Manipulative spoiled "sdult" step daughter
Happily married. Love my stepdaughter but had to kick her out. She moved in with us when she was 13 and her mother could not control her. She was flunking out of high school. She has graduated high school with a 3.8 and is in college. We are strict but have compromised on many occasions. She is 20 yrs old now and came home drunk--we found her in her room with a naked boy that we had never seen before and she attacked her father--tried to slam his arm in the door and then tried to taunt him to hit her. I got between then and told her and the boy to get out. We gave her until the weekend to get her things out of the house--her mother lives close by and has room for her. I packed some of her things (nicely)....but made it very clear that unless she apologized to her father that she was not allowed in the house--locks have been changed. We packed what she did not take and took it to her mother's storage unit. Now she is calling me her father's C wife who he choose over his own blood and she is accusing him of being abusive...telling her friends that he hit and choked her. She even tried to convince her mother that he choked her but she called me and said there are no marks--trust me if he had choked her there would have been marks and I was there and I wouldn't have put up with that. I would have called the cops on him. The problem I'm having is how to deal with her vile hateful behavior. She manipulates her parents and I've witnessed it for years. I think this is the first time anyone has really stood up to her and I refuse to back down. I've even told my husband that if he allows her back in the house without her apologizing for and taking responsibility for her behavior that I would move out--not leave him but move out. I will not live with her. I am mad and am trying not to act on anger. I will not respond to her texts or taunts. I texted her mother and asked if she though he (my husband--her ex) had ever been abusive to her and she texted back that he has always been strict but never abusive. I'm afraid that she is going to try to get him in trouble with lies. I think it best we just stay away from her now. The last text he sent her was. I love you and I'm here when you're ready to talk and she texted back you've been an abusive father--Now you're choosing you're C wife over me your blood. I hope you remember what I look like because you'll never see me again.
stop texting her and stop
stop texting her and stop responding to her. You are doing the right thing, stand your ground and keep your boundaries strong. She had no marks, even her own mother does not believe her. Under no circumstances should she move back in. She is an adult she can suffer the consequences of her own actions and find another place to live.
YESS!! THIS!!!! Stand your
YESS!! THIS!!!!
Stand your ground. If her parents allow her to manipulate them, then that's on them, but even they are tired of her crap. SD is an adult now, no one has to tolerate any of her abuse, antics and disrespect. She can go somewhere with that nonsense. She can lie all she wants but she has no proof of her lies so let her dig her own hole.
I have stopped all
I have stopped all communication on my end--even shut down my facebook page. Her mother called my husband this past Friday because she came home drunk after being gone 3 days and was going to leave again. Her mother wanted my husband to come over there and stop her. He told her to take her keys from her and her mother's response (as she was talking very low because she didn't want it known she was talking to her father) No...I can't take her keys--she'll hit me. My husband finally told her--look if she drives away from your house drunk call the police and give them a description of her truck.
The whole situation is just mind boggling to me. I will definitely stand my ground. I work too damn hard and am a good woman. I don't need this crap! It's hard for my husband because this is his only child. I have to keep reminding him that she was the aggressor in this--and she brought this on herself.
OMG! how sad and frustrating
OMG! how sad and frustrating for you!!!!!!!!!
it would be a cold day in hell the day I was ever afraid of my daughter hitting me! I dare her to hit me, she would be on that floor so fast she wouldn't know what hit her!
This SD is really a piece of work. Both of her parents are held hostage by her bs on their own free will! How do you even stand it? I feel for you.
YES!!!! One time early on
YES!!!! One time early on when she was on the phone cussing her mother out--F bombs and all I told her if you ever talked to me like that you'll be one sorry MF-er. I am not afraid to go to jail. I may not "like" her BM but we are respectful to one another. I'm SO glad she's out of our house--sorry that my DH is sad about it--but sack up buddy!!
Mom should have just called
Mom should have just called the police before calling Dad.
Let this unruly drunken adult woman wake up in the drunk tank downtown. Actions have consequences. Drunk naked strangers in your home and her BM in the other home afraid SD is going to hit her. No way for BM, Dad or you to be living. The SD is out of control and unpredictable.
Time for some serious decisions. A simple apology wouldn't get this foolish young lady back into my home. However I'm betting both parents would support SD trying rehab. Perhaps in fact making rehab a mandatory condition. None of you can make this SD do anything, but you can all be d*mn sure you all aren't enabling her.
Wow. That tail really wags
Wow. That tail really wags the dog, doesn't it? Both bio parents are afraid to stand up to the monster they've created.
You ARE a good woman and you did the right thing. It's so upsetting when we get sucked into other people's excrement, but just because that brat holds her parents hostage doesn't mean she does you as well. Pay no mind to what your SD says; you are the one she can't manipulate, so of course she will blame you. Heck, if I had a dime for every time I've been scapegoated by my skids and in laws, I'd be sipping a mai tai in Hawaii right now.
You didn't break your SD, so cheer up! She's now out of your house, so work on disengagement so she'll be out of your life and mind as well. Be done with her. Life is so good over here on the other side of giving a damn about skids.
Protect yourself and your
Protect yourself and your home. Call the cops if necessary and get a restraining order. Save all social media correspondence for a police report. Keep copies of everything for reference to Law Enforcement and/or Court.
Stand your ground and do not respond or communicate with her. Let DH handle her, outside and away from your home.
I told my DH to tell SD56 to stay away from me or I will get a restraining order. SD has stayed away from me and is no longer communicating with me in any form. A restraining order works on both ends; you will need to stay away from your SD and no communication.
I like this arrangement. I have not had to obtain an order; but I will if I have to do so.
Keep us posted.
I'm so glad I found this
I'm so glad I found this forum. Thank you all for your comments and words of encouragement. So many comments I want to answer but will start with What do I love about her? I love her laugh and smile when she's not jacked up on drugs or alcohol. I love that she's strong and when she makes up her mind she can follow through--such as going from a flunk out to graduating with a 3.8--BUT she is also an a-hole spoiled brat and the product of two--three people including her grandmother who lives with her BM--and while I'm at let me say that SD's mother & father did not have a normal marriage--in fact my DH had his own room--they never shared a room. He married her because she got pregnant--PERIOD...and he stayed because he knew that her mother would poison her against him if he left...They dynamics of this whole scene are all screwed up. Everyone is afraid of this 95 lb woman-child. I do not regret my actions at all. She's barely talking to her BM either right now and just using her place as somewhere to store her things until she can move with the POS boy we found hiding in her bed. She will be moving 3 hours away--yay!! This is the outcome when you don't discipline your children. Everyone did EVERYTHING for her and she's spitting in their faces. She's hateful and a bully. I'm SO done with it!!
You are a better person than
You are a better person than I! I can't imagine "loving" someone who has these personality traits! Enjoy the time after she has moved away - my guess it will be temporary and she'll be back before you know it. My personal standard is that I would not knowingly allow anyone doing drugs into my home. Period. Especially one with this kind of vindictiveness and attitude. She falsely accused her father of abuse. Next thing you know, you could have police pounding on your door because she plants some drugs in your house and accuses you of distributing it!
Thank you!! I received a
Thank you!! I received a call from BM stating that I may have "jumped the gun" in kicking her out--to which I replied blow me! My DH is distraught because he thinks we just threw her to the wolves so to say. I told him maybe you don't know who you're married to. I don't let any woman your offspring or not put their hands on my husband. SD was attacking her father. How can you people not see that this woman/child needs tough love and a dose of reality. I feel like I'm living in bizarro land. The drug thing scares the crap out of me. She tried to plant pot plants in our yard once...too stupid to put the shovel away so I knew something was up--found the plants and disposed of them. My DH doesn't get why he can't just meet with her at our home and talk it out. I'm afraid that she'll leave our house....bash her face into her steering wheel and tell the cops he/we did it--she is capable of that...AND I have nothing to say to her. It's all I can do not to skip around the house singing lou lou skip to my lou!!