Hi all-

I'm a stepmom to 4 kids. Only one lives with me part time. The other three live in other states and I've never met them.
My husband and I have been living together for 3 years now. His youngest daughter, Lets call her K, is the one we have part time. She's about to be 7. K's mother has mental issues (I really wish I was exaggerating) and dealing with her makes our situation that much more complicated. But I'll save that rant for another time.

K is an absolute spoiled brat. She's rude and disrespectful, and can be very manipulative at times. I struggle on a regular basis to deal with her. She demands to be played with 24/7, and despite having a room full of toys, only wants you to watch YouTube with her or play video games with her.

We recently moved, and it was agreed before we moved that in the new house there were going to be new rules in place for K to follow. 1. K is not allowed in our bed for any reason (she used to sleep with us, that was a huge battle to change) 2. Tablet/YouTube viewing time is limited. Not past 9pm, not while playing video games, and not during meals (she used to refuse to eat unless it was on) 3. No video games past 9pm, or in the morning before school/camp. I argued that she should not have the Xbox in her room, but lost that fight.

I don't think these rules are unreasonable. I didn't come up with them to be mean. I only want her to be happy and healthy, and I feel like her being excessively plugged in will only contribute to ADHD. But my husband and K just disregard them.

Today was a sad day for me as it's the aniversary of someone close to me's death. Add to that PMS and anxiety. So I have not been in a very good place. I had been watching TV by myself for a while, and I could hear the pounding of K's feet heading into mine and my husbands room. I tried to bite my tongue and forget about it. After about 45 minutes, I got up to say goodbye to them as I was leaving for a memorial. I went into the room, and there was K, laying in my bed next to my husband, watching the tablet. She saw me and immediately ran out. I stood there very annoyed, looking at my husband. He just looked at me like what? Like nothing was wrong. I said to him that he always makes me out to be the bad guy. He responded cuz you are the bad guy. I just turned around and left. I texted him telling him that I give up, I don't want to help out with her anymore (I get her ready in the morning for school/camp) and that he could just let her do whatever she wanted because I'm just done. He texted that he was sorry, he was only joking, he loves me etc. I ignored him.

I got home around 10. I very quietly slipped into the house. My husband saw me pull in but didn't realize I was in the house. K was still awake, still watching the stupid tablet. I heard him tell her to get out of our room and go into hers before he got in anymore trouble. She whined and whined about it, then finally stomped off to her room. I stayed downstairs and laid down on the couch. After some time, my husband came down and asked if I wanted a pillow or a blanket. I said no why would I. He said because you're sleeping down here. I flipped out. I grabbed me keys and purse and went to leave. He said he was just joking again, and I was overreacting. I told him this shit wasn't funny anymore. He got mad and said my daughter is not a dog okay, she can sit on the bed for a minute. I just slammed the door on him.

Now I'm sitting in my car crying, outside my parents house. I don't want to go in because I don't want to explain to them everything. But I have no where else to go. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm at the end of my rope. I'm so hurt by all of this. I dont want to be the evil step mom. She is coming between us. When we first started dating I voiced concerns that she would and he reassured me that spouse comes first. But it's obvious that she will always be first. I'm so lost. Any advice at all?

Thanks for reading though.