I'm sorry you are feeling sad. I know that's not a very nice feeling. My hubby and I do not swear at each other. I think if he ever did swear at me, to the level yours was to you, I would seriously end it. That is just disrespectful and rude and not how you treat the person you claim to love. It's not how you treat anyone. You are so worth more than that. Hugs

He DOES have an alcohol problem. It seems like every few months he gets ugly, an edge, and picks a fight. He has said fuck you to me numerous times since we have been married, usually very provoked and he has used it sober.

This sounds like he may be Bi Polar or have borderline personality disorder....or just plain old alcoholism... do some research into these areas and in particular spouses dealing with this illness...

Mine has tried this too and I forgave him but i know deep down in my heart now that should he tell me to fuck off ever again...I will and I will stay long gone. The fact you are trying to mend things with him like you are the one whos treated him badly, shows him you are a doormat and will tolerate any abuse thrown your way!

I have never cursed at my bride. I have never heard my dad curse at my mom. In my mind this is intollerable and you should have zero tolerance for it.

Alcohol is no excuse and in my mind when combined with his toxic abusive crap is nothing but another absolute proof of his complete lack of character, honor, and basic human worth. He has none of these things in my mind. If he were actually making an effort to deal with his issues I might consider giving him a zero tolerance reprieve but not with what you have described.

Take him for every thing he will ever be worth, put him living in a refrigerator box under the local highway overpass, and facilitate his remaining there by dropping off a case of rottgut Old Thunderbird every once in a while. Couch that kindness as a continuous test to see if he has found any reddeming character or worth.

I have zero tolerance for this kind of crap from a man towards his bride.

Own his ass. Destroy him. And good riddance.

This sounds so much like my XH. We were together for 2 years before we got married and I never saw an angry, hostile side of him. He waited until we were married 3 months to do that. He had too much to drink and unleashed a fury on me that left me stunned and scared. Of course he sobered up and asked for forgiveness. Blah blah blah.
It didn't happen again for a while but it did happen again. Eventually it started to happen more often until it was a normal way of life for him.
He would go out drinking (or never come home from work) and show up at 4 am only to wake me up and fight with me.
Eventually he stopped working all together, quit drinking and yet it still continued. I finally had him removed from the home when his rage spilled over onto the kids. He had to go get counseling. They recommended he get tested for Bi-polar. I had thought for years he was bi-polar but it took him getting kicked out of the house for him to get treated. After his diagnosis he was not taking his meds, started drinking again and just became a nightmare.
He would go from very rage filled one second, unload on me, and then very depressed and sleepy. He was on a roller coaster of rage and exhaustion.
After he refused to comply with the meds and therapy I divorced him. It was the best thing I could have ever done for myself and BS.
It was like walking on glass shards of egg shells constantly. Never knowing when he was going to explode, threaten me, scream at me for HOURS until he was too exhausted to scream anymore.

Just know this....although it may seem like your DH's outbursts are few and far between, it will get worse. You need to push him to get treatment or leave.
Don't waste years in hell like I did.
Good luck to you!

You sound very codependent. When another poster told you not to put up with it if he scares you, you defended your husband.

I have found that as I have gotten older, I put up with less to zero crap. If my husband started to get beligerent with me, I would have no hesitation in divorcing.

I personally, wouldn't put up with a mean drunk. I am now stronger then that. I would not have my kids around that, ever. But it seems that you are okay with it, or you would leave.

He isn't going to change, and he isn't going to stop drinking. Why would he, there are no consequences for him. The only person who can change the situation is you. By leaving or throwing him out, because no amount of ultimatums are going to change the situation.

They are right...Only YOU can change the situation. I learned a lot from my first marriage. My DH knows he would NEVER get away with talking to me like my XH did. NEVER. I would toss his a$$ out before the words left his mouth. No he won't change. Because he has been allowed to get away with it.
So you have to change. I know it is hard. I know it is scary. But once you are away from all of the hostility, you will begin to see how much better your life can be without all that anger.
Once I got out, I never ever ever considered going back. I wasted too many years trying to please a man who was just mean and nasty.
I then found a man who is the total opposite. He is the most laid back calm man I have ever met.
You need to get out before it gets worse.

My opinion is you should divorce when the A's are present: addiction, adultry, and abuse. You've got two of the three A's here.

I have been in serious relationships with 2 alcoholics, my former best friend is an alcoholic, AND I had 2 family members who were alcoholics. What they say when they are drunk is almost ALWAYS how they truly feel.

This poor excuse for a man is using you AND abusing you. The question is WHY do you put up with this abysmal behavior from him? I agree with Echo: demand he go to AA and you attend Al-Anon (and therapy for yourself) OR take him up on his offer and help him pack. Please...find a therapist so you can discover why you are okay being married to someone who is abusing you. Best of luck to you.

Good, solid advice from the other posters...

I really hope you start preparing your exit from this marriage. It has been a strange, twisted, dysfunctional relationship since even before your wedding, and based on what you've shared there's something inherently wrong with your H. I'm no expert, but he's got some psychological problems. His inability to navigate relationships, unwillingness to sell his house or even complete the remodel, his controlling and obsessive oversight of your finances...Now added to that, he's abusive and an alcoholic. From the outside looking in, you're in a very bad relationship with a very troubled individual.

When my parents were early in their marriage and not long after I was born they had neighbors (also a USMC couple) who adopted our family. They were a couple that were about 20 years older than my parents.

Apparently the husband (a Sr. NCO) had a little too much to drink one night, cursed out the wife, and slapped her. She put him to bed and once he passed out she sewed him into the sheets and took a baseball bat to him. She let him sleep it off and think about it overnight and then in the morning woke him with a pitcher of icewater and informed him that if he ever again cursed her or raised a hand to her that he had better never close his eyes to sleep again because she would beat him to death after she sewed him into the bed.

He never again did either infraction. My parents remain friends with the wife who is now in her 90s. The Gunny passed away a couple of decades ago. Mom and dad used to comment about how dedicated they were to each other and how the Gunny worshiped his bride for the rest of his life even after she tenderized him with the baseball bat.

I think that there is a lesson in this for everyone. Cherish your partner and neither perpetrate nor tolerate any disprespectful bullshit.