doubt he'd say on a regular basis that we should just be running around all over the place for his entertainment. I know my SD is actually really happy to just be in her room and is more of a homebody so it just depends on the kid.
I feel bad for my kids too though bc my 6 yo son, for instance, has a lot of friends that live on our street he plays with. When they come here, I would let them play in the living room more than I do bc they get loud and SS comes out and is a complete a$$ to them if he thinks I can't hear him being that way. I just feel like I need to protect him from SS bc he and even SD are really hateful to him if they think no one else is close enough to hear or see. Then in front of anyone they act like they are the most angelic older siblings that are so patient and kind. Totally fake. It may be "normal" sibling stuff but it's hard when they aren't my kids and they're treating mine like that. I totally bite my tongue nowadays and just let DH handle it if need be bc of the stress I face whenever I would discipline. Now that they are older and there's two of them, they are a little team against me and I just don't interact bc if I do, it gives them ammo and they love every second of it.
Sorry to go off on a tangent!
Oh I would love to. I've been
Oh I would love to. I've been disengaging more and more simply bc I get so stressed out just dealing with the disrespect and attitude I've gotten in the past from *gasp* making his entitled highness lift a finger.
First of all, no he really
First of all, no he really isn't out of the house a lot. Ok, during school and practice here and there and games during the season (just one sport). He sits home all summer long, every weekend, every holiday, etc.
Second, when did I ever say that I don't want to drive him....? He does the same no matter who is home so it has nothing to do with anyone not wanting to drive him somewhere. I have no problem with it.
Third, was I complaining about texting grandma? No. Just stating one of the examples of what he does..